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New Here And Suffing Grief

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Hi My name is Don and I am new too this site. Hospice of the Valley Gave me this web site And I am greatful.

My wife passed away on January 14,2004 at 12:30 PM. I am a loss for words now I have so many emotions flowing through my body and my mind.

My wife suffered from Diabetse She went into the hospital on November 21 and returned home to live out her last hours.On January 13 2004. I am thankful for the fact that as she took her last breath I was able to hold her hand and let her know I loved her.Even as I am writing this tears are rolling down my cheeks, I can't ever remember crying this much. God how I miss my wife.

It hurts so much I have not been able too return to work and my boss does not under stand his reply to me was shes gone put it behind you anf move on. Yea right! He has no idea how much I loved Rhonda and how deeply saddened that she is gone.

I have learned this much about grieving that it is a process and everyone is different about they go through it. I know in my mind and my heart that I have to get though this thast because Rhonda wouls want me too.

I also have bills to pay and have to eat.

I am just so greatful that I don't have do this alone. I have web sires as this one and there are groups I can go too. And there is God Who has me in grasp now moer then ever as I am wrting this.

Well I have taken up enough time and space for now. Thanks for being here. Don

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Hi Don, you are in no way alone in this. There are many of us out here hearing your words, and understanding your pain.

I hate to have to welcome you to this list as I know only too well how high the cost of admission is. I am so very sorry to hear of Rhonda's death, and that you are in such pain right now. I understand where you are, although for me it has been 8 long years ago this past August 3. I can barely remember 3+ weeks, except that I did go back to work after that 3rd week. Like you, I had bills to pay and food to buy, and with the sudden loss of ½ the income it was a case of have to.

The first thing that struck me was your boss's words to you about getting on with life. It is so easy to make those stupid and hurtful comments when death has never touched you, but when it has, you learn better. Forgive him Don, he is ignorant. Not knowing what kind of work you do, I still make this suggestion. I would try to get back doing something as soon as you feel comfortable, I believe that my working was what saved me at times. If it hadn't been for my fellow workers dotting my i's, and crossing my t's at first, I probably would not have made it. Getting past that first 3 or 4 weeks at work, I found that I could function quite well most of the time working, but as soon as I had a few free moments, I would sink deep within the grief.

You are absolutely right about all of us getting thru this grief process in our own time and in our own way. One of the best lessons I learned in my journey, was not to use another's standards as a yardstick to measure my grief progress or lack of it. For quite a while I would really get down on myself for still feeling this or that, when someone else said at that same time they were past all that. I finally came to the conclusion that no one else had the same relationship that I had with Bob and I had to deal with my loss of my other half the only way I could. Often you will feel completely stagnant in your grief, and others will feel that you are making progress. My advice is to just take it one moment at a time.

Keep reaching out, and telling your story to all and any who will listen. Give yourself permission to fall apart, and also give yourself permission to laugh about something. I began my healing in earnest when I got online. I did not have access to the web for the first 2½ years, did not have a in person grief group to turn to. I just sort of stumbled my way thru it all. When I got online, and made my way to a group such as this, I finally saw that I was ok. I was not as crazy as I thought I was. Just knowing that others understood where I was coming from, and how I reacted, made all the difference for me. I was finally able to come to the conclusion that Bob was not on some sort of exotic trip, that he really was not coming home.

I keep an eye on this board to reach out and give back some of what I recieved so long ago. The hardest thing to imagine when you start out on this journey is that eventually with time you will begin to feel better. There is a point in time when you think you will forget your loved one. That is part of the grieving that gives you that fuzzy brain. The more you talk about Rhonda, the more firmly embedded she becomes in your heart. Where ever you go, and what ever you do, she will be with you. That is how it is with Bob. I am never without him, no matter what my situation is.

I am holding you in my prayers Don, that you find some comfort in my words. Sending you warm hugs to wrap yourself in when the grief becomes too unbearable.

Love and Blessings,

Lynda (bobsgal)

Our Story

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Hi Don,

I am so sorry that you have had to seek us out. It has been 145 days since I lost my soul mate. This journey of grief has been extremely difficult for me. After all those days you would think that I would be doing much better. I have been doing a great job of faking it and going through the motions of the daily grind, but when he passed away my life came to a screeching halt. I see that "bobsgal" has left you a message. It is strange to me that her kind words to me have helped me more than some of the people that have been closest to my heart. I come to this site 3 or 4 times a week and read what others have to say. When I think I am all alone I realize I am not. I think about everyone here and the prices they had to pay to be here but also I see that I am normal, even when I think I have lost my mind. I have been told many times that things get better, but I am not sure when that happens. Some people post and I am shocked at how fast they seemed to have moved on and I am envious. I wonder if this pain ever goes away. I too sit with a stream of tears rolling down my face every time I read a story. I have found that "bobsgal" is right......everytime you talk about it and everytime you tell your story your heart hurts a little bit less. Today the sun is shinning were I live......and I am able to see it. It hurts much to come here and read but I think it helps for the healing too. Talk about Rhonda often and be still when you feel her around you. Take care.

Soul mate left behind

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