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Missing Them So Much


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Well i thought i was having a couple of okay days, i only cried a couple of times and thought i was holding up ok. tonight i feel real sad, my 7 yr old told me i am doing good, he said you haven't cried in a couple of days mommy. i just miss my mom so much and i keep thinking i am going to forget her. i keep looking at the last picture of her with my son and i cry. i just wish i could talk to her one more time ( i know that this can't happen). i feel sad and sometimes i get afraid that if i don't think about her i will forget her. i just feel so alone and i look at her pray cards or her urn with her death date and can not believe it really says that, but i think if i don't look at it i won't accept that she is gone. sounds crazy doesn't it. i feel numb inside like i am not sure what to do next i feel like i am justing going through the steps and that i have to seem a little better to everyone or they will think something is wrong with me. i wish i could wake up and feel so much better, its scary waking up and not knowing how the day will be. i still can't play the radio in the car, i am not sure why but it bothers me. i wake up with such anxiety attacks that it makes me sick. i wake up to all those thoughts racing through my head. i pray that tomorrow will be a little better. thanks for always listening.

lori

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Hi Lorikelly,

I am very, very, sorry for your loss and I just wanted to say that is why we are here. We are here to help each other out with the everyday problems that may arise from our personal grief journies. I too are missing my mom and dad so very much that sometimes it hurts like I losing my heart or my heart is being pulled out of my chest... Do not worry about talking too much or venting when you need to because that is why the people are here... Take care of yourself and I will pray for you God Bless You Lorikelly ... Shelley

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lorikelly,

It has been so recent for you that what you are feeling is so normal. I felt the same way when I was at your stage, and I'm sure all the other posters would tell you they felt the same way. When you said "I feel numb inside, like I don't know what to do next" it really took me back to when I felt that. I know right now you think it will NEVER get better or you will NEVER feel differently, but really you will. Unfortunaltely, it just takes a certain amount of time. Just know that what you are feeling is totally normal.

A big hug,

shell

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Hi Lorikelly,

I just want to let you know that what you are feeling is normal because I too have gone through that stage and yes eventhough it feels like you will not get through it you do... I am presently at the stage of my mom being gone for sixteen months and in about two weeks it will be one year for my dad..

I will keep you in my prays and ask God to help you get through this sad time. Take care Shelley

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Well i thought i was having a couple of okay days, i only cried a couple of times and thought i was holding up ok. tonight i feel real sad, my 7 yr old told me i am doing good, he said you haven't cried in a couple of days mommy. i just miss my mom so much and i keep thinking i am going to forget her. i keep looking at the last picture of her with my son and i cry. i just wish i could talk to her one more time ( i know that this can't happen). i feel sad and sometimes i get afraid that if i don't think about her i will forget her. i just feel so alone and i look at her pray cards or her urn with her death date and can not believe it really says that, but i think if i don't look at it i won't accept that she is gone. sounds crazy doesn't it. i feel numb inside like i am not sure what to do next i feel like i am justing going through the steps and that i have to seem a little better to everyone or they will think something is wrong with me. i wish i could wake up and feel so much better, its scary waking up and not knowing how the day will be. i still can't play the radio in the car, i am not sure why but it bothers me. i wake up with such anxiety attacks that it makes me sick. i wake up to all those thoughts racing through my head. i pray that tomorrow will be a little better. thanks for always listening.

lori

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Hi, LoriKelly:

I'm new to this group, so I appreciate the opportunity to join you. My Dad passed away unexpectedly on June 18th (Father's Day). Some days I miss him so much I can hardly breathe. We talked on a daily basis about everything. The other day I went to pick up the phone to call him; then I remembered.....

I was just over at the CVS pharmacy next door to my apartment building to pick up a prescription a few minutes ago. I happened to walk down the aisle where shaving items, etc. were. I happened to glance over and see the Old Spice products. I started to cry right there in the middle of the store; my Dad used Old Spice. I'm told this is normal; one minute you think you're doing ok, then the next minute the tears come crashing back over you. It is very confusing....

I'm very glad to know there's someone who feels much as I do right now. Hopefully, it will comfort you likewise to know that you're not alone.

Wishing you hope, comfort, and peace,

Leann

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Hi Leann

Welcome to the Website Family, That we have here.. I am very sorry for your loss, and especially on a special day like Father's Day... I too lost my father it was last August and I miss him so very, very much and not only did I loss my dad last year but also my mom. She died in April of last year... I could not understand what was happening to me... All I knew was the two most important people in my world were gone and I did not know what was going to happen next... Take care and I hope you find some peace here with us... We care and are here for you Shelley

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Hi Leann

I am glad that you found this website, it helps me alot. i come here alot even if i don't post i just read how other people are feeling and it makes me feel a little better. this thing called grief is awful, i wish you could know when it is going to end. i wake each morning hoping and praying that today will be a little better. i cry everyday at least once ( my mom passed on 7/3/06), i try not to cry in front of my boys since i know that it upsets them. i usually do it in the car coming home from work or i hide in the bathroom. i think there alot of people who think i should be getting over it already. part of me wishes i could but i know that it will be long journey. i hope that you can find peace and comfort here.

