Still Having A Hard Time

[TerryB]

Hi Everyone,

I check in and read the posting every once in awhile but I haven't posted in a long time. I have been very busy. My son, daughter-in-law and 15 month old grandson have been staying with me while they are saving for a house. Now they have found a house and will be moving out in about 30 days or so. I'll tell you there have been days when the only person in the world that could make me smile is my grandson. I'm going to miss him so much when they move. Still, I am lucky because they are not moving very far from me and I can still see him a lot. It just won't be the same as having him here everyday.

Today it has been 9 months since Doug died. Some days it still feels like yesterday. I had a bad week. Monday I called in sick to work. Tuesday was ok but Wednesday I over-slept and just moped around. I finally got to work but thought I would have to leave because I felt so awful and had to fight to keep from crying. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel better. I still miss Doug so-so much.

I hope all is well as can be with everyone. I'm sure I will be checking in more once the kids move into their house. It will be very lonely here again. I am happy to have this site and everyone on it to share my feeling with. Thank you.

Terry

[missingcharlie]

Terry - I understand how you feel. My daughter and 3 grandkids were living with me for about 9 months and they just moved out about a month ago. It is quiet! The kids are 4,6&8 so after 9 months of CRAZINESS, I'm rather enjoying the peace and quiet. It is lonely, tho. Nine months is not a very long time, so I understand how lonely you feel. It's been almost 2 1/2 years since I lost my husband, so it's not quite as raw. It's become the normal, now, for him to not be around.... I still miss him terribly and I know that I always will!! I need to find something to keep me busy in the evenings because currently all I do is sit around and I know that isn't good for me.

My daughter and grandkids aren't that far away from me, either, so I still see them quite often. I just took the kids to the movies yesterday after school. GOSH the movies have gotten expensive!! Between the tickets and "eats" I spent a bunch!

Take care and keep coming here! We'll all get you through your transition.

Have the best day possible, everyone!

Hugs

Patti

Edited April 20, 2007 by missingcharlie

[Mrcelloboy]

TerryB,

I miss Kathy too. The Police announced the findings of the investigation into her death this past Wed. placing the blame on the truck driver who ran over her.

http://www1.pressdemocrat.com/apps/pbcs.dl...452/1033/NEWS01

It's like it just happened, again.

Some days are really hard, others are full of joy.

I know Kathy would want me to be living life to the fullest, full of joy. I also know that she knows I miss her, and that my tears honor her impact on my life.

Hang in there.

maury

[kayc]

Terry,

I am sorry you are having a hard time…I understand the loneliness and missing him. It has been nearly two years for me and the missing doesn’t go away, although it isn’t as raw as it was at first.

I can kind of relate…my son just moved out, along with his dog, last night. It is like “empty nest” all over again. I can’t tell you how much it hit me. I wish us all well in this seemingly never-ending adjustment we are going through…good luck. Please come and post any time you feel like it, we want to be here for you.

[TerryB]

Thanks Kayc, for your support. I will be feeling the empty nest again very soon. Patti, your right about there being a good part to it though. My house looks life a tornando went through a lot of times. I'm a little compulsive about things being in order and clean. I've learned to let it go for now (for the most part) so I can spend as much time as possible with Colin. He is growing way too fast!

Patti, what a great Gramma you are to take all your grandkids to the movies! They will remember those special times. My kids, now adults,-well ok, in their twenty's,still talk about spending the night with my mother and how she took them to the candy store, for 5 cent candy ,that used to be a penny when I was a kid.

Maury, I am so sorry about what happened to Kathy. How awful for you. I can't imagine having to hear all about the accident again and reliving it all. It may have been a relief in a way to know exactly what happened.

My husband Doug was very sick the last two years of his life with an incurable lung disease. We did everything we could including him being on the lung transplant list. There were doctor appointments and hospital admissions all the time. When he had to retire from work, we used to kid that his new job was going to the doctor. My heart breaks to think of it. He tried so hard not to get down and was cheerful most of the time. He made most of the girls in the doctor's office's laugh because he would joke and tease them about things. They also cried and felt terrible when they found out he had passed away. Anyway, I have been wanting to order a copy of his medical records from his last hospital stay, to find out what exactly, medically, happened. Of course, the doctors spoke to me, but I want to read what they all wrote. I feel a need to know. I kept a journal when he got so sick because there was no other way to keep track of all the medications and testing and results of the tests, doctor appts and hospital admissions. I tried to read through it and just can't yet. In time, maybe.

Take care and be strong.

Terry

[karenb]

I so understand about missing your husband so much. Mine passed away a year and nine months ago and I still have "melt downs" and just cry, especially when somethis good or not so good happens and I really wish he were here. I don't know how long this lasts. I also do try to keep busy and active with gardening, new church group, photography and my wonderful companion, Sadie Mae, my black lab. I really wish you well and very much understand how you feel.

Karen

Edited April 21, 2007 by karenb

[kellymarie]

Maury. My Josh was killed last March 5th. Just a couple of weeks ago the judge decided that there was enough evidence to charge the kid who killed him with neglient homicide (driving too fast for the snowy conditions). There will be a trial in Dec. It does make everything seem fresh and new again. Sighhhhhhh.... Kelly

[TerryB]

Karenb,

I try to keep busy also. I work full-time, I keep busy with my kids and grandson. I like to walk and I love to garden. Some of my happiest memories are right in my own back yard. I have a lot of flowers and bird feeders and bird baths. On nice days, when I got home from work, Doug would be sitting in the back yard watching the humming birds and I would sit down for awhile before starting dinner and we would talk about how our day went. I'm going to miss that so much this summer.

[karenb]

I also spend a lot of time in the gardens with my dog, especially the veggie garden. I have some "Grandpa Footprints" there and a little statue with two birds on it. Jack and I would walk down to the veggie garden and around the yard also. Sounds the same as you. Also the physical work I do out there does help....also to sleep at night. Nice to hear there are so many people out there like me, very comforting.

Karen