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The Tears Won't Stop Coming Since I Lost My Daisy!


Guest daisy mae

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Guest daisy mae

I am new to this site. My maltese baby girl was named Daisy Mae. She was a rescue that I got when she was about 3 years. I was injured from an accident and desperatly needed company. It's difficult to tell who recused who!

Daisy went with me everywhere. Matter of fact I used to 'sneak' her into places where she probably wouldn't have been able to go if people knew about it! But she was so quiet and patient that no one knew she was there. We even went to movies together and shared popcorn! She even went to many meditation retreats and seemed to love the prayerful energy. Never a peep from her while other's were in quiet meditation. Everyone used to say she was such a beautiful angel.

Daisy was 15 when I lost her just this March 10th. She had a heart condition. But I didn't know about it till the last 4 days of her life. She only behaved very sick the last 4 days of her life. Before that she was running around, eating (she always had a good appetite) and didn't appear ill till those last days.

I did have the opportunity to be with her, petting her, praying with her, singing with her, as her breathing came in short gasps till the end. But even though I was with her I still felt guilt. All the pain of the loss of that deep love. I didn't have enough money to take her to the vet often. So, my guilt comes from that. It's all been very shocking, the loss of my sweet angel so quickly gone from my side. But I feel that no matter when they leave us it's shocking and too soon.

The loss of that deep love and attention and support she gave me was so profound. Now that she's gone I am overwhelmed at the deep hole of emptiness that is left behind. In my grief and longing I still think she'll come into the room. Or that she's outside and I need to let her in. It feels like I'll never get over the pain!

I do have another baby maltese, 7 years old, that I got as a puppy, who I named Jasmine. She's only 5 pounds but acts like she's a big dog! She knew Daisy from when she was a tiny puppy. I am incredibly grateful to have her. Both of us are still grieving the deep loss of Daisy.

So I've noticed that Jasmine is grieving too! I also notice that when I go out, where she can't come, that she's very clingly, not wanting to be left behind. When Daisy was around she didn't seem to mind being left at home for a bit.

I am still in the crying mode most days and don't go out much as the grief is still so strong. My mind still persists in wanting Daisy back. Like I could turn the clock back to have her for just another day or so. This is so very difficult. God Bless my little baby Daisy.

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My dear friend,

We're all so very sorry about the death of your precious baby Daisy Mae. Your message tugs at my heart, because many years ago, Daisy was the name I gave my beloved Bouvier des Flanders. I used to call her Daisy Mae Bouvier, and she was one of the greatest loves of my life. She died in 1978, and I miss her still.

You say you've noticed that your dog Jasmine is grieving the loss of her best friend, too. Common sense tells us that, just as we form attachments to our companion animals, they form attachments to each other as well. Since these two little ones shared their life with you in your home and your yard, they were probably inseparable -- sleeping together, playing together and following one another around most of the day. When death separated them, it's understandable that the animal left behind can become distressed.

Although there are no scientific research reports in the literature about this, I can assure you that I've read, heard about and experienced myself many examples of animals reacting strongly to the death of their companions (human and animal) with symptoms of separation anxiety. It's also possible that Jasmine is sensing the distress of other humans in the household and is reacting to any changes in routine that accompanied this loss. When you think about it, how animals behave (with anxiety, restlessness, depression, crying and searching) is very similar to how we humans behave when we're grieving. Here are some suggestions that might help you to help Jasmine, if these behaviors are still evident:

- Keep Jasmine's daily routine as unchanged as you can, so it remains as predictable, familiar and consistent as possible.

- Provide comfort by leaving the radio or television on when leaving the house.

- Stick to her normal feeding routine. Even though you may be tempted to offer special treats at such a sad time, you don't want to reward her refusal to eat regular meals.

- If she seems to want it, give her extra attention, petting and affection, but try to do so when she is behaving in desirable ways (with toys, games and exercise). Again, you don't want to reinforce negative behavior, and you don't want to force yourself upon the dog. (Some animals who've always been friendly may behave in a hostile or aggressive way — another symptom of grief.)

- It may help to let her see and smell Daisy's "things" (toys, collar, dish or bedding, etc.). Some people recommend actually sitting down and "explaining" to the surviving animal what happened to their companion. Your dog won't understand every word, but your gentle touch and the soothing tone of your voice will provide some comfort.

You might also find this article helpful: Can You Explain A Pet's Death to Another Pet?

I noticed in your message of April 8 that you've found an "in person" pet loss support group, and I'm so pleased to know that you're taking advantage of such a resource. I hope you will continue coming here as well, because support for pet loss can be very hard to find, but you need not worry about that here. You are with kindred spirits on this site, and we will not let you walk this difficult journey all alone.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

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I too want to add my sympathy for the loss of Daisy. Marty is right. We do understand because we too have gone through the pain of losing a beloved pet. The grieving process is unique for each person. But for me, I can tell you that it has gotten easier with time. I still miss my beloved Tawny, who I had to put down almost 10 months ago due to kidney failure when she wasn't even quite two years old. She had a lttermate, Tanner, who is still with us, thank goodness. I am sure thought that he mourned her loss too in his own way because he reverted back to some of his less desirable puppy behaviors. I also think, as Marty pointed out, that he was reacting to my deep pain and grief. But he too got better, and my DH and I decided to get another puppy from the same person who owns both the parents because they are such terrific dogs-they are corgi-daschund mixes. When/if to get another pet is also a unique, very personal decision. It was a difficult one for me as well, but it worked out for all of us, and I am glad that I did that.

I will keep you in my prayers as you go trough this difficult grief journey.

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Guest daisy mae

Thank you everyone for your kind response to my loss of Daisy. I found the suggestions for comforting the other dog I have, Jasmine, helpful. But nothing seems to ease the pain of Daisy being gone. In a week I will have to pick up her 'ashes' and I feel very overwhelmed about it. I think in part of my mind I've thought of her just 'being on vacation' or something. The realization that I'll be picking up her ashes kind of brings all the original pain back! But I've wanted her ashes back because we don't own this home and I couldn't bear the thought of her being tossed into some mass grave. I just want her back and I guess I'll feel like that until oneday I don't!

Unfortuanately, the pet loss support group I was going to ended just after 1 group meeeting I went to! I've been told another one will start in the near future but the don't know when. That's too bad as there was some help with meeting with other people who had lost beloved ones.

I look forward to reading other supportive posts here!

fondly, daisymae

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I am so sorry that you continue to feel such pain over your loss. Unfortunately it does take take to feel better, and the amount of time will vary from person to person. Although we all want to escape this horrible pain, the truth is the the only way over it is to go right through it-not comforting, I know! Give yourself some time and try to be patient. Also certain events can come up-like picking up her ashes-that only bring it back to the forefront. I also cried so much the first few weeks. All I wanted was for the pain to go away, it was unbearable. For me, it was so intense that I never thought I'd feel better. What I did find though is that the amount of time I spent feeling bad did seem to lessen each day, and also within a few weeks the intensity lessened also. I could not even look at her pictures for months without crying. But just lately, I am able to look at them. It still makes me sad, but also I can remember what a joy she was in our lives for the short time she was with us. Again everyone's experience is different, and although I cannot take away your pain, perhaps this will give you some hope, ate least!

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