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Looking for Romance?


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Greetings fellow mourners.  I have not been on this site in a few days so am
playing catch-up reading all the new posts. There seems to be a lot, and that is good.  While I might not post on here each day, I do endeavor to read as much as I can. As I’ve noted before, you are the only people in the world I communicate with, whom I feel can truly empathize with my pains…and that means a great deal to me.  Please know this. 

To that end, I wanted to throw out a question to you all. I imagine it’s been discussed before and I’ve seen a few of you allude to it in various posts: but here goes…

Are you looking for a romantic companion?
If not actively seeking a companion, are you open to the idea of it? 
Or…do you find idea of being in another romantic relationship repulsive?

For me…I have learned decades ago to “never say never” to anything in the world. With that, I simply do not see myself ever being in another relationship.  I’m not naive enough to think dispel the possibility of a woman I meet in the future garnering feelings fro’ me, but I feel in the rare event it happens, I would purposely prevent myself from acting on it.  So I realize it could happen, but I feel I would purposefully go out of my way to ensure it doesn’t if I notice some of the signs. Hopefully that makes sense. 

Finally, I want to express sometning in that I do not judge anyone when it come to this.  Yes, I am aware of many widowers my age who move to the Philippines and marry a 20 year old who is obviously with them just for their money. I find that cringy and can never understand that, but I don’t judge. 

In my fact my grandfather, whom is the relative I loved the most in the history of my family, started dating a woman when he was in his mid 70’s a few years after losing my grandmother. It confused me and I tried to repress it, but I never judged him for that.  

My thinking if the majority of you have no interest in becoming romantically involved, but who knows. It seems most widows/widowers in their early 50’s want to start a new life…but I dunno. I still want to appreciate and reflect on my old life. 

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I agree totally here, I'm in my 50s too, was 53 when I lost my soulmate almost two years ago and he was only 57. I also agree with your 'never say never", but not in this case, at least not for me. My husband is still my husband, always will be, my wedding ring will stay on my finger forever and I wear his ring on a gold chain around my neck. I can't imagine giving my heart to anyone else, have no desire to, anyway. Still, we are all different, so I won't absolutely judge anyone who doesn't share my feelings. 

 

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5 hours ago, Sad_Widower said:

For me…I have learned decades ago to “never say never” to anything in the world. With that, I simply do not see myself ever being in another relationship.

Turning 70 in a couple of weeks...I was 52 when he died.  Highly unlikely!

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After 4 years is only a wish...i'd like have somebody to love again  but i'm not looking for someone...i still looking for him!

I don't think i'm really ready for someone else...i don't know if i will ever ready !

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I feel like a jerk and a chump for saying I would want someone else. I'm just human, but I feel like wanting another relationship makes me look like I didn't love Annette enough. It's never going to happen. The only women who I would probably be able to relate to are widows, and they ain't having any interest in relationships by and large. It's absolutely ridiculous to even entertain the idea, and yet I do. A woman my age would want a provider, security, a sugar daddy. I am none of those things. The great thing with Annette was we were a team and she accepted me for who I was- what I could and couldn't do. I can't even imagine how stupid my dating profile would look. 

I suppose I could have had a fling with the Meth head, crazy woman who wandered over to my indoor storage unit when I was just going through the wreckage of my life (you literally cannot go anywhere in my town without getting hassled for money or something by homeless people), but she was a mess, strung out and I was afraid she might have knifed me. I was sure she was trying to get a ride or something but I didn't want that drama in my car (or the smell). And the Love Search rolls on. 

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Nope.  When you've had the best, the rest won't do.

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2 hours ago, nashreed said:

I feel like a jerk and a chump for saying I would want someone else. I'm just human, but I feel like wanting another relationship makes me look like I didn't love Annette enough. It's never going to happen. The only women who I would probably be able to relate to are widows, and they ain't having any interest in relationships by and large. It's absolutely ridiculous to even entertain the idea, and yet I do. A woman my age would want a provider, security, a sugar daddy. I am none of those things. The great thing with Annette was we were a team and she accepted me for who I was- what I could and couldn't do. I can't even imagine how stupid my dating profile would look. 

Interesting topic. Each one of us have experienced a loss, have our own unique situation, and have lived varied lives. I think everyone's response is valid.

Nashreed, as you said you are only human, so I wouldn't think of you as a jerk because you would like another relationship. You state 3 things you think a woman your age would want. I'm in that age group and those things aren't on my list if I were looking for a new relationship. People want many different things from a relationship.

At some point I would defiantly consider a new relationship. It wouldn't be to replaced the one I had, rather it would develop alongside it. My soul has the capacity to love. I love my daughter, my grandson, my friends, my late husband - to me it's part of what makes me 'me'. And I would never ignore or suppress the needs of my soul. If I meet another man and there is a mutual emotional connection I would not deny that. To not allow my soul to love another soul would be like cutting off my oxygen supply. I wouldn't suffocate my soul needs if another love relationship came into my life. My soul needs many things, rest, fun, connection with friends, emotional intimacy in an exclusive relationship. I'm not looking, but when my heart and soul are healed I'm open to the possibilities of another soul connection.

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7 hours ago, nashreed said:

I feel like a jerk and a chump for saying I would want someone else.

James, you are neither of those.  As Boho-Soul says, everyone's life is different.  I've noticed men tend to pair up again after losing their other half, whereas women don't.  And sometimes the reverse happens.  It may be wiring, or gender, or socialization, or just personality, or the type of loss or the duration of it, or the trauma of it, or any combination. 💔

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16 minutes ago, Kieron said:

James, you are neither of those.  As Boho-Soul says, everyone's life is different.  I've noticed men tend to pair up again after losing their other half, whereas women don't.  And sometimes the reverse happens.  It may be wiring, or gender, or socialization, or just personality, or the type of loss or the duration of it, or the trauma of it, or any combination. 💔

The outcome of our lives after loss does not always follow what the stats say. And if men typically pair up again then there are women out there who are pairing up with them.

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10 hours ago, Boho-Soul said:

And if men typically pair up again then there are women out there who are pairing up with them.

In another website i was ,we had this argument too...and one of the member made me laugh saying : i don't want to be a nurse or a purse!..meaning that many men looking for an accomodation more than a love relantionship...IMO men do bad alone, more than women...and it's unbelievable how they can find another woman ready to bear some situation! A neighbor of mine known for never wanting to work, while his wife went crazy to support family and children, after a year of widowhood found another woman...and i don't think he changed his lifestyle...

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10 hours ago, Boho-Soul said:

And if men typically pair up again then there are women out there who are pairing up with them.

Good point!

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2 hours ago, Roxi said:

In another website i was ,we had this argument too...and one of the member made me laugh saying : i don't want to be a nurse or a purse!..meaning that many men looking for an accomodation more than a love relantionship.

I’ve heard that saying before too. Some older men either want a woman to care for them as they age or use them to pay their way financially. It’s a hard no to either scenario for me.

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20 hours ago, Boho-Soul said:

Some older men either want a woman to care for them as they age

Yep!  That's what I've encountered!  One was a neighbor I barely know, in his 70s, seriously we have nothing in common, I told him I start with "friendship" at least and hadn't dated in many years, and that was the last I heard from him!  I guess he wanted an easy reel!  Ha!  NOT into eating carbs and drinking (like him)! 

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