9th Week

[sufferindon]

hello and thanks giving the time and space to write.

Well this starts week 9. And I am still here and working through my grief. I still can't thank Hospice Of the valley enough. They have ben a total God Send.

Yesterday I was dusting off the computer desk and came across 2 books I had bought when my wife was in the hospital at St. Joes. I was out walking one day down town phoenix and came across this little christian book store. I went in and found 2 books on dealing with grief and loss. my wife was still a live at this point And I am not sure if death was even in the picture yet.

All I know at this point in my grieving is that God had numbed me from the day she passed away untill just a few days ago.

Any how I picked up this book called "Good Grief" it talks about the different stages of grief that people go through. And low and behold I realized I am normal. The feelings and emotions I have been going through are completly normal. Sheeew what a relief.

I start my new job this week and can't wait to ge back into the swing of things. I have not worked since the 28th of December 2003. It has been by the grace of God that I have survived financially. my wife was to ill to get any type of life insurance and I used all my 401 K on medical bills. So now I am really starting over. The funny thing is that I am not even concerned about any thing now as far as my finances go.

I feel as though I have had a real break through on my healing process. I know longer have the vision of seeing my wife laying dead on the hopital bed in our living room. Now I have the memories of our wedding and the memories we created together. A few weeks ago I took my father -in-laws advice and sold all the things we had bought to gether. bed room set and dining room set. along with other things I felt I did not need any more like her electric wheel chair. Now I feel as though I can start living again. I still have her ashes sitting on my counter in the dining room. not sure what I am going to do with them yet. We never discused that. Just that she wanted to be creamated.

but the time will come and I will know what to with them. She was confined to a wheel chair the last 6 years of her life, so perhaps I will hike somewhere in the mountains and spread them there. i'll ask her son to go with me. That might be a good idea. Thanks for reading and please feel to respond. I always appreciate what others have to say and offer words of encouragement. Good bye for now Don