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Lost Again

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My father died April 10,2006. I'm taking care of my mother who does not even know he is gone. It is lonely. My brother and sister do not communicate. I have no one to talk about this loss with. I can't go to bereavement sessions because all my free time is taken up with caring for my mother. My life is on hold in so many ways and it is very sad. I don't know if feelings of helplessness, hopelessnes, loneliness is going to go on forever now. I need something good to happen in my life but every door seems to be shut in my face. Is this part of the grieving process or do I have other serious problems. Suicide has entered my mind more than once. But I have my mother and my pets to care for first. I just wish I could feel happy once again.

Has anyone gone through this? Does happiness every come again? Do our lives ever have hope again?

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Michelle, dear ~

I'm so very sorry that you're feeling so overwhelmed and so alone, but I can assure you that you are not alone ~ we are here for you.

You say that suicide has entered your mind more than once. I can also assure you that thoughts of suicide are not unusual when we are feeling overwhelmed and just want the awful circumstances of our lives to change. But there is a vast difference between thinking about suicide and acting upon such thoughts. A person who is seriously considering suicide needs to seek help at once -- see, for example, IF YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT SUICIDE, READ THIS FIRST. Correct me if I'm wrong, but what I think you're saying is that if life will always be the way it is now, if I'm always going to feel the way I feel now, what is the point of going on? That is an absolutely human and normal reaction to the very difficult set of circumstances in which you find yourself, Michelle, and I would venture to say that many (if not most) of us would feel exactly the same as you do if we were in your shoes.

You also say that, because you have your mother and your pets to care for first, suicide is not a realistic option for you right now. If that is your reason ~ indeed, your only reason, not to act on those suicidal thoughts ~ then let it be enough. Let your mother's and your pets' need for you be your reason to hold on, to hang on, to keep on ~ and for now, just let it be enough.

I'm just wondering ~ did you ever get a chance to go back to the Care Giving page on my Grief Healing Web site? I know you are very busy taking care of your mother, but there is a vast array of resources there that I think you would find very useful, and I hope you will take some time to explore them -- perhaps while your mother is resting or sleeping?

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I also have been taking care of my mother and our pets since my dad died and I know exactly how you feel. When I found this board it was like finding a miracle. I, too, had no one to talk things over with and coming here helped me more than I can tell you. I have felt suicidal at times too, but I love my mom and my kitties too much to leave them, and I think you feel the same way. And, as Marty told you, these are normal feelings. You are not going crazy, it just feels like it at times! Try to read as much as you can on the caregiver topic. One of the hardest things I had to realize was that I had to take care of myself too. Be good to yourself.

Please come back and express your feelings, it really helps.

A big hug to you,


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