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im feeling really really down today my sister died 3 years ago from alchol she was 30 years old.I have my niece living with me (my sisters daughter) and last night she had a dream about her mum that her mum was waiting for her to go and see her in hospital and say goodbye to her she cried for 3 solid hours and today i cant look at her i keep bursting in to tears shes asking me a lot of questions about her mum that i dont feel im ready to answer yet and i dont know what to do she was 9 when her mum passed away she has grief counsling every week hugs and kisses to every 1 that needs them andrea xx

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Hi Andrea,

I'm so sorry about your sister, and I know from reading your other posts that you are doing your best to come to terms with this. Keep coming to this site, and spend some time reading through some of the other message threads. You will find that the more you learn about grief and mourning and how others respond to it, the better prepared you are to manage your own reactions. See, for example, this message posted under the topic, Am I To Blame?

Because you are also struggling to help your niece with all of this, I hope you will pay a visit to the Child, Adolescent Grief page of my Grief Healing Web site, as it contains links to so many resources that I think you will find helpful, too.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

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Andrea,

That is a hard postion to be in, raising your sisters daughter and having her look to you for answers. Personally, and this is just my opinion, and I'm certainly no expert, but I think she needs to be told the truth as kindly and gently as you can. And actually she will probably handle it better at this age, and will grow up with this knowledge, not always wondering what happened. Recently I had contact with a half-brother of an old boyfriend of mine that died when this brother was only 5. His family would never tell him about his brother and now, at 30, he is trying to find out about him and what happened. It has turned the whole thing into a huge mystery to him that he doesn't understand. I don't understand why his family has made such a secret out of it and fell it's been terribly unfair to him. That is part of why I feel your neice should know the truth. I think it would make her life so much easier. Just one opinion on the matter. Good luck with her and yourself.

Hugs to you both,

Shell

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im feeling really really down today my sister died 3 years ago from alchol she was 30 years old.I have my niece living with me (my sisters daughter) and last night she had a dream about her mum that her mum was waiting for her to go and see her in hospital and say goodbye to her she cried for 3 solid hours and today i cant look at her i keep bursting in to tears shes asking me a lot of questions about her mum that i dont feel im ready to answer yet and i dont know what to do she was 9 when her mum passed away she has grief counsling every week hugs and kisses to every 1 that needs them andrea xx

Andrea,

You are very loving person and your niece is very lucky to have you. I have no siblings so I cannot say I know what you feel, but I can say, you can do only what you can do. Perhaps you can give simplistic answers to a few questions and tell your niece that you can't talk about all of it now.

She may be upset at first about the decision, but she will understand. I am sure there are questions she is asking that in truth, the answers she is not ready to hear.

I will keep both of you close in prayer.

Suzy

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Andrea,

You said she has grief counseling every week. Why don't you talk to her counselor about it? She could maybe help you decide and give you tips on what and how to tell her. Or she might be able to tell her for you or something. Just a thought.

Hugs,

Shell

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