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My Mom Is Dead


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My mom passed away on 2 Feb 2004, I feel so lost without her. She was young, only 50. Today is the one month anniversary of her death. There are so many things that I need to say, she passed so unexpectedly. After her funeral I looked for goodbye messages from her and I couldn't find any. A couple of months before her death I had a huge argument with my mom about her smoking and not taking care of herself. I said alot of hurtful things because I was scared of losing her. I have so much guilt because my husband's job relocates frequently, if only I had been there more for her. She gave me so much grief about living so far away. Now I'm left with a lot of anger and frustration. My father wasn't prepared at all, my brother and I had to pay for her funeral with our credit cards. A couple months before her death she told everyone that I was mean to her. After the funeral, some of our family has acted distant like we didn't have the right to be at my mom's funeral. The truth is I would've given anything for my mom to be happy and to live a healthy life. I keep waiting for a sign from her, but nothing happens. I would give anything just to spend one more day with her, to tell her that I was sorry for the hurtful things I said. At times I feel relieved because I think about all the health problems that my mom had. My work is such that I need to leave the office to go on errands, sometimes I just hide in the car and cry. I don't know what else to do, everyone around me has been supportive. I just feel utterly and totally lost without her..To top things off my mom had been seeing this quack pain relief doctor who was supposed to numb the nerves in her back. He must have paralyzed the nerves in her back that led to her bladder because after that she began to lose control of her body. She was shuffling for short distances and dragging her leg behind her. I feel so angry that a doctor could do this to someone without any consequences. My mother tried to get a copy of her record from him, his reply was that it would cost her $1 a page for the copies. There was no way my mom could afford the $200.00 or more it would cost to copy her records, so she didn't get them. I feel like I should look into suiing the doctor because my mom had to get a bladder implant after he affected her ability to control her body. She often felt a lot of shame about that and would not leave her house. I wish I had been able to do more for her.

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  • 1 month later...

My sympathies....

I think we all go through that "would of, could of should of" phase. I know I did, and still do to some extent.

I would like to tell you about my encounter with my departed father.

As so many of us do that lose a loved one we wish for that one more time, beg God for a sign, as you mentioned in your post.

It was 6 years after my Father passed away, my 6 year old son(at the time) was outside in the yard playing, my husband and I were smiling and laughing at his excitement.

I was not thinking of my Father, or how much I missed him at that particular moment.

I was rejoicing in the love that I had with my son and husband.

Just then as clear as a bell I heard my Father's voice.....

he said "Danielle I Love You" and I felt a hand on my back, but noone was standing next to me.

I welled up with tears, and ran into the house crying......

I was not crying because of saddness or loss, but of a renewed faith.

I begged God so many times to allow me to have the experience and I was so grateful that He did.

Had that event happened for me any earlier than when it did, I do not know that I would of been so

moved by it.

It was a gift, and I treasure it.

Heal in the best way you know how, continue with your life knowing that your Mother would want to see you happy, and I am sure that your gift will come to you when you least expect it.

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It was 6 years after my Father passed away, my 6 year old son(at the time) was outside in the yard playing, my husband and I were smiling and laughing at his excitement.

I was not thinking of my Father, or how much I missed him at that particular moment.

I was rejoicing in the love that I had with my son and husband.

Just then as clear as a bell I heard my Father's voice.....

he said "Danielle I Love You" and I felt a hand on my back, but noone was standing next to me.

I welled up with tears, and ran into the house crying......

I was not crying because of saddness or loss, but of a renewed faith.

I begged God so many times to allow me to have the experience and I was so grateful that He did.

Had that event happened for me any earlier than when it did, I do not know that I would of been so

moved by it.

Thanks for posting that. My mom died in January 2004 from ovarian cancer and I'm feeling pretty lost. I've been doing a lot of research into contact from the deceased and it can happen apparently, although it can take years. It seems to be that the deceased will appear to us when they think we are ready.

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Thanks for your replies. About 3 weeks after I posted this I had a dream about my mom. I dreamed I was sitting at a table eating lunch and talking to my friends. There was one empty seat at the table, and as my friend was talking, I imagined that I could see a vision of my mom in the empty chair. As she was sitting there, I told her how sorry I was for the argument we had while she was visiting me a few months before she died. I wish I'd written down the dream because I don't remember much else, except that I was able to apologize and tell her that I loved her. I did get some guilt relief from this dream. I do believe that my mom's spirit is around me especially when I think about her. I've had lots of good things happen to me and I can't help but think that she's looking out for me. I don't know I guess this might sound a little crazy, but it's how I feel. I will always continue to look for her spirit or influence in my life. It's really strange because I have never been a very spiritual person up until after her death.

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