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Will I Ever Have A Day Without Tears?


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Personally, I feel you've come to the right spot to find understanding and caring people who are going through the same things you are. If you read through some of the posts, you'll find that this process continues on with emotions you may not have experienced before. This pain of loss is like no other and we just have to go slowly and know that it will lessen over time. I find that after a year and a half since my husband died, after getting through that horrible pain at the beginning, I started to grow little by little. I've always had faith but that didn't come back for some time. Thank goodness it did, the Good Lord was always there for me but I just didn't know it then. Try to be kind to yourself, surround yourself with caring people if you can and keep us posted on how you're doing.

Karen

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Karen thanks for your response. I just dont know about the year and a half though, i feel like i will never make it through another night, we never spent to many nights away from each other, bed time is the worse for me he was the best snuggle buddy a girl could ever ask for, i just cant stand this hurt, i miss him so much and hope that i will see him soon. Lisa Ann

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Lisa Ann,

I am sorry for what you are going through. Yes, it will get better...no, it will never be the same again. My husband and I, too, were very close, and were always together, so in love, always sitting next to each other in restaraunts or Bible Study, we knew what the other was thinking, we were always there for each other...yes, it is hard. Just take one day at a time. Try not to think too far ahead (in time), just get through this moment, this hour, this day. This site is a huge blessing, there are people here who have been through this and understand what you are going through and feeling. We are the survivors...survivors of loss just like yours. In the beginning, I never thought I'd make it, but it's been nearly two years. You will find that you will learn a lot in this process...it is a journey that you didn't ask for. There will eventually be times you think you're doing better...and then it will hit you again...be prepared for that and accept the bad days as well as the better ones. Little by little, life will begin to take shape for you again, not ever the same, but you will learn how to survive even this. I wish you the best and invite you to come on line here and post any time you want...you will find friends here.

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Does it really get better? People keep telling me it will, but really doesn't seem so. Each day that passes I feel worse. It takes so much energy to just get through the day. All I do at work is try yo keep in the tears. There is a fog around me all day and I feel unconfortable around my friends. I have to make myself concentrate really really hard to listen to what people are telling me at work. It just seems like stuff is just happening around me but I'm not part of it I'm just watching it happen not really caring.

How do I snap out of it????????? When people say it gets better do they mean that you just wake up and you just feel better, or do you wake up one day and make a concious effort to feel better and move on?? I keep thinking I', 27 what if I live to be 100 and I feel this misserable for the rest of my days??

I was reading a book that said you control your thoughts and hence you can make them be all positive thoughts. It said that if you have a negative thought you should immideately think of the opposit which will be a positive. I tried that for a day and I did feel better that day, but at night I just broke down. It's like all the feelings I had supress during the day just came out at once. I felt like I was kidding myself by thinking all these positive thoughts :( I just so confused about how I'm supposed to be feeling. All I know is that I miss my baby, his smell, his voice and I just want to be with him...

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Crisz, I understand completely where you are coming from, I lost my wife 2 months ago and the first month I felt out of my body for weeks, it does get easier, but please don't push yourself to "get out" of the zone, what you are experiencing is normal and you should adjust how ever long it takes, I found and verified with my counselor that the evenings are harder since that is the time couples spend most of their time, Lord knows its the hardest thing a person can go through, the pain is there, you will always have some for a long time, since that bond is broken.

William

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I have to agree. It takes time and it hasn't been that long yet. Positive thinking is all well and good, but it only works to a point...we still have to grieve when we have a loss of this magnitude. Your feelings are normal and to be expected. Hang in there and don't be afraid to let yourself feel all of your feelings, up and down.

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Lisa Ann,

First of all I want to tell you how sorry I am that you have to go through this. Losing your other half, as Stallyn mentioned is something so hard to deal with that only the Lord and those who have been through it know how difficult it is to wake up every morning and remember how things have turned out to be. Your loss is so recent that you don't have to force yourself to feel better, many people say "are you feeling better" when just a couple of days have passed by, and people do expect you to feel better after some time, but everybody has their own timing, give youself the chance to grief and cry. Don't repress yourself, having positive thoughts is a good idea, which can work out eventually, but your loss is so fresh that you don't need to force yourself that much. Please be gentle to yourself, after some time you will be able to live with this new life, that is what makes it "get better". It will be 11 months for me in a week, and I can tell you I feel better than the first month. Those first months were the worst months of my life, I felt as if I was been left in the middle of nowhere, and I wouldn't be able to survive, but as impossible as it may seem for all of us here, we have done it, baby steps, but we have eventually learned to live with it. Now though the circumstances aren't of any good I'm glad you joined this site, feel free to post anytime, you have found the nicest people, and very important, caring people who know what you are going through. Take care Ann, many blessings to you,

Gaby

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Criskz, I know exactly how you feel, I went to the funeral and I go to the cemetary but it dont seem real, i feel like I'm living out side

my life and just going through the motions. I dont feel like I belong any where and it doesnt matter where i am or who is around i am just lost alone and heartbroken that i dont want to think i have to live along life this way i miss him so bad i cant breath at times and as each day has past i only miss him that much more nothing is important to me any more. I want him back i dont want to spend the rest of my life without him and sure dont want another trying to take his place and i am tiered of people telling me that it will get better cause i sure aint feeling better. Lisa Ann

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Chriskz....Yes, you do need to just feel whatever you're feeling. I'm so sorry you're going through all this but I guess we just have to and what everyone says about it getting better, it does. It sure takes a lot of time and you just have to take good care of yourself. It helps if you have caring people around you, just cry when you need to, try to keep your mind and body busy with something and if you have any faith, try to count on that helping also. It's really just an hour, day or however long it takes for you to get better but it will happen. Try to hang in there and let us know how you're doing.

Karen

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Criskz,

Its ok to feel what you experience, its a way of the body/mind to mend itself, I echo your thoughts exactly, it seems no one will fill our spouses shoes.

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No one does fill your spouse' shoes, that is life's tribute to them. Each and every person in the world is unique and every relationship is unique. It wouldn't do any good to try to fill their spot, it can't happen. Instead, we try to accept our new life and what has happened, and build a new normal for oursselves, and it does take time, a lot of time and effort. A lot of focus and determination and good attitude. A lot of work. Hang in there, no matter how you feel, it will get better, little by little. Things will never tbe the same again, but it will get better. I know it's hard to believe, but we somehow get used to what we once couldn't even comprehend.

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