Lucie

[Iowa]

Saturday, April 24th Lucie, my 13 month old Minature Pinscher was killed by

a hit and run driver. They never stopped, or came to our door, nothing.

I wasn't home when it happened, if I was home she would still be alive.

My hus. let her outside and didn't put her on her tie out, knowing that

she chased cars. We live in the country but it is still not safe to let a pet

run loose. I have never felt so much anger towards my hus. as I do now.

We haven't spoken a word to each since then. The only thing he said was

"you should have tied her up before you left". I buried her and cried all

alone. Lucie was my sunshine, my baby. She was full of life and loved to tease and play with the other dogs. She slept on my shoulder and would always cuddle with me. Now nothing, it's all gone.

[Frannie&Petey]

I am no expert so hopefully Marty will chime in. My husband and I have a really specical relationship. We our sole mates and best friends ... except when it comes to sick kids! I just don't get it, you would think that two people who love each other would be leaning on each other, however my experience has been pretty much the opposite. Steve has a hard time making the decision of when to let go, not that it's easy for me, I just feel he sometimes lets the kid suffer too long. When we were deciding whether or not to put Petey through Chemo, it wasn't a lot of fun. There was much discussion and disagreements.

Anyway, I guess what I am thinking in your case is that maybe your husband said what he did because he feels horrible about what happens and it's his way of dealing with his pain. We always seem to want to blame someone or something else. However, accidents do happen. We just don't have control over everything. I blamed myself, the Oncologist, and anyone I could. Anger is a normal part of greiving. Please try to talk with him or think about a 3rd party (friends, family, counselor) to help out. I just can't imagine the pain you are feeling over the death of your beloved and "loss" aroound your relationship with your husband.

I wish I could snap my fingers and make it better for you as I am sure we all do. Please know that someone in AZ is sending you healing and peaceful thoughts.

Hugs, many of them,

Frannie

[Iowa]

Frannie, thank you for replying. I will talk to my hus., but I can't right now.

My emotions are still to raw. And to make matters worse he lied to me about what time Lucie got killed. He let her outside just minutes after I left.

And was killed shortly after that. But when it comes to my furbabies he ignores everything I try to tell him or what the vet says. Examples: Don't feed the dogs chicken bones or chocolate, he does. Don't feed Spike {MinPin} people food, he gets sick and it's a trip to the vet. He does. Don't grain the horses anymore, one is over weight and the other horse foundered last spring. He buys more grain and doesn't tell me. This goes on and on. Our calf died last year because hus. let a friend bring out bushes to burn out in the pasture. The bushes were Japanese Yew, very deadly to animals and humans if digested. I asked him over and over again not to let anyone bring bushes, junk, etc. out here, because there was a danger to my animals, plus the fact that he wouldn't put the horses and calf in the small pasture to keep them away from the fire. These "accidents" could have been avoided.

Last Feb. we had a nine year old English Mastiff that was dying from heart

failure. It was me that had to take him to vet, alone, to have Gill-T put to sleep. He was cremated and buried out back with my other kids.

Three years ago we had a yearly colt that got hurt and went down in his stall and couldn't get back on his feet. It was me again that had to call the vet to put Blaze to sleep. Four years ago, within that same year, I had to call the vet out to put to sleep our Rottie and Dobbie. They both had a fast acting cancer. My husband wanted no part on these decessions, it was left up to me. Getting patted on the back and told "it's to late now" or "you can't do anything about it now" I can get from a stranger. I'm sorry if I sound cold and hard towards my husband. But I'm fed up with his lack of caring and taking no responsibility for his actions when it involves a living

creature that is is in care, at the time, that depends and relies on him to keep them safe and out of harms way. I will never forgive myself for Lucie's

death, I should have had her on her tie out before I left. Hopefully as the months pass I won't be so bitter. Even typing this all down helps.

Thank you for your understanding and caring.