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Is This Normal?


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It's coming up to the year anniversary of my grandads death and I feel like I'm falling apart all over again. When he died I cried and cried at the funeral but not much at other times, I don't think I really let it out. I thought and thought about him and his death all the time but also thought that I was ok with it and happy as he's no longer in pain. I think I thought wrong. I think I've bottled it all up and now I don't know what to do. It feels like all my feelings are in a bottle of fizzy pop and now it's being shaken up ready to explode.

For about four months after his death, besides kidding myself that I was ok with it I didn't really feel much. Not that i remember anyway. Then I started binge drinking at weekends and it all started coming out, all the tears would flow so freely after a drinking session. I've tried to stop the drinking, tried hard but not hard enough because i'm slipping and i really don't like this. I don't like what I'm doing to myself and I didn't know why I did it at first but I feel the two must be connected. I used to be so sensible with drink.

Now the year anniversary of his death is coming up and I feel like I'm falling to pieces again. I feel like drowning it all out with drink but I know that will not help me at all. I need to face this and deal with it and move on but I'm finding it so hard. I felt so angry today, I'm not sure what at but it affected my work badly as I was unable to think or act properly for most of the day. I spent a good 20minutes in the ladies toilets just crying. I needed to cry and couldn't hold it back. But i feel so odd crying now. I feel like I should have done that already as it's been almost a year now. I feel silly and odd for wanting to cry now, I think I'm finding it hard to realise that it's happening to me now as it didn't back then.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this now. I just need to talk about it and need advice on whether this is normal or if i'm going completely off the rails.

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  • 2 months later...
It's coming up to the year anniversary of my grandads death and I feel like I'm falling apart all over again. When he died I cried and cried at the funeral but not much at other times, I don't think I really let it out. I thought and thought about him and his death all the time but also thought that I was ok with it and happy as he's no longer in pain. I think I thought wrong. I think I've bottled it all up and now I don't know what to do. It feels like all my feelings are in a bottle of fizzy pop and now it's being shaken up ready to explode.

I know exactly where you are coming from .. although I havent turned to drink .. but guess I have worked and lived as a normal person .. keeping all the feelings etc hidden away from everyone else ..

and yes its nearly 12 months for me too so guessing this might be a stage that one has to go through .. or soemthing.. butt feeling like everything is welling up inside all of a sudden more powerful than it was earlier in the piece..

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm not sure if this is the place for this

but ..

do any of you or have any of you found yourself making decisions on things that you just felt were never going to be your choice ..

I guess acting irrationally and going with the flow

I find myself thinking how Dan would act or what he would want .. and right now is what would make him happy is what i am going with almost acting like a teen again ..

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