Does Anyone Sense Their Loved One Around Them?

[annemar]

I am a new member. I just lost my mom on March 24, 2007 to breast cancer. She was 60 years old. She suffered for 16 months with it, which was heartwrenching. She was so vibrant and full of life before she got sick. My mom and I were soul mates and always talked about the meaning of dreams. When my grandparents had died I dreamt of them and they were healthy and happy in my dreams and said good-bye to me. The only dreams I have of my mom are of her laying in the hospice bed really sick or of her being in a room with my family and I and being sick with cancer. I don't have any other sense of her. I don't feel her near me and I can't seem to have any dreams of her being happy and at peace like I did with my grandparents. My mom was a very spiritual person and we always talked about what heaven must be like. I question heaven now. I don't even know if there is one. I know that is a horrible thing to say but I just wish someone could whisper in my ear and tell me that my mom is finally at peace. My question to everyone is do you sense your loved one around you or have you had any peaceful dreams of them? Did anyone question heaven when their loved one died? I am sure you did, but I would love to hear from you. Thanks for listening ~Anne

[karenb]

I was completely numb when my husband died. It's a year and a half ago, now, and I'm getting much better, very slowly but steadily. You sound completely normal for all that you've been through and feeling, based on reading everyone's comments on this forum. You really have come to the right place for understanding and caring people. It took me a little while but I now know that my husband is near me, watching over me, and I feel his presence now and then. I think he might be busy carrying on with what the Lord had in store for him. It will come for you...don't try too hard, maybe. Just take good care of yourself, stay healthy, try to be as active as you can and try to surround yourself with caring people. Your Mom is with you, I just know it! Take care.

Your friend....Karen

[AnnieO]

Anne,

I am so sorry about your mom. I lost my mom Dec.7th 2006.

I just had my first happy, wonderful dream about her a few weeks ago. She looked healthy and happy. I had such a warm,happy feeling when I woke up. Then a few nights ago, I dreamed about my grandmother(my mom's mom) she looked healthy and happy too and told me" everything is alright here"..I like to think that was her way of telling me my mom is with her. It will take time but I have no doubt you will feel your mom around you. I have questioned my faith so many times and wondered about heaven, I am not sure what I believe anymore, but I know my mom is no longer sick and in pain and that she is still watching over me. I miss her every minute of everyday. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[LoriS.]

Anne, I am also so sorry about your mom. My mom died October 22, 2006. I've had one dream with my mom in it, but I was looking at her from afar and she was much younger. My girlfriend recently had a dream about her that she was sitting in a chair, wearing a chocolate brown suit petting a dog and looking very peaceful! I've had sensations and feelings of my mom being around me. Sometimes, I hear her answering my own self talk. I've been particularly sensitive to it lately since it's my first Mothers Day without her.

I read a fabulous book called Feathers Brush My Heart by Sinclair Browning. It's true short stories of mothers connecting with their daughters after death. Every female (and I guess males too...why not!) that has lost their mother should read it.

Welcome to this site and be a part of our Mothers Day "rememberences" of our moms. Read Annie's thread about Mothers Day...we're all going to think about our moms (of course) but all of us thinking about them at the same time on Mothers Day...12:00 noon Chicago time. Our goal with each other is to find strength and spirit at the exact same time...even though we all live all over the country! It is such a wonderful idea that Annie thought of!

Feel free to post whenever. There are a lot of great people willing to listen!

Take care...Lori

By the way...I am wearing a chocolate brown dress for my daughters wedding in October. My girlfriend who had the dream of my mom in a chocolate brown suit didn't know that I had even bought a dress for my daughters wedding and I hadn't even discussed a color with her prior to her dream about my mom!

[AnnetteAZ]

Ann,

I'm so very sorry for this horrible loss. I lost my man of 28 years one year and one day ago. I had some awful, gruesome dreams in the beginning. I was relieved when they finally quit. But I have never had a dream since of him, neither at peace, not giving me any comfort or a sign...nothing. I can't tell you how sad this makes me and I want to make more of it than it probably is. It can't possibly mean what I think it does in my most dispairing moments. Maybe it's more important for us to remember them in our minds and hearts, where we know they are.

I hope you have beautiful dreams soon. But if you don't, she still loves you.

[Steven]

Hi Anne,

I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. You've found a group of people here who comprehend great loss, and seem to have a quite varied set of experiences to offer feedback, help, or just understanding attention. I hope you find a reason to spend time here.

Despite a religious upbringing and religious schooling, I am not a believer in heaven and haven't been since I was a teenager. However, I do feel the presence of my wife in ways that although different from that you refer to, may still help you if your belief system is in flux or your heart/mind eventually lead you to alternatives to a heaven. Because I trusted my wife Tanya to always do the right thing, I make a conscious choice each day to consult her, the figurative angel on my shoulder, and in my heart, throughout the day--her presence compels itself because of my need and desire for it, as well as the conscious decision to make it so.

