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The Touch


Haley

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Hi ALL

I have a few questions that I was wondering if I am the only one that feels this way. To begin with my MOM left me April 9, 2006 and her birthday is April 11. So WHAM huh well I am try to cope but as we all know its hard and not a bit easy but here is my first question.

1. Am I crazy to still feel selfish even this amount of time I can not acept that she is in a better place cause she is not here with me.

2. What about the voice I try so hard to talk to her but nothing in return no sign no nothing am I looking to hard or just not to that part in my life yet.

3. I am still feeling that she needs to be here even if she was hooked up to machines and not breathing on her own at least I could touch her and talk to her and feel her and look at her and just be with her. Is thatmean that Ithink like that or is that normal I just want ot feel her talk to her Ido not feel if she was here that I would need her to talk back but jsut to feel her talk to her let her no that I love her and that I need her her with me, Iam not done growing and needing her. I hear people tell me that I can talk to her and have he proud of me but its not the same, I tell people that I want ot be kept alive no matter what so that I can be felt touch and talked to even if I can not talk back it does not matter.

4. Why will I not talk to anybody over this I claim up and stop speaking and will have nothing to do with that person if they start.

5. Finally is anybosy eklse have family members that are so rude and kick you when you are down about loosing somebody. My sister who is younger than me compares every one that is in her life now to my MOM like he5r low life looser boyfriends mom and just htings like that its nuts I am ready to go off on her and let her have it I am redy to tell her that no body is like MOM not now not ever.

Well thanks for taking the time and reading this some times it helps to just write and get it off our chests huh.

Thanks

Haley

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Haley i feel so much like you and my mom left me in july 06. i would take her anyway she was just to have her back. i wish i had words to make you feel better. my moms birthday is this friday april 6th. be patient with yourself it takes a very long time. lori

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Hi Haley,

It's so hard losing someone you love dearly and the feelings and desires we have after the loss, I believe, are basically normal.

My husband died August 24 and I miss him so much. For a while it didn't feel like life was worth living and I wanted him to come back and tell me he was ok, or talk to me or SOMETHING...I've had dreams of him, but nothing spectacular, like I'd like.

Part of my comfort is knowing he is in heaven having a *wonderful* time, in a healthy, energetic body, smiling and laughing and doing whatever it is God wants him to do. That's so much better than how he felt during his last year here on earth.

He'll always be part of my life - I'll always love and appreciate him - he'll never completely go away, 'cuz he'll never go away from my mind and heart.

As time passes, it does get easier - and I swear there were times when I could not believe that. It's been 7 months now, and it does get easier - less incredibly painful, and more hopeful.

God bless and comfort you - and keep coming back to this site - it's so loving and warm and healing!

Benita

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Benita - I feel the same way. My comfort is knowing that my husband is not in any pain, can breathe fine and is in a "better place". Next month, on the 16th, it will be 2 1/2 years for me. I still miss him and love him so much that sometimes it hurts, but you're right, it has gotten easier. It's become the "norm" now to not have him at home - I'm trying to find my own way in this life. Charlie is still such a huge part of me, but he wanted me to go on and finish living out my life as happily as I can. I take salvation in the fact that I have my daughter and 3 grandkids that I love dearly. I know that Charlie wanted to see the grandkids grow up, but since he's not here to do that then that is what I am here to do. To be a big part of their lives, to remind them how wonderful their grandpa was and to love them unconditionally.

Most of the time I smile, now, when I think of things he would have said or done; sometimes they are followed by "teary" eyes because I miss him so much and want him to be here.

It is definately "easier" now than it was a year ago. I think YOU are doing wonderfully after only 7 months - you see things so clearly!

Hugs to all of you!!! Have the best day possible.

Patti

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Hi Haley,

When I think of my parents and that there in a better place, I feel lost because if they are in a better place than why can I not be there too... My mom and I were so very close that it is so hard to face things without her... I hate doctor appointments and so she would come with me to support me but now I have to face them and I am scared and may myself ill just thinking about it... I have one think to remind me that it is all worth it in the long run and that is that I will see her again and that she is better now and she has no more illness... But I still feel like I really need her with me so I look at her picture or I will take a small picture to the doctor's with me and when I am scared I look at it and her smiling face and I feel much better.... Take care and I will pray for you Shelley

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