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Can't Believe What People Say


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Hi

Well sunday was a horrible day for me, the grief was overwhelming and my anxiety is getting worse. i was sick to my stomach could not get comfortable, leggs shaking and out of my mind. i stayed home from work. well anyway my motherin law called and basically told me to pull myself out of it and that i need to get over it. she thinks i am dragging this on to long. my mom has been gone for ONLY 5 WEEKS!!!!!! she said she is concerned for her son and and my boys. i felt so bad i couldn't even answer her. my husband was furious at her, she then called yesterday and today. my husband would not speak to her until he could calm down. she drove to our house today and tom was leaving with the boys to go to therapy and she came up to the care. she told he that she was mad that he didn't return her calls and that she has alot of concerns. my husband told her he would not talk about it in front of the boys and she stormed off. she usually doesn't act like this. anyway my husband wrote her a email tonight and basically told her to be supportive of me and that it takes time. that she can't tell to just move on. i felt so sad b/c i can usually talk to her almost like she was my own mother. she hurt me really bad b/c she made me feel like a failure. like i should be better then i am. how can someone expect you to just move on, its still such a open wound for me. i have alot to deal with, her passing, and all the trouble with my siblings. i have done all the proper steps go to therapy, take some meds, come here and talk as much as i can. What does she want????? someone at work last week told me that they thought i was getting worse not better b/c i teared up a bit when talking about my mom. why do people behave like this? do they not feel? i wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. now i feel like i have lost another person to talk to when i need to. i don't have my siblings and now i will have to fake it with my mother in law. i am sorry that i am rambling but i amd hurt. thanks for listening.

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Lori, I am so sorry to hear what an awful experience you are going through right now. You have enough to deal with without added stress!! I know it's horrible what people can say and how they think you should be dealing with your grief. HA! They have no clue! It's sad to say that I went through a really rough time with my mom after Josh's death. Four weeks after Josh's death, I went though all of Josh's boxes from his apartment when he lived a mile from me. Everything was at his parent's house in another state. So I was in the airport leaving after going through Josh's life with me and I cried in the airport. My mom was with me and actually told me she was embarassed of me. So I have realized that I have to be fake happy around her too. And I thought she was the one who would help me through the grief process. I felt like I had to grieve the loss of my mom too. As for the person at work, they have NO CLUE! I had to learn to not talk about my grief with certain of my co-workers too. Man, grief is tough enough and then you have all these people making it harder! That's when I found this site. We understand how you feel. 5 weeks is so early! You can cry all you want, whenever you want! You can come here and rant all you want about all the stupid things people say to you. Sadly, we understand. On a positive note, I am so glad you have your husband being your advocate! Well, we're always here to listen. Kelly

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lorikelly,

You have a tresure in your husband, for him to take up for you like that is awesome. I applaud him. You are doing fine for 5 weeks into this, I don't care what anyone says. Either they haven't gone through this or they are so cold hearted they have shoved their feelings so deep inside they don't remember it. You are right, you have lost someone you can talk to, she has negativity that you don't need right now so unfortunately you will have to hide your feelings around her. It sounds like you have a wonderful and supportive husband, use him as much as you can and you always have us here. I was going through a really rough time tonight and posted what was going on and it didn't take but a few minutes before someone responded and it helped to bring me out of it. I thank God that I have found this site and I thank him for whoever thought of putting this together, it has been a life saver.

I pray for you and that things will get better and in time they will, now if I can only follow my own advice everything would be okay.

You have a good night and let God take care of the rest.

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lorikelly,

5 weeks is no time at all! I can't believe your mother-in-law! If she's so worried about her son, why doesn't she come over and make dinner and help clean the house and everything else that needs to be done that you are probably struggling to do right now? I would send you to bed, or a long bubble bath, or whatever you wanted to do or needed to do and try to help out with the daily chores. I find it so incredibly sad that people are so insensitive and cruel. You are doing fine. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And, yes, thank God for your hubby. Give him a big pat on the back from all of us!

Hang in there and just ignore her. Just do what you have to do for yourself right now.

A big hug to you,

Shell

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Lorikelly,

My prayers are with you and your family. If I was you I would totally not even think about your mother-inlaw at this time, she is not worth you getting upset over you have enough on your plate and she is selfish. I also agree with everybody here about only 5 weeks you have every right to be crying. I still am and so is everybody else jsut maybe bnot all at the same time hand in there and lean on your husband ( your Best Friend) he sounds like a great guy and for him to be sticking up for you to his mother WOW you to have it going on in life of being together.

I also had the problem at the work place and I had a person tell me that that was life and they were gone so move on and I will tell you this I barely talk to that person except about work. inconsiderate and selfish and a very cold heart I would go to say not even cold pure stone is more like it. I feel for you but we all must keep our heads high to survive. Sounds like you have a great man beside you so lean as hard as you need to and we are all here for you to lean this way also.

Thanks

Haley

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