My Mom's Furniture And Such

[LoriS.]

I am wondering if any of you have gone through this. My mom always wanted me to have certain things of hers and I always wanted to have them. Especially this old antique desk and antique crystal hurricane lamps or candle holders. Now that these things are in my house in plain view, I almost feel detatched from them. These things were in the house I grew up in and when I moved away, everytime I would come home for a visit, I would always look at these things like it was the first time ever laying eyes on them as they were so beautiful. I love old antique looking furniture and crystal vases, so I can't quite put my finger on why I feel so detached from them. All of the other things...pictures and such that I have are upstairs in one of my kids old rooms that I don't have to look at them. I thought of putting the crystal hurricane lamps away, but they really are beautiful and I know my mom would want me to enjoy them as I always had in the past. The antique desk is in a perfect spot in my living room, but it doesn't thrill me either!

Any thoughts? I'm sure that the answer lies in my subconscious about my moms death and how these things are a reminder, but I really want to enjoy these things as she loved them so much, too.

Lori

[shell]

Lori,

I'm sure you're right. It's a reminder that your mom is no longer there. You can't share the joy these items brought both of you. Just remember how much your mom wanted you to have these items and that it's ok to enjoy them without her, so to speak. I haven't gone through this, but I can imagine what you are feeling.

Hugs,

Shell

[Paul S]

Lori:

Give it time. You may be feeling detached because they are no longer in your Mom's house and she isn't there among them.

Cherish the fact that you have them. Don't do anything rash like getting rid of them, as that you may later regret.

In time, you will grow accustomed to seeing them in their new environment, and the feelings of detachment may recede.

I know what you are feeling. I have a lot of my Mom's stuff, and in my tiny apartment, they just don't look right. They are not in the same familiar surroundings that I am used to seeing them in. There is not the same feeling. They seem out of place.

As you continue in your griefwork, there may be more of a synchronization between your past regard for them and how they appear now. In other words, eventually they will seem to fit in where they are.

Paul

[LoriS.]

Thanks Shell and Paul for you responses. It's now clearer to me why I'm feeling what I'm feeling and I feel a lot better about it! Thanks for your help!

Lori

[lorikelly]

Lori

I feel the same way about my moms things. i am not sure if they bring me happiness or make me sadder. i have her pictures everywhere and i realized that i really don't look at them b/c it makes me sad. i look at them when i can. i am happy though that i have her things and hope later on i will be able to look at them and remenber the good things. hope this helps lori

[AnnC]

When my ex-husband died, we had been divorced for 20 years. Over time, and many moves, I had sold a lot of what we had owned together. I went to his funeral, and then visited his friends again later. There was a portrait of his grandmother that didn't sell in the estate sale. They begged me to take it off their hands, since they had no reason to keep it, but felt bad getting rid of it (he had no family left when he died.) I was glad to take it and have something of him.

But when I got it home, I felt weird. I left it in the box for months. Finally, I hung it up on the wall. Sometimes I would come home and it felt like he lived there too, because of the painting. But most of the time, it felt wrong, because the fact that I had it meant he was gone. I would not have it if he were still alive.

Now it's almost three years, and I am glad I have it. But it took me a long time to get used to having it.

Ann