Lori

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Hi, Shelly and Lori:

Thank you so much for your replies; I just logged on and read them. Evenings seem to be the worst time for me. My days and nights are all mixed up. When I can't sleep I get up and read or I journal. It is so nice to read your responses tonight....it's so nice to know someone doesn't think I'm losing my mind or that I should be starting to "get over it" by now.

My mother is still living and I know I'm driving her crazy. I call her about every evening just to hear her voice. I'm just so afraid of losing her now, too. And I know, in my head, that that day will come...but it doesn't help.

I was sitting out on my back step a few moments ago, crying to my Dad. I said to him, "I wish you were here so bad." Just as I said that, this one star suddenly started blinking brighter than all the others. It blinked three times this way. I'm pretty sure that was my Dad.

I'm looking forward to talking with you both some more.

Leann

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Leann,

Welcome. That is so wonderful about the star! I'm sure it was your dad too. I know how you feel about your mom. We lost my dad unexpectedly too in Feb. '05. I live with my mom and worry about her constantly. As Lori said, grief is a long journey. But we are all here to help each other through it. I'm so sorry for your loss. Things will get easier to deal with in time, really.

Hang in there.

Hugs,

Shell

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Hi Leann,

Thank you for your post and I do believe that it was your dad looking down at you.. I had a simular experience once I could not sleep and I all the sudden looked out of the door of my room and I saw my mom's old chair sitting there.. Well I could not sleep because I needed one of my mom's famous hugs and of course I could not get one because she is dead... So I went over to her chair and sat in it and after a brief few minutes I felt extremely warm all over and at peace... So I left the chair and went back to my bed and went right off to sleep... I do believe in my heart that it was a hug from my mom. Take care Leann and God Bless You Shelley

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Hi Leann,

Although I hate to welcome you to this site I'm glad you found it because there are so many wonderful people here who know what you're going through. I lost my Dad in March and we had the same sort of relationship that you had with yours - we'd talk daily about anything and everything. I had my phone programmed so a special ring would go off when he'd call and I start to cry just thinking that I'll never hear that and smile like I used to. And it's so hard to watch/read/see things that I knew Dad would have gotten a kick out of...whenever I do I have the urge to phone and when I realize that I can't I either break down or put my brain on "robotic" mode so I don't have to think. What's difficult is trying to act as though enough time has passed that you're over it (4 months?!!) since everyone seems to believe that moving on is on a set timetable. In most cases everyone who says that sort of thing hasn't lost a person who meant the world to them. I've gotten to the point where I can't talk about my grief to my friends because in their minds it's old news.

At any rate, I think I understand what you're going through and hope that this site is helpful. It has been for me whenever I feel like I'm going nuts - I post and feel better knowing that I'm not alone.

Take care,

Kathy

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Hi Kathy D,

I really like what you wrote in your post, It takes so many different people to make a world and it is so nice to find several who really, really, understand what you are truly going through. Kathy, You are a very nice and understanding person I know this by reading what you have posted. Take care and God Bless You Shelley

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Hi, Kathy,

I just logged on this evening (couldn't sleep) and saw your kind post. Isn't it so special...what we had with our Dads? :) He was just my best friend. You Dad sounds like he was pretty awesome, too.

Hugs,

Leann

Hi, Shelley...

What a neat post about you're Mom's chair. It no doubt was your Mom giving you a hug. I'm beginning to feel that our loved ones do communicate with us, not in a physical way anymore, but a spiritual way (if we're attuned to it). I always tell my Dad "love you Dad" every night before I go to sleep and I get that warm feeling, too.

Take care.

Leann

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Hi Leeann,

It is funny that you bought up that you say good night to your dad, I have been doing that to both my parents since the days that they have died and I thought it was weird that I did that... Take care Shelley

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Hi, everyone...

Here I am, awake and on a crying jag. I can't seem to stop crying this evening. And I have to be to work tomorrow (I'm a teacher and have been off for the summer). I have to face a classroom full of children and for the first time in my teaching career, I don't feel in charge. :blink: I just finished writing a letter to my Dad in my journal; when I do that, I feel as though I'm talking to him. In some ways, that helps.....and in some ways, it's too painful. I'm such a mess.

Leann

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Hi Leeann,

I am so very sorry that you are having such a hard time right now, I wish that I could be there in person for you but since I can not I am sending you this big hug and letting you know that I am pulling for you as you start your teaching job.. I am a daycare teacher so I know how children are and when you do not feel in control it is difficult to act as if you are... I will pray for you and keep you in my thoughts Shelley

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