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This Is The First Time I Have Ever Written And I Am Scared Doing It


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Jamie,

As you have mentioned, this is one of the places in which you have felt comfortable enough to let your feelings flow and share your grief with us, we are all here for one reason in common, and we all try to help each other as better as we are able to, and luckily it has helped. Please, as a friend advise, if you feel the need to come and post, please do so. Your sons deal their grief their own way, which is normal and acceptable, and so you have to grief your own way. I hope they can understand that and give you the freedom to have the privacy you need to express yourself.

As MartyT mentioned, they must be scared perhaps of realizing how deep the wound is, and they react as they think is correct. We often do not find the right words or the support needed around us because we know that what we feel can be misunderstood and worry others, but the fact is that grieving is long, rough journey and there's no better support than of those who realy know what we are feeling. Jamie, here we all know and understand what you are going through and we don't want you to walk alone through it. I really hope you may keep on coming here as you have been doing.

Whatever helps you tomorrow that may be meaninful to you to remember Herman is perfect. There's no reason why you have to feel you are doing something wrong or "that's not the right way" to mourn. Grieving is very personal, and so anything that your heart tells you to do to remember Herman will be just fine, don't judge yourself or take too seriously how others expect you to behave. I'm sure we will all remember that tomorrow is Herman's first anniversary and we will keep him in our prayers.

Take care, tons of hugs,

Gaby

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It has been a very long time since I have posted, November 12th was the last time, the day before the one year mark that I lost the love of my life Herman, then came the 15th of November, Herman's birthday, then the 17th of December, our 23rd Wedding anniversary, then Christmas, then the new year. And I am struggling so very much. So much has happened with our sons, the oldest has moved out with his finacee and our granddaughter, the youngest has an ulcer now and I have fallen apart, although this mask I wear would not let anyone know that.

I thank you Marty and Gabrielle and all that responded to me. I have been so robotic that I have not posted, I am trying very hard but it seems that my doctor/therapist was right...it is so much harder now. I miss Herman so much and I am so tired of people telling me that I should do this and that. I have this to look forward to and that and this and I know all that, but why, why can no one understand the agony of loosing Herman. It doesn't go away just becuase he has been in heaven for more than a year. I am so tired of people that have no clue telling me that it will get easier with time.

I know I have my sons and my daugher in law and our beautiful granddaughter, why else do they think I am still here. But it does not make the hurt go away, it does not make me stop wanting Herman to come home. I know what they say, I don't think I am stupid, why though does everyone either tell me to buck up or not talk about Herman or just not bother to call at all...not even some family and friends that we thought were true friends.

I know I am rambling and I do not care who reads what I write anymore, I have no energy left to pretend I am doing just fine when I am not. My life is empty without Herman and it always will be.

I have missed you all, I have thought of you all and I so wish I could hug you all for being there for me without judgement.

I guess I am done rambling and making spelling mistakes now and I want you to know that I have you all in my heart always, even if I am not posting.

Much Love,

Jamie

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Jamie

I am so glad you came back. we are all here for you. you don't have to wear your mask here. we all understand. i remenber one night crying in bed and my 8yr old son said mommy you can cry you don't have to wear your mask at home. i remenber thinking wow my son can understand but others can't. i don't know what it is to lose my spouse, i lost my mom in july. i can though understand the pain and how people do not understand. i will be praying for you pls continue to come back, we are all here for you. May God Bless you . Lori

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Jamie,

I am so sorry for the pain you are going through right now. The thing I like most about this site is that everyone can be honest. Nobody has to pretend. I lost my Mom in July so I haven't been coming here as long as you. All of my new friends here have been my life line. My husband is even asking how is everyone here doing.

I know it's hard to handle changes right now with your family. But I know together you guys are going to make it. My girls have also been my strength. Together and with God's help we'll all make it through this.

Missing my Mom,

Trudy

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Jamie,

I understand all too well the feelings you are having. I know there are a lot of times that I just feel so low and don't even want to come here and read let alone post. It is just things that we have to go through. Hang in there and remember we are all here to lend you a hand when you need it.

God Bless

Derek

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Jamie,

We're glad you're back. I like what lorikelly's son said, that was really special. That's what I like about this site, we can be ourselves and feel however we feel without judgment. I've tried other sites, but this one far surpasses them all. You are all very special people.

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I am new too.

I lost my mom Dec.7th. I helped my dad take care of her for 2 years.There were days I asked God to take her, to make her suffering end. Now, I wish I could hear her voice, one more time. Even towards the end , we always talked before I went to bed, and called eachother first thing in the morning.The other day I called my parents house so I could hear her voice on the answering machine. My dad has already erased it.I have to be strong and hold it all together because on Dec.13 my dad went into the hospital.

He is very ill and I believe has no desire to go on. They moved him to a different building today and I had to walk into the same building, same floor that my mom was in , when she died. I saw the same nurses, therapists etc.So, here I am sitting in hospital room watching my parent stuggle to live.

The night my mom died I came home to find my dog very sick, I took him to the vet and a few hours later I sat on the floor with him while the vet put him to sleep. He was my mom's favorite dog and he loved her. I would often take him to visit her when she was sick. Maybe my mom just needed a buddy to go with her. I miss them both so much. I feel like I haven't even had a minute to catch my breath and grieve my mom...and now I taking care of my dad. My husband has been so great and so helpful. I know he is trying to support me, give my strength, but why does itmake me want to scream when he tells me "we will get thru this, million of people get thru this everyday" I know he means well. Thank you for listening.

Thanks for listening.

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AnnieO, Its so good that you have come to this site full of caring and supportive people. We've all been going thru grief in one form or the other and your certainly have had you share recently. I'm so sorry about your mother and now your father is ill. It must be very hard on you. Try to take some time for yourself if you can. This is all very stressful and I'm glad your husband is trying to help. Just share your feelings here and we will listen. Debbie

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Hi Annie,

I'm glad you found the courage to make the first post. I am so sorry for what your feeling right now. I can read the pain in your writing. Your pain is so raw now. All the first are going to be very hard. I remember going back to the hospital to take a test for the first time. As I was leaving, one of the nurses said, "Have a nice weekend." I realized it was Friday. That was the day we took my Mom home from the hosp. to die. She passed 2 days later. I know it's hard. Sometimes you need your husband to be there for you. Sometimes you want time alone. We don't want to be like millions of people. We want to be just like us. Your not alone, Annie. Keep coming back.

Missing my Mom,

Trudy

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Ann, I am sorry for your loss. You have found a very caring site. We've all suffered loss and are here to help each other through it. Sometimes it helps to get it out, and we're here to listen and encourage you, however we can.

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