I don't think heaven is the same for all who believe in it. Religious faith requires belief in the supernatural, and that is something that works in some minds and not in others. This resolved itself internally in my case, and it will probably work similarly for you. When it comes to dreams, it is very likely that you do dream of those you've lost and don't remember it, and if you're interested in working at it a bit, dream recall can be trained/improved. If this is something important to you, there are books available, and undoubtedly articles online that might help you. I don't recall dreams of my wife nearly as often as I would like to, but I do have dreams of her and occasionally wake smiling or laughing as a result. These are bittersweet mornings of course, as I realize instantly upon waking that I was only dreaming, but I do love those dreams despite the rude awakening.

Steve

[Tracy]

Dear Anne,

It has only been a few weeks since you lost your mom and I am so sorry. I am quite sure that nothing feels right for you... eating, sleeping, thinking, praying and even dreaming. Grief grips every aspect of your life. For me, once things settled down a bit, I began to feel my dad's presence in many ways including dreams. Actually, 4 months after he died, I had a dream in which I was upset with him for taking so long to come back and tell me what IT was like (Heaven)! It was the most incredible dream of my life. In regards to faith: I would say after my dad died, I really questioned everything. I felt completely ripped off by God. Here I am going about life for 40 years doing what I thought was the right thing and out of the blue on a sunny day in May, my dad drowned in our family's pond at the age of 62. It was the most freakish, unsuspecting, furthest thought from my mind and it happened anyway. I prayed for guidance in my own faith a lot. In 12 days, it will be one year since my dad died. I feel that my faith has definately returned but it is different. Please be patient with yourself and read what these loving and kind people have to say about so many topics on this forum. They have felt the kind of pain that you are experiencing right now and will help you without even knowing it, just like they did for me.

[annemar]

Thank you to all of those who responded. I am so sorry for all of your losses. It is so comforting to know that I am not alone in my pain. We are all alike in that someone we cared for very much left this world and we share the same feelings of despair, emptiness and loss. It helped me to know that some of you had dreams and that some of you also question heaven. Deep down I know my mom is "free" of her cancer stricken body and hopefully reunited again with the loved ones she once lost. I must admit as spiritual as she was, towards the end she was very scared, as I think most of us will be. That, I think, is what really affected me. I keep picturing her being scared, sad, and angry that she was going to be leaving us and saying how unfair everything is. She wanted to see her grandchildren grow up and be at their weddings. She desperately wanted to see how they would all turn out in life. All her and my dad ever talked about was retirement and what they would do when they retire. She worked so hard her whole life and never got to see retirement. I know how lucky I was to be with my mom for 34 years of my life and for her to see my children. I know there are people out there who lost their mom's a lot younger than I. I guess the time you spend with your mom is never enough when you are so close to her. I always say to everyone who still has their mom around "cherish every moment you have with her and always let her know how much she means to you". You have all inspired me to be patient and that healing is a process. I do strongly hope one day she will come to me in my dreams to let me know she is happy and okay. Then, at that moment, I will believe there is a peaceful place we go to. ~Anne

[MartyT]

Dear Anne,

Louis LaGrand is a certified grief counselor and author who is known worldwide for his research into the afterlife experiences of the bereaved. (Visit his Web site at www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com.) In his most recent book, Love Lives On: Learning from the Extraordinary Experiences of the Bereaved, he offers the following suggestions, which you might find helpful:

Seeking an Extraordinary Encounter, pp. 119-121

I tell every client who comes to me that there is nothing wrong with asking or praying for a sign that your loved one is okay. You will receive a sign when you need it most. Be patient. Persist. Be specific. Keep petitioning. Stay alert and increase your awareness of the coincidences, feelings, unusual happenings, intuitions, and good things that occur during your day. Give thanks when what you have prayed for arrives. Persistent prayer cannot be denied. In particular, ask your Higher Power to allow you to have a visitation dream. Many spiritual counselors believe that dreams are the easiest way for spirits to communicate with survivors.

You might also combine your prayers with meditation. If prayer is talking to the Intelligence, meditation is listening to that Intelligence. Meditation – opening your mind and heart to the messages of the universe around you – will put you in an ideal state of consciousness to receive an Extraordinary Encounter . . . if something happens to you during your prayer or meditation session, and you are not sure how to assess it, ask yourself four questions:

•Is this the kind of thing my loved one would do?

•What is my intuitive feeling about the event? (Notice what comes into your awareness – what thoughts, physical feelings, emotions.)

•Has this event brought the feelings that love has been given and received?

•Most important of all, did the experience bring peace?

If the answer to the last question is yes, you should feel confident that you’re being led by a power greater than yourself, regardless of what name you attach to it. I firmly believe that peace and a sense of belonging or connectedness go hand-in-hand, and that the road to true healing lies in following that peace.

How to Strengthen Your Inner Life, pp. 159-172

1) Feed on daily inspirational themes.

2) Recognize your thought traps. Oppose your inner critic with your inner cheerleader. Challenge negative thinking. Use words like “I vow” or “I commit.” Save worrying for a pre-set “worry time,” and quickly turn your attention elsewhere.

