I Miss Her So Much!

[wizpup]

We had to put our 13 year old dog Wizpup to sleep yesterday, and I wish I could bring her back. She had really bad arthritis, and we had to carry her up the steps this last week. However, the clincher was that she bit my 21 month old daughter because Jenna didn't know better than to leave her alone. She didn't break the skin but the vet said she was a ticking time bomb, so we did what I hope was what we had to do. I keep thinking that if I could have just kept Jenna away from her more, or if I would have taken the time to walk her more, her hips wouldn't have hurt so badly and she would still be here.

Wizpup saw me through a divorce, infertility and death, but never once let me down, and now I feel as if I let her down. I have another dog that is wandering around aimlessly, and a husband that is trying to be the strongest for all of us, but is heartbroken.

Here are some questions I would like to ask:

How do we know that she does not hurt anymore? What if where she is kept her in just as much pain as she was here?

WHAT IF THERE IS NO RAINBOW BRIDGE AND I HAVE LEFT MY BABY ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!! What if she is scared, and hungry and her sight didn't come back? What if the other dogs she has met in the past don't remember her and she is lonely? I almost wish she went straight to heaven so she could be with my Dad.

I want to so mch believe that she is in a better place, and I am sure as the days go on I will.

For now, I am just going to keep her in my heart forever.

Thanks for listening, Tami

[MartyT]

Dear Tami,

I'm so sorry to learn of the death of your beloved Wizpup on Wednesday. Since she was with you for 13 years and saw you through so many significant life changes, I can only imagine how difficult and painful it must have been for you to make the agonizing decision to have her euthanized, and how empty and lonely your life and your home must seem now without her presence in it.

Having decided with your vet that you had no other alternative, you will need to come to terms with these facts: Even though you loved your Wizpup with all your heart, once she displayed aggressive behavior toward your 21-month old daughter, you could no longer trust that she wouldn't bite or harm Jenna (or someone else’s little girl) the next time. Since Wizpup was an older dog suffering from debilitating arthritis, it’s unlikely that she would get any better or that you could train away her aggressive behavior, and your daughter is too young to know (or to learn) how to be careful with an older, arthritic animal. As a responsible person you decided that you had no other choice but to end your dog's life, and it seems to me that you did the best you could under the circumstances.

Even though you had to let Wizpup go, that does not diminish the love you had for her or the strength of the bond between you. The grief you are feeling now is a normal reaction to losing someone you loved so very much, and is compounded by the guilt you feel over the circumstances of her death. If you haven't already done so, I hope you will visit and explore my Grief Healing Web site, at http://www.griefhealing.com . Go to my Articles and Books page, scroll down until you see “Articles by Marty Related to Pet Loss,” click on the down arrow, and select the articles entitled “Why Does Pet Loss Hurt So Much” and “Loss and the Burden of Guilt.”

You’re also struggling with a number of spiritual questions, many of which I’ve addressed in another article, “Do Pets Go to Heaven?” which you will find at http://www.selfhealingexpressions.com/dogs...ts_heaven.shtml

I'm so very sorry that you were faced with such a terrible decision, Tami, but I hope you don't try to struggle through this grief journey all alone. I can assure you that what you are feeling is absolutely normal, even though you may feel at times that you are crazy or losing your mind. The depth of our grief is determined by the strength of our attachment to the ones who have died, and the pain we feel at losing them is the price we pay for loving them so much.

I hope this information proves helpful to you, Tami. In the meantime, please know that you and your Wizpup are in our thoughts, and when you feel ready to do so, I hope you'll let us know how you are doing.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

[LittleGirl'sMommy]

Hi Tami, How are you doing?? I just came across your post.

Please try not to blame yourself for anything! I really don't believe that any extra walking would have made Wizpup's arthritis better. From what I've heard of arthritis, it's more of an age-related and sometimes hereditary thing. Exercise helps certain conditions, but I don't think that's one of them. You didn't let her down at all. It's just that you loved/love her SO much that you wish you had been able to work miracles.

I firmly believe that Wizpup is in a realm where there's no sense of time OR space. So, she's not aware of missing you. I believe she's in a state of pure bliss, and experiencing more love than she's ever known. While we live in our physical bodies, I believe we don't have the capacity to experience the ultimate love. We'll know when it's our time, and Wizpup already knows.

Have you heard of stories of those who've died and come back? Some were blind while their souls were still housed in their bodies, but as soon as they transcended their bodies, they could "see" (in the spiritual realm we don't need physical eyes to do this), and all they felt was love and bliss. I really have no doubts that your Wizpup is fine and that you will be reunited. I think that in her spiritual sense of "time" it will be the time passage of something like a blink of an eye and you'll be joining her.

Please keep in touch! You are in my thoughts.

Love,

Little Girl's Mommy, Kathy