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Coming Up To The One Year Anniversary Of My Dad's Death


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Hi it is me Starkiss again,

I am coming up to the one year anniversary of my dad's death. He died on August 25, 2005 and I have been very depressed about his death. I want to be able to understand everything that is going on please help me do this.

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  • 3 months later...

Hi All,

Since no one else had anything to say I thought I would add another comment. I did manage to get through dad's one year anniversary and did the same thing I did with my mom... I let balloons go after saying a peom I wrote about him... Take care Shelley

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Hi Magdalyn,

That is so weird to have someone loss someone they love so very close to myself losing my own dad... I did manage to get through the one year anniversary of my dad's with little pain... My mom's one year was a little harder on me.... I am presently having a very rough time and I am not sleeping very well because of dreaming about my mom so much.... I want to thank you for sharing your story with me as well Take care and I am a very good listener if you ever need one... Shelley

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  • 2 months later...
  • 1 month later...

Hi, Shelley: I'm so sorry to hear that you've been having a rough time of late. I'm dreading the upcoming one year anniversary of my Dad's death this summer; Christmas was pretty rough and I've been very down since then....so I haven't been on the boards for a while. My brother and I had quite a disagreement over the holidays, which didn't help much either. But I guess as we've said many times before on here...the best we can do is to do the best we can do one day at a time. I'm glad you felt that you made it through your Dad's anniversary the best you could. Please feel free to email privately anytime you'd like to as well.

Hugs,

Leann

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Leann,

Thank you so very much for your caring words, It was easier than you might think... I will pray for you so that you can get through this rough time as well. Take care Shelley

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Hey Everyone

I am needing a shoulder to lean on it is coming very close to the year of my MOM leaving me. What in gods name do I do help I am choking up already and my stomache is in knots and I am a reck. I feel so alone and depressed and going crazy I thought I was doing ok but the other day I was looking at the calander and saw the month of March and April (MOM got real sick in March and left me in April) and on top of that her birthday is 2 days after she left me I want to crawl in a hole and stay I am a reck. I still have ger ashes and all but man I am scared and lost I want my MOM back.

Thanks

Haley

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Dear Haley

I really don't feel qualified to give advice to you since I haven't hit the one year mark yet, but I just wanted to tell you to hang in there as best as you can. Maybe you can plan something special and uplifting for that day to honor your mom. I have read some really great posts from some people who have already been in your position and it seems to me that everyone got through it ok. But I do think that it takes some planning before the day comes so your not without anything going on that day.

Hugs to you...Lori

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Haley,

The only thing I can say is that once that one year mark is over, at least you've gone through it. I sometimes think we all think too much in terms of anniversaries and such. It builds up so much tension just because a certain date is on the calendar, you know what I mean? Just hang in there (it's kind of like what we all went through during the holidays!) and remember that this too shall pass.

Big hugs,

Shell

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi All,

It will be two years in April that I lost my mom and boy it feels like yesterday to me... And it will be two years that I lost my dad in August and it still hurts to think he will never see me again... I am going through such a large amount of emotions that I do not know if I am coming or going... So here I am sitting and waiting to see what will come next Shelley

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Hey Everybody

Well Its only a few days away from when my MOM left me and I am going nuts its like the Roller Coaster Ride starts over again. I am going nuts, all I can picture and think about is from the night I got the call of her being put in the hospital March 26, 2006 up until they took her from me April 9, 2006 . man I want to scream my lungs out and cry and go nuts. I do not no what I am going to do I am going to have a nervous break down. I close my eyes and it all plays in my mind and I try to sleep and I can not I try talking to her and nothing I I really do not no what to do. I am so scared to come up to the day April 9 I am going to freak really I am. I am having anixety attacks and my mind goes blank except the picture of my MOM from the dates above. how can i get through this what can I do please somebody give me advice I am actually leaving the state so that I do not hurt anybody that I love or care about here and I am taking that time off from work I will not be anygood to them and I need my job I do not need to put that in to jeopardy well if anybody has any input in this please tell me.

Thanks

Haley

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Haley, my dear, you ask, how can i get through this what can I do please somebody give me advice.

