What next??

[tia]

I just posted about my little brother here. (Read first)

So, if you read my first post you can see I went through a really hard loss within this past year. 

I have been with my partner for over 6 years. We have our ups and downs and by no means are we prefect, but we always saw ourselves together forever. We envisioned our future together and imagined what it would be like when we are both mentally sound and healthy with a dog and a garden and house in the middle of nowhere. My mental health was on the up and up before i lost my brother. I was doing sooo good, to me the best I have ever been. So of course, this loss put me even further back then I was. 

I'm not doing good and that is very apparent. I tell my S/O how I'm feeling, I cry in front of him, I told him everything and it really helped. But you know I guess that its too hard on him (which is VERY understandable) We both haven't been doing good. We both just moved across the country, him one month before I lost my brother. We don't have a support system or state insurance for therapy anymore.

I was having a hard time the other day and spent a lot of time crying. It started as a small fight about him being on his phone all the time and snowballed. I'm telling him I need comfort and attention with tears in my eyes and he tells me isn't happy. He hasn't been happy for a long time. That he wants time for himself. He wants to figure out who he is and what he wants again. Basically, saying he wants to take a break from our relationship but it's complicated. Of course, this SOOO hard on me. I'm dealing with so much this year and I have to add this to my plate? We ended the conversation with him saying he will work on himself while still being together he just needs some extra time and space to do his thing.

How am I supposed to be okay with him hurting? I love him so much. I feel like I should let him go. It sounds like what is best for him but I don't think I can handle it. I'm having such a hard time dealing with my brother and my S/O is the main source of comfort in all my areas of my life. I don't think he loves me the same way anymore. I don't think he feels the same way I do anymore. 

Can I really handle losing my partner and my brother? It feels selfish of him for wanting to leave in my hardest year of my life but it feels selfish of me to be thinking like that also. I want to cut the line for him but he's my anchor and I'm scared I'm going to spiral into oblivion. I can't handle all of this. 

[kayc]

You can both feel selfish at the same time and nothing wrong with that, but the relationship will not last through it.  And again, nothing inherrently wrong with that, sometimes they're for a time and that's all, but when you think it's forever and it's not and it hits you when everything else does...that's a lot to take in.  So just when you're down and counting on him for support?  THAT is hard.  Really hard.  Either way I guess you'll have to step back from the relationship to give it a chance, but it will change how you feel about him and the relationship.  And you maay find you don't want it anymore, that it isn't enough or what it looked like to you.

Breakups
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