Being Alone Sucks

[scba]

On 1/18/2023 at 2:17 AM, Boho-Soul said:

I miss having conversations with someone about daily life. I’m sick of eating alone with no one to talk to. Still bummed that my friends ghost me when I text and friendships have faded. It’s stupid. I had and made solid friendships more when I left my abusive marriage and was going through a divorce than a death. Maybe because I was so young and had a child. Ugh!

I usually don’t like to complain but I’m just so lonely and finding new friendships is hard. Being alone 

 

I will take from here to add my point of view about the initial  post. 

I don't eat at the table anymore. I eat in a small table adapted to my sofa. It is uncomfortable for my back but this I prefer rather than feeling miserable at being alone in my own table with an empty chair in front of me. My single friends place their laptop or IPad in front of them. I just can't without feeling that pain I know well. I miss HIS company and sometimes any kind of company. I have adapted to being on my own but it is not something I feel I should be praised for. It is not exciting either. The glam around single life eludes me. 

Making new friends as an adult is very hard when you were never "popular". I have many virtual friends because we live far away from each other now. Making face to face friends is difficult. When my finances were better I attended many groups but people were interested in you, to a point, because you were there. But they won't call you outside from that place. You just met there and that's it. It is the way it is in the Capital. And I assume for big cities too.

I have noticed lately a tendency to show lack of commitment in workplace and personal relations. It is all fine as long as you don't bring your personal burden to me. As long as this is useful and funny for me. 

I will leave the issue of finding love again. I am a scientist and I work with data. My data shows that most of my life I have been around being unnoticed by guys. I am not the type who attracts them. My BF was jealous and I was like: you shouldn't. No evidence of someone chasing me.

My data tells me there is little probability. Jane Austin says it better in her novel Emma. 

 

 

 

 

[Roxi]

1 hour ago, scba said:

Jane Austin says it better in her novel Emma. 

 

Ana, Emma didn't even notice that her true love was with her all the time...maybe it's the same for you ? I don't think you are not attractive for the men...you're young, you are wounded and sometimes the fear of another wound is so strong that leave you alone and sad at your own table.

I understand...but i think it's time to open your heart again....i hope for you a full life and maybe another love💕

Warm hugs Roxi

[nashreed]

Scba, 

I think you're very, very wise in this regard. I really thought that women had it sooo much easier in their ability to find a relationship if they chose to. Not always the case it seems. 

Meeting people in person is beyond impossible for me. My neighbors are Mexican families whom I have less than zero in common with. I go to the chiropractor and the grocery store and that's it. No chance for romance there. 

If I had money, I would be in a lot better shape. There's a reason Buzz can get a younger wife at 93. If you're poor, you're nonexistent. I know I'll never have another relationship or even an in-person friend. Long distance friends often just leave you feeling even more isolated. They're in their city, and I'm here in my purgatory. 

I totally understand and sympathize. I think someone like Boho, who is willing and able to find that wherewithal to be with the living should be encouraged. You can't live in memories. 

[Boho-Soul]

1 hour ago, nashreed said:

I think someone like Boho, who is willing and able to find that wherewithal to be with the living should be encouraged.

Thx James 🙏

[Boho-Soul]

For what it’s worth I just want to clarify a recent post I wrote, if for nobody else, then for myself.

My posts are in response to my feelings and experiences around my husband’s death. That's the category I write my posts under - 'Loss of Spouse, Partner'. When I respond to posts it's also in the context of this type of loss. When I read others posts I believe they are responding around this type of loss.

When others speak about feelings of misery years, or decades into their loss of a spouse, it's hard to hear with my loss being so recent. I didn't realize they were adding on other issues of loss and life calamities into the mix, and perhaps I responded from a place of fear thinking, "Is this what I have to look forward to?"

Perhaps there should be another category for "Loss relating to Injury, illness or Aging" so it isn't added to the "Loss of Spouse" category. I thought there were categories for a reason, so we don't ball up the losses of spouse, friend, pet, sibling, grandparent etc. into one. It could become too confusing and not everyone could then relate.

When losses around aging or health issues come into play with loss of spouse it becomes confusing to someone who is just focusing on the loss of their spouse. Maybe that's why I responded the way I did, because I couldn't relate to the compounded levels of loss that were blended together and the space others were responding from.

[Gwenivere]

I'd like to know how you got a positive mindset when everyday is a battle that has gone on for years?  We are both in that boat.  Every time I turn around I get more bad news.  

[kayc]

Life doesn't work like that in nice neat little boxes.  Sometimes it has overlays and I started out here 17 1/2 years ago...I didn't know I "graduated to illness or injuries," it just kind of happened somewhere in the grieving.

Wow, somehow I don't think that makes me feel better...or Gwen either.

[KarenK]

I understand what Boho is saying. Those of us who have been here for a while talk back and forth about most all problems we are having. Problems that could have arisen with or without our spouse. We have communicated for years this way because we're friends. I guess we have kind of an unspoken agreement that this is okay. I know I use this forum as my link to humanity as I belong to no online social groups.

Boho, let's be honest. Yes, you could be looking at some of the same problems in the future. Anyone could. It's all just part of life and getting older.

There is nothing wrong with having a brighter outlook on life. It's just harder for some than others because of their unique experiences. We are all individuals and handle things differently.

[kayc]

That is not what I was referring to, I'm all for her starting this thread, but when she personally attacked some of us and then suggested we be relegated to another category...well I draw the line.  I'm done here.

[KarenK]

I think this mole hill has become a mountain and we all have better things to stress over. I'll continue to post as always. If you don't like my content, don't read it. If it's deemed inappropriate, I'm sure Marty will step in.

[V. R.]

I'm sorry to hear about these misunderstandings between some of you, I'm sure neither of you meant to offend the other. Perhaps it's also the difficulty in connecting to each other using only written speech, without being able to see each others' facial expressions, body language, which would help to clarify miscomprehensions. 

6 hours ago, KarenK said:

Problems that could have arisen with or without our spouse. We

I think these words are so true, I do feel for everyone here who has been been alone for many years now, after losing their spouse, and that aging/health issues are definitely much more difficult to face when you are completely alone. I have witnessed this, having watched  my MIL's long-suffering years completely alone, and on the other hand, my parents in their late 80s now, with all the usual age-related complications but at least they are both still together. It makes a difference, when there's still the "the two of you" for sure, it really does! But I also understand those like me, with a more recent loss, (I think we are more or less in the same age group), still unable to accept  the reality of what's happened (at least, in my case!), terrified of facing the many years ahead, trying to hang on to a glimmer of hope for the future,at least for our mental sanity, seeking support, empathy, and  understanding, which thankfully I've received from you all here, sharing my feelings. 

[Margm]

That was very sweet and insightful.  I'm sure in seven years I have read things that I would not touch with a reply of any sort.  I usually stay in my lane.  I do think we would have all been better off if I had let it alone.  For that, I am sorry.  

[kayc]

Me too Marg but something in me burst when she said the things she did.  I felt shoved into a corner, like I wasn't worth anything anymore.  It hit me hard, I couldn't sleep last night.  I don't want bad blood between us or any tension here.  I'll have to let it go but damn it hurt!