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Life And Death

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  • 1 year later...
Life feels like Death to me, when death takes the life of loved ones. I feel better now just to write it down.

I just had a conversation with my father who is constantly talking suicide. He even gave me a date of his death - July 12th, the birthday of my mom.

It is his revenge to everyone - mostly to mom who left because of his drinking and adultery. What am I supposed to tell him? My heart breaks, especially because I am here in States, and my father is far away overseas. So I would not be able to even attend his funeral, as horrible as it sounds.

Can anyone give me an advise of how I can cope?


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Dear Friend,

It seems to me that your father is sending some very clear signals that should not be ignored (see Suicide Warning Signs). When we see someone exhibiting such signs, it’s important to take them seriously, and to do whatever we can to help. People who commit suicide usually talk about it first. They are in pain and oftentimes reach out for help in this way because they’ve lost hope and don’t know what else to do.

I understand that your father is half a world away, but I want to point you to some resources that may enlighten you and give you some ideas of what you might be able to do from here. Begin by visiting Prevent Suicide Now. Reading Kevin Caruso’s opening statement on the home page of his Web site will help you figure out what to say to your father and how to offer him the help that he so desperately needs.

I don’t know what country your father is in, but Kevin’s site contains a list of International Suicide / Crisis Hotlines. If your father doesn’t have access to the Internet, you can give him his country’s appropriate hotline number over the phone, and encourage him to use it. You can also print out whatever articles you find and send them via land mail to your father. (See Suicide Articles and those additional resources I’ve listed on my own Grief Healing Web site, at Suicide Loss. Perhaps where your father lives there is a relative, friend or neighbor nearby, whom you could call upon to act on your behalf to help your father.

Your father has not yet acted on his thoughts of suicide, and there is still time to help him. Help for your father is “out there” just waiting for you to find it, and I hope that you will think of this as helping yourself as much as it will be helping your father. As Kevin Caruso says, if your dad decides to end his pain by ending his life, he will start a world of pain for you and the other loved ones he leaves behind.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

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Dear Marty,

Thank you for your encouragement, however, there are a couple of circumstances that I have no control over.

First, the country is Lithuania and suicide prevention is not developed so well yet. Second, my father is an alcoholic - not wishing to be treated or get some sort of help.

Considering those two circumstances, there is really not much I can do. I dont have anyone to ask to look over him - he has a couple of family members, but they are not in close proximity to him.

The saddest thing is that he does not want to be treated - in fact, during our last conversation, he told me he did not need any help. He said all he wanted was my mom. She left because of his excessive drinking and unwillingness to get help.

Thank you for your reply anyway,

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