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Very Confused


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Hi All,

Today I seem to be very emotional, But also very confused... I just do not know what to do, I am thinking seriously about moving out on my own... But I just do not want to leave the children because I love them so much, I just can not live in the house anymore because my sister and brother-in-law just make things so awful to live there... I cry just thinking of leaving the children but for myself I just can not do it... What can I do to make it a better way so I can be here for the kids and for my own sane ways too... Please help Shelley

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Shelley,

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time.

How are your sister and brother-in-law making it so awful? Are they cruel? Do they perceive you as doing something to incite them? Have they decided it is time for you to "be over it," "to move on," "get on with life" etc, and you just are not ready for someone to pronounce your recovery deadline? If you can't live in the house anymore, then the die has been caste--you have to leave, right? If the children are witnessing unkindness regularly from their parents, it can't be a good thing. If you are running interference on their parents being cruel to them, you're placed in a very difficult spot.

Can you be clearer on what makes it so awful, so that suggestions on how to make it better address your problem directly?

Steve

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Hi All,

What makes it awful is that I have cleaned and cleaned their house where I live and they come in and clean some of the same area I have just cleaned and others things like if you do not shower you can not use the hot tub... It is like I am a dirty animal and I will mess up the hot tub when I use it... So I just do not use it, Alot of comments like I hope you wash your hands after going to the toilet it is like I know this and they do not think I do... They treat me like one of their children.... I just need my own space and I do not get it here.... The children disrespect because their parents do not respect me.... I just need my own area to call home... I love the children and it is very hard to deal with them around their parents.... Anyway I think I am going to Ontario housing and get my own house.... Take care Shelley

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Shelley....It sure sounds like you need some space. We all need respect and caring people around us. I feel so bad for you living in these unhappy circumstances. It is so hard to find strength sometimes. It's taking a long time for me, too, but yesterday when I was getting $3.45/gallon gas I looked at my daughter and just said, "I feel good! I think I'm coming back." That was right from the heart and you have it in you, too. You just have to fight to keep on going, take the steps you intuitively feel are right. Hang in there and care for yourself.

Your friend....Karen

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Shelley,

I'm so sorry your sister and her husband are making life so miserable for you. I think you have the strength to move on. I have seen your progress and you are ready! You can still see the kids (I assume) and it will probably be an even better experience and maybe they will also show more respect. It might be just the break you need to improve several levels of your life. Good luck.

Hugs,

Shell

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Shelley

I think it will be great for you to get your own place for you and your sister and her family. i think everyone needs there own space. it will give you a place that is yours and you can do what ever you like in it. this doesn't mean you won't see the children. they will always be a part of your life. you could bring them to your place for the day or even a sleep over.

Are you financially able to move out? if so, i say go for it girl!!!!

Lori

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Hi Steven, Karenb, Shell, and Lorikelly,

You all have given me something to think about, Thank you All for your replies... I do want my own place I just have to figure out where and how to tell the children... Take care Shelley

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  • 4 months later...

Hi All,

I just wanted to update you, Things are still kind of crazy but have settled down somewhat... We have our good days and our bad ones... My sister is a little jealous of the connection I have made with her children, The youngest one called me mommy right in front of her and I kind of laughed it off... Anyway I have asked them if I have stayed longer than they expected and both have said that when I was ready I will know... Take care Shelley

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That seems kind of nice that they should say, "when you feel ready" you'll move on, and it's nice, too, that you have that wonderful relationship with the kids. I hope she's not jealous....maybe "auntie" is better. It's nice of you to let us know how you're doing. You sound good and life just keeps going on, huh? I hope you're keeping busy and finding things that interest you. That always seems to help this road we're on. Keep on hanging on.

Your friend, Karen :wub:;)

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