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I Feel Alone In The Dark Most Of The Time

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Hello. I just joined this site this afternoon because I'm lost. In the last two years, my husband died suddenly with no warning; my mother died an expected death and three weeks ago, my little dog who "had my back" after the other two losses, became very ill and died in a couple of days. I have great friends but none of them live where I do - they all live in places I used to live. My husband and I married at 39 (first marriage for both) and we have no children. My only sibling died suddenly 10 years ago - he was divorced and with no children.

I'm dealing with two big questions now. First, how can I love again when everyone I love dies? Second, how does one create new ways to function in society? I'm not looking for a partner, just people with whom to interact as a civilized person. I am retired now and spend most of my time by myself. Sometimes I just need human contact.

Reading this, it sounds like I'm a complainer - that I should be thankful for what I have and I do realize that my situation could be a lot worse. Right now, I would like to feel better about being a part of the human race.

Does that make sense to anyone?

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Dear Daisy,

I am so very sorry about your many losses that you have had to deal with. Just know that you have come to the right place for getting your feelings out. And you are not a complainer!

Keep on posting and we'll help you try to figure things out!

Take care...Lori

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You have a found a great place to come and you will find alot of new friends here. I only wish we all lived close to each other so we could get together in person.

I lost my mom 8 mos ago and my wonderful dog spanky 10 weeks later. it was and is still awful. not a day goes by that i don't think of them. i stil wonder why but death is a part of life and i have to learn to make the best of it. i just try to get through each day and i believe that i will see my mom one day again. i have a wonderful husband and two little boys so that does help. but i can honestly say there are times when i still feel so alone. i pray alot that is what has helped me alot.

keep coming back we are all here for you and understand. lori

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  • 1 month later...

Hi DaisyB

I understand exactly how you are feeling. Right now I don't even feel that I am a part of the human race. I lost my husband of 35 years (tho we were together for 40) 10 months ago to lung cancer and my mom just 10 months before that also to cancer. I didn't have the chance to grieve for mom as I had to be there for Rick. I still have my dad and two sisters and my mother in law does try hard, but she is missing Rick as well. Last night she accused us of keeping them in the dark about how sick Rick really was - we didn't of course, he was not expected to die when he did, and that I should have put him in the hospital and maybe he wouldn't have died so soon. He wanted no part of the hospital and was still driving the truck and the boat and we were spending time at our cabin on the lake until the day before he died. (at home). We have 2 kids, both are grown and on their own (one 31 and one 27) so I spend a lot of time by myself also, with my dog as my best friend. I may as well be "retired" as I have only worked 2 months in the past 2 years - between my mom's death and Rick's diagnosis, and really have no desire to return to work. My family is after me to so I won't spend so much time alone, but I just don't feel ready. One thing I have decided to do each day is something big or little to make someone else happy or at least smile - I made this decision last week and have managed to stick to it - although today it just made my dog happy to go for a run in the park and get his feet wet in the lake. I miss the daily contact with Rick, someone to talk over the day's happenings, watch silly tv shows (American Idol) with , someone to eat with, etc. Our "couples" friends - some have disappeared - the others I still find it hard to be with, because they are couples and have each other, and I am trying to meet new single people but it is hard. I am not looking for a partner either, just people to do stuff with. It is nice to find this site and to make friends with others here, because no matter the loss, spouse, parent, sibling, pet they have all felt the same as we do. I'll be thinking of you, Jane

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I'm new at this. My husband has been gone for a little over a year and a half. My heart just so much goes out to you. Your letter here is so full of pain and I'm so sorry. I just really have a lump in my throat for you. I feel so many of those things...family...friends...so alone without your husband...I just hope you can pull your way through day by day. My heart is with you.


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