Grief And Depression

[Melanie310]

Hi,

My name is Melanie, and I'm new here. I've been reading a lot of these posts, some have really made me cry.

I lost my Mother on 1/13/99 to cancer. With the help of my Father and Hospice, I was pretty much her sole caregiver. Watching her die was horrifying, watching her go from the active, funny, smart, wonderful person that she was, to having to bear the agony of the pain and the disgrace of this horrible disease. In June, right after her death, I got married, and he turned out to be the most horrible abusive man I think I've ever encountered. I didn't know that there could be such mean people in this world, but there are. If I cried for my Mother, I got hit, called names, etc. So I just shut down, I had to, and I finally escaped that marriage, other things happened, and I am just now, 5 years after her death, grieving for her. I started really grieving for her I guess early last spring. I can remember really feeling the pain of her loss then, and it was agonizing. Then, on May 27th, 2003, my Dad died unexpectedly, out of the blue, no warning. There are a lot of circumstances that I won't go into about his death concerning my "step-mother", and my sister, but I will say that they hurt me terribly. My Dad had been taken to the emergency room at 10 am the morning he died, and nobody bothered to call me until it was too late. I live an hour and a half away from where he was. And I'm so bitter towards them. My step-mother has never liked me, and I have recently found out that she didn't want my Dad to be around me, so for the past 3 years, I didn't have much of a relationship with him because of her. I did talk to him on the phone a lot though, and that brings me some peace. But what bothers me the most is the fact that my Dad didn't have to die. He died, in part, due to negligence and unconcern on the part of the Dr. that was attending him that day. He died of a ruptured aortic aneurysm. The story is just incredible. It's sickening. I hate that Dr. I haven't ever really HATED anybody in my life, but I do him.

So now I'm grieving for both my parents, they were fairly young still, she was 66 and he was 70. And I'm so horribly depressed. I don't want to get dressed anymore, I don't want to leave this house, I don't want to cook, I have gained weight from drinking tons of Pepsi, I have feelings of despondency, I feel like I have no future. I have nobody to talk to, I have moved to a new town/state, and have no friends at this time. Can't afford therapy.

I'm really scared. Is it normal to feel this depressed? I don't know what to do.

Melanie

[dreamdancer]

Dearest one,

You are not alone. And for every mean person there is many more nice ones. Take care of you self. I too kno wthe feeling of not wanting to eat. Food still tastes like card board to me. There is resorces out there that can help. Most family centers offer councoling for reduced rate depinding on you income. Look up the numbers. I know this is hard but you need to let go of the negitive and think on the positive. The negitives will slowly drain you. till all you have is nothing.

MY prayes go out to you,

Dreamdancer

[Penny]

Melanie...I am so sorry for your loss. I am also sorry that I just saw your post.

Depression is a very real factor in the grief process. I think it is one of the hardest things to deal with after the death of a loved one.

Please visit the following site....it seems to have much more traffic and therefore more supportive of those of us who have lost a loved one.

Click here

Please take care.