STARKISS Posted July 30, 2006 Report Share Posted July 30, 2006 Hi, I really do not know where this goes when talking about death but here it is anyway. My mom died April 18, 2005 and my dad died August 25, 2005 and now that they are both gone I have lost most of my contact with my siblings. I live with my sister and see one brother but the other two brothers do not even call and when I try to communicate I do not get anything back. This is so heart breaking after the family being so very close when I say this we saw one another usually once or twice a week now we are lucky to see one another once a year. I know that this is not deaths of siblings but after being so close to one another I feel like two of them have died. I wish I could see them but I have tried everything.... Please help if you can thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maylissa Posted July 30, 2006 Report Share Posted July 30, 2006 Starkiss,I don't know that I can help, really, but I can relate somewhat to your loss of contact with your siblings and the extra pain that brings with the major loss of your parents. While I only restarted communicating with my oldest brother when our Mum was hospitalized before her death months later, it was that brother who died 2 months after our Mum, and the remaining brother decided to focus all his energies on amassing his fortunes by stealing our parents' funds, before our father is even dead. While I'd been the one to try to keep the lines of communication open between me and him, he was the one who couldn't have been bothered and worked behind my back, lying to me about what he was doing, until I finally just stopped calling him and later on called a lawyer instead. However, it seems that he's going to be able to get away with his thieving ways as I have little desire left to spend what precious time I have left here on spending good money to take him to court and possibly never recover what he stole for himself.It strikes me that maybe, as is so common in many families, your mom and dad were the reason your family still saw each other more regularly before and that now that they're both gone, everyone has gone their separate ways...except for the 2 you still have contact with. To be totally truthful, I must admit to feeling some jealousy there, as at least you still have 2 siblings with whom to talk, whereas I have none now.....just after I'd started to reconnect with my dead brother and was enjoying parts of that reconnection. While he wouldn't have been the best of support for me in my grief ( he preferred to stay in his head, not his heart, almost exclusively ), it was still better than nothing, and since his untimely death, I was left w/o ANY family ally to fight this other, greedy brother. So the only thing I can offer is my sympathy for your secondary losses and the option of counting your blessings regarding your 2 siblings' presence in your life. As to what to do with the others, I really can't say. I'd tried writing my greedy brother a heart-felt letter earlier on when I first realized some of what he was up to behind the scenes, but he just twisted it around to suit his greedy view and never replied at all....just kept stealing more money that should have gone to our father's account. It seems quite common for families nowadays to break up after parents die, and since many of us don't continue to live in the same communities for life anymore, much of our support, both from family and community, just doesn't exist the way it used to. I think this also helps fuel the lack of accountability between family members that might have existed in a closer and more visible community setting. If you've already tried several things to communicate with these other siblings and they're not responding, there's probably little you can do, at least at this time. Maybe later on things will change....but for now, perhaps you could keep it simple and forge a stronger bond with the 2 that are talking to you, which may even end up helping in relations with the others in the future. Sorry, but that's all I've got! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted July 30, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2006 Hi Maylissa,I am so so sorry for your losses and all the troubles you have had to deal with. Especially with your dead brother. I can not even imagine if I had to deal with anyone of what you had to I would probably be dead myself. God Bless you and I will keep You in my prayers. I am thankful for the connection I have but I am not writing to make anyone jealous. I appreciate your comments and again I did not know where what I said went so I am sorry if I made it sound like I was not thankful for what I had. It is just hard for me to see such a close family as what I used to have fall apart. Take care Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maylissa Posted July 30, 2006 Report Share Posted July 30, 2006 Starkiss,I think you misread what I was saying....these were just my feelings I was expressing in the context of your situation. Sorry your family isn't what it used to be, though. Yes, it's tough when that happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted July 30, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2006 Sorry Maylissa,I hope I did not hurt your feelings, I have turned into such an insecure person that I have a very hard time figuring out what people are saying so again I am sorry if I misread your comments. Thank you for trying to help me.Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul S Posted July 31, 2006 Report Share Posted July 31, 2006 Hi starkiss:Losing touch with siblings is not uncommon after a parent dies. When the last parent dies, there is nothing necessarily binding the surviving siblings together. Splits or rifts invariably develop, especially if each sibling had a different relationship with the parents or was affected differently by the death.I am not on speaking terms with my sister who was the executor of my Mom's estate (Mom was the last parent to die. She left Nov 2005). Her style of grieving was markedly different from mine, plus I think that being the executor went to her head in a power trip. I bore the brunt of the abuse. (I had been living with Mom for the previous 10 years, and was her caregiver for most of that time, esp the last couple of years.) The other siblings tried to steer a narrow course between my sis and I, but this just hurt and offended me. I speak to them, when I am up to it, cuz I am trying to be forgiving (!) and they don't know any better .Don't worry too much about offending anyone. In the state of mind some of us are in, and the limitations of trying to express on a good day our feelings using the written word, sometimes a misread is unavoidable. Some of us try to take extra time and read carefully to make sure, and give the benefit of the doubt. A bereavement center that I ocassionally attend support group meetings at sometimes hands out info to the effect that on a scale of 0-100, our self-esteem is normally figured at to be in the low 80's. After a death, and during grieving, the number drops to the mid-teens. So your low self-esteem is not a surprise, it's another 'normal'. I know what you mean about how it seems as if your siblings have died. I sometimes feel that my sister has died. Perhaps I can try to incorporate that into my overall grieving. Maybe it'll lead to a reconciliation. But that'll be a long way off, anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted July 31, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 31, 2006 Hi PaulS,Thank you for your understanding and comments I hope all gets easier for you in the situation you are in. I think maybe time will tell with my siblings. I hope that your life does get better and I am sorry to hear about your losses. Take care and I will pray for you anytime you need me to Thanks again Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted October 6, 2006 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 Hi To Everyone who has post in this area,I am very thankful for all of you and wanted you to all know how appreciative I was... Thanks again Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted December 26, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 26, 2006 Hi All, It is me again, I am so depressed that my family does not think it that important to celebrate Christmas together... I rarely saw any of them this year and when I did it was so hard to be glad that we met because I was so depressed that we just do not act like a family anymore... Take care Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorikelly Posted December 27, 2006 Report Share Posted December 27, 2006 Just want to say that my siblings and i don't speak. i pray everyday that this will chance b/c i believe in my heart that it would help to have them. my therapists say no. i continue to pray, and i have to leave it in Gods hands. lori Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted December 27, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 27, 2006 Hi All,I just wanted to add that I hope in the future that all our families come back together and we all live as well as we can... I will pray for peace for all of our families Take care Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted March 28, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 Hi All,I just wanted everyone to know that two of my siblings and I are close again so there is hope out there just believe and let God help and it will happen if it was meant to be... God Bless Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorikelly Posted March 29, 2007 Report Share Posted March 29, 2007 I pray everyday for that Shelley. thanks for giving me hope. Lori Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted April 13, 2007 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2007 Hi Lorikelly,I am thankful that I can atleast give hope to someone at this time of my life mostly I feel like I am taking more than I am giving... Take care Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted October 12, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 12, 2007 Hi All,My sister and I are close and my brother and I are close... But the rest of the family has drifted apart but since I started using facebook I discovered more extended family that I had and really did not know... It is now wonderful that I can talk to people who I have just met and really get to know other members of my dad's family... Take care Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted May 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 18, 2008 Hi All,I am posting this because I know now that my sister has lost touch with me.. During the last few days as we come back from Las Vegas where I lost my mom three years ago... Kerry and I got in some major fights over simply nothing... I never told her just how I felt while I was down there... I just do not know how to tell her that it was so very upsetting while I was down there... I did not want to say anything infront of her friends and now I just do not know what to say... I guess I could write a letter to her but than I may hear something from her out loud... Maybe I could ask her to write any comments down and than we will see what comes of it... Or maybe I can reach my old counsellor and we could meet and discuss it together... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted July 8, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2010 Hi All, As I said in 2005, my sister and one brother are fairly close but not now... It is five years later and none of my family and I are close anymore, it is like I grew this fear inside of me about them all... I do not talk to any of my brothers anymore and my sister and I are polite to each other but do not see eye to eye anymore either... Sorry if I gave you hope before but all families are not the same mine is just going through some major problems right now and I have to believe God if He wants us to be together than it will happen... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now