3) Develop contemplative skills – a daily stress-reduction routine to take time out from reality. Includes disconnecting (phone, doorbell, etc.), guided imagery, meditation, imagination, breath work.

4) Use nature as a form of therapy. Study details; feel the peace of beauty: look for the hidden face of your Higher Power in the sky, the clouds, the sun, the smell of grass and flowers, the ocean, the mountains, a work of art.

5) Nurture your intuition – the instant grasping of reality; a lightbulb going on as you find a solution to a problem; the gut feeling that you should take a specific course of action . . . Coping well with loss always involves rising above your previous level of awareness, and intuition, which is part of your spiritual intelligence, will help you do just that. Listen to your inner voice and the feelings that often accompany it.

6) Keep a journal. Whether you fill it with personal thoughts and feelings, memories, or prayers, a journal can be an effective means of enhancing your inner dialogue and your overall spirituality.

7) Strive to imprint and maintain powerful memories. What you choose to recall drastically effects how you live your life in the present: how you remain in contact with deceased loved ones, how you learn from the past, and perhaps most important, how you use good memories to bring you lasting joy and empower your life.

[source: Love Lives On: Learning from the Extraordinary Experiences of the Bereaved, by Louis LaGrand, Ph.D., © 2006]

[jc1030]

Anne,

I sometimes wonder if my dad, who's been gone for over half a year now, is watching over me and my mom. As for sensing whether he's around me and my mom, I don't really know to be honest. I think I may have had some dreams in which I thought I saw him, but because it was so fleeting I couldn't tell.

I'm at a point right now where I think I'm still not very accepting of the fact that he's gone, and maybe there are times when I'm trying too hard to hope for some kind of sign or communication. Maybe he's taking his time reuniting with relatives and friends who passed on before him, and when he's ready (or more importantly, I'm more ready in accepting his passing), he will appear.

Jeff

[CFH]

Hi Anne, I'm sorry about your loss... I lost my mom almost 2 weeks ago, very suddenly in an accident, and since I've never met my father it feels like I've lost both parents at once. I am 25 and my mom was 49, less than a month away from 50.

I may be getting to this thread a little late, but I'll gladly share my experience with you and I hope it can help you, even just a bit.

This is very hard for me to type, but I'll try not to forget anything. I'm not a religious person, but I do believe in God and I talk to God often. After my mom's death (it still doesn't seem real - though I know it is), I was desperate for some sort of sign that she was ok and happy where she was. I went to the viewing and sat beside her for a long time, hoping that I would somehow feel closer to her or that I would feel her presence. I felt nothing, and in retrospect I'm glad I didn't, because I'd hate to think that she was lingering around, suffering. About 1/2 a week ago or so (the days kind of blend together) I had a dream in which I was with her, driving in her car down the same streets we drove together countless times. We went back to a house that I knew was hers, though I had never been there before because it wasn't the house she lived in. She was laying on a bed in the living room and she looked many years younger. At some point I realized it was a dream, which never happens to me, and I began asking her questions - is she ok/happy, is God with her etc. She answered all those questions in a way that made me feel better, but in a way as if I couldn't understand because I'm still here. But when I told her how bad I was suffering, she looked confused as if she vaguely remembered those sorts of things but could no longer relate. Almost like if I were trying to explain life to a baby in the womb. I'm still confused as to whether or not it was just my imagination, but I think if it was she would have answered some of my questions differently... I awoke after I had asked a few questions, even though I tried desperately to hold on to the dream I could not. I don't necessarily feel her presence near me, but though the dream made me feel quite strangly, it helped in a way... anyways, sorry for the long rambling post, it was very hard to write, but I just wanted to share this with you. J.

[annemar]

Hi J,

Sorry to be getting back to you so late. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about the loss of your mother. Your reply has helped me and I can totally relate to the dream you had. I finally had a dream of my mom also. We were all sitting in the dining room of the house I grew up in. She was sitting at the end of the table. I looked at her and started to sob in my dream because I could not believe I was finally seeing her again as a healthy woman. I went up to her and told her that I missed her very much and then I started to cry again. She put her hands on my shoulder and said a matter of factly that she is in no longer in pain and to always remember that. She kind of responded to me the same way your mom responded to you - as if she could not relate to emotions anymore. Believe me, my mom was always an emotional woman - would always cry over the thought or stories being told of her loved ones who passed. Then I asked my mom if she had any message for my dad and she said to tell him she is not happy with how he is doing the banking. I woke up feeling like a stronger person because of that dream. It is true, she is no longer in pain. I then called my dad and relayed the message to him and he started to laugh because he has overpaid some of his bills, which I had no idea about. Hope you're doing better. The recovery process seems like a long journey. Some days will be stronger than others and on other days just thought of your loved one will get you very upset. Just hold on to all of the wonderful memories you have and share stories with people about your mom. This will keep her memory alive.

Anne