So many of our members have faced ~ or are about to face ~ the first-year anniversary of the death of their loved ones, and our forums are filled with specific ideas you can use to help you get through these difficult days. See, for example, the following posts:

Feeling Down

Memories

Reawakening of Intense Feelings

First Year Anniversary

Is This Normal?

Haley, while I do not think your reactions signal that you're "going nuts" or "going to have a nervous breakdown," I am concerned that you may not be getting sufficient help in dealing with your grief. I do think it's important that we acknowledge the limitations of a forum such as this, because sometimes our needs exceed the capacity of a Message Board to help ~ when a person is in danger of hurting oneself or another, for example, or when someone's anger is out of control, or when one's grief does not diminish in any way at all over an extended period of time. In such instances I would urge such individuals to seek professional help at once, so they can get the help they so desperately need and deserve. I believe with all my heart that grief counseling (both individually and in groups) and individual psychotherapy are among the most precious gifts we can choose to give to ourselves, and I know from my own experience that they can change our lives for the better.

Unlike friendship, a professional counseling relationship offers you the opportunity to relate to a caring, supportive individual who understands the grief process, doesn't need you to depend upon, and will allow you to mourn without interference. Within the safety and confidentiality of a therapeutic relationship, you can share your intimate thoughts, make sense of what you're feeling, and clarify your reactions. An effective grief counselor is knowledgeable about the grief process, helps you feel understood, offers a witness to your experience, encourages you to move forward, fosters faith that you will survive, and offers hope that you will get through your grief.

As I have said to you in previous posts, Haley, I hope you will consider talking to someone about your grief as something to pursue. It's out there and available to you. You deserve it. And you are worth it.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi All,

I have just found out that the family has decided to scatter my parents ashes on the day that my dad passed away... I do not know where yet but just the thought of it being on the day he passed away will be sad to begin with... I just can not imagine scattering their ashes... I loved them so very much that not being able to see where they go with be unbearable to me but this is what they wanted and I have to respected their wishes but of that love I have for them both... I will keep you all posted but for now I will pray that I am doing the right thing.... shelley

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  • 2 months later...

Hi All,

Here I am getting ready for the month of August to come around again.. This month I just rather skip if I could, My dad's two year anniversary is on the 25 of this month and my favorite uncle who's name is Don, his fourth year anniversary is on the 21 of this month... And how it stands right now within my family it could also see my aunt leave us sometime this month as the Starkey curse happens once again.... Take care Shelley

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Shelley,

I sure know the "curse" feeling! So many people leaving us at one time makes you feel cursed. Like a big black cloud is hanging over you. But, the sun will peep through once again...

Hope your Aunt does better than expected.

Hugs,

Shell

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Hi Shell,

Thank you for your kindness and support, I too hope that it stops now and we do not lose anyone for a little while and let the family settle down before the next death.... Take care Shelley

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  • 1 month later...

Hi All,

As I get closer to the second anniversary I feel sad but wonder what the day will be like... I am hoping it will be a nice day with lots of sun... But only God knows for sure... I am planning to take the kids to the park and release some more balloons...Take care Shelley

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi All,

Here I am a few days after the second anniversary of my dad's death... I went to the cottage with my sister and her family and the drive was okay but when we got there and we were pulling in to the cottage my sister asked me if she was close to this big rock and I said she had lots of room but as she kept moving she got closer and closer... I told her but I guess she did not here me and ended up scraping two big marks on the car door which later made my brother in law really mad...Other then that the weekend was great until Sunday night when we were driving home and I became ill to my stomach... I finally had to tell my brother in law to pull over and I barely got out of the car... before it happened...There was two of these times during the ride home... Anyway I kind of felt good that I had some quiet time in the outdoors to remember how much I loved my dad... Take care Shelley

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Shelley,

It sounds like you did pretty well, good for you. The stomach problems were probably nerves! I'm glad you had some time to yourself for memories. It's important to be able to really think about things sometimes and go "back" in time in your mind.

Hugs,

Shell

Edited by shell
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Hi All,

I think the balloon idea will probably turn out to be a yearly thing because the two nephews I live with and the neice loved going and releasing the balloons... On the balloons we added I love you notes as well.. Take care Shelley

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  • 7 months later...

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