More About My Two Lost Sweeties

[tedsan]

heres an e-mail i wrote to my mom-mom (the only one in my family who understands and will TALK to me). I think it pretty much shows what I am feeling. please reply!

Hi mom-mom,

Tonight I was just thinking about Teddy. Me and Dana are going to pick him up tomorrow. It will be SO HARD. My mom and dad said no to cremating him, because it will cost $100. I really dont want to go to the vet and pick up another frozen body and have to dig another hole. I was thinking about having him cremated with other animals, but I decided I didn;t want him burned with a bunch of other animals and throw out; i need some memorial of him (besides the one of him adn sandy i have on my dresser). Tonight i just cried, for like 45 mins in my room. it felt so good, to just cry long and hard. O, great, all this has gotten me started up again...hold on... ok, its 10 minutes later and i officialy am going to shrivel up from lack of liquid in my body. I just want them both back so much. no one really understands, especialy about teddy. i was the only one who loved him with my whole heart. my mom was the only one who even liked him. also, no one really wants to talk about it...everytime i bring it up, they change the subject. everyone but you, of course. it felt so good to spill my guts to you on the phone. i just want my pets back. Sandy was old, but Teddy was young! He was only like, 2 1/2! he was supposed to live five years! He was my confidant, my best friend. he knew everything i had to say. hold it, i started up again....k, im back. i'm starting to look all wrinkly,,,no more liquid. i remembrer reading with him, him all curled in my arms, nibbling the pages, licking me, letting out littel squeaks of content now and then, loving every minute of it, just like me. Ugh, i am so tured. I'll tell you tomorrow about the funeral..wow, that will be sad. one mourner. good night. love you. see you soon.

[LittleGirl'sMommy]

Becka! How are you?? Did you have the funeral yesterday? I'm sorry I didn't write to check up on you yesterday.

I am thinking about you. Just know that you're not alone (even though it sure must seem this way, without Sandy and Teddy's physical presences). Sandy and Teddy are with you in spirit; their spirits are their true selves---their souls. The hard part is that their cuddly, furry, lovable bodies had to pass on.

You and Sandy and Teddy WILL be fully reunited when it's your time to go (I have no doubts whatsoever; we can talk more about this sometime if you want ). In the meantime, your soul is still living inside your physical body, which means you have more living to do on this earthly plane. Sandy and Teddy understand this (in the realm they're in, they really are all-wise) and they want you to be able to go on.

It is terrible that not many people understand or want to talk about the love and loss of animals!!! I don't get it. All I know is that I'm grateful for support groups like this one. I don't know what I would have done without this group (and another one that I'm still on). Losing my Little Girl (kitty) was the thing in life I had most feared, and I didn't know whether I'd be able to survive this loss (when I lost my Mariah in 1998 I became very very sick). Well, Little Girl passed on March 24, and ......i am surving, thanks to the love and support of people like you on these groups. For the first few days, I stayed in bed with my laptop computer and spent hours and hours on these groups. I knew I had to be connected to people who understood . Other than that, I watched the Lifetime channel and slept!

.

I know you still have to go to school. Just know that you aren't alone, and you can come home from school and get on this site and you'll be among family. I really understand your predicament about others not understanding and empathizing with your pain. Write any time! Please keep in touch.

Kathy

ekleigh@yahoo.com

[MartyT]

Like all the other animal lovers who’ve read your story, Becka, I’m deeply saddened and sorry to learn that you’ve lost both of your beloved animal friends, so suddenly, so unexpectedly, and so close together. I know that the love you received from these two precious little creatures was special – complete, uncomplicated, unconditional – and I’m sure you were just as attached to them as they were to you. It is because of that deep love and attachment that you are feeling the pain of grief right now. You wouldn’t feel this bad about losing Sandy and Teddy if you hadn’t loved them as much as you did while they were here with you. The strength of the feelings you’re having now is a measure of the value of what you have lost. As the saying goes, grief is the price we pay for love.

I’m so pleased to know that your grandmother is there for you and willing to listen to whatever you need to say about all of this. It’s important that, in addition to posting on this Pet Loss Forum, you have a safe place to feel, to show and to talk about your pain, and to ask your questions as you come to terms with these losses – questions such as, “Why did Sandy and Teddy have to die? Why now? Where do pets go when they die? Are Sandy and Teddy together now? Will I ever see them again? Do pets go to Heaven?” Your grandmother may not have all the answers to your questions – and sometimes there just aren’t any satisfactory answers to puzzling questions like these – but it’s still important that you ask them and you have someone who will puzzle over them with you.

It’s also helpful for you to think about, talk about, write and / or draw about what was special about Sandy and Teddy, and to think of all the ways that you can remember them. Maybe with your mom or your grandmother you could plant a tree, or a shrub or a rose bush or a flower garden, in your pets’ honor. You could put a photo album or a scrapbook together, or fill a memory box with a few of your pets' toys and treasured objects. You could write a story or a poem about them and post it on a Web site. (As an example, go to the “Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers” page on my Grief Healing Web site, and read the poem that 11-year-old Katy Riley wrote about her dog Max, at A Poem for Max.)

Even though Sandy and Teddy are no longer here with you in a physical way, they will always be tucked somewhere safely in that special place you’ve created for them in your heart – and they will be with you in spirit just as long as you keep their memories alive. Do whatever you can to memorialize, honor and remember them, and I promise you that one day you will find that all the good memories you have of your beloved Sandy and Teddy will replace the awful feelings you are having right now.

You might not think that you will ever love another animal as much as you loved Sandy and Teddy, and you might think that you’ll never, ever want to take the chance again of loving and losing yet another cherished pet – but that would be a very big mistake, because you would be cutting yourself off from all the warm and wonderful ways that these dear animal friends can enrich your life and bring joy to your heart. Of course there is no way to replace the loved ones you have lost, and certainly you wouldn’t want to get a new pet before you’re finished with your grief at losing Sandy and Teddy, or before you even want or feel a need to give your love to another pet. But there are so many unwanted puppies and dogs and cats and kitties and bunnies and Guinea pigs and horses and goats and birds and Heaven-knows-what-else out there who need animal lovers like you to want them and care for them and love them, Becka. Don’t let this experience rob you of your love for animals and your need to have them in your life.

What you are learning now is that death and loss are natural parts of living. You're discovering that nothing lasts forever, that every living thing goes through a natural process, with a beginning and an ending, with living in between. You're learning that because most pets have shorter life spans than we humans do, sooner or later we’ll all experience the death of our beloved companion animals, and sooner or later we’ll all be feeling the grief that you are feeling now. Harsh as it is, grief is a fact of life, it’s part of being human, and it happens whenever we lose someone we love. But grief also helps us become more sensitive to others who are hurting, because now we know first-hand how it feels to lose a loved one. And it teaches us to cherish those we love, to let them know right now how much we love them.

My prayer for you, Becka, is that slowly but surely your broken heart will begin to heal, and if you remain open to the possibility, the time will come when you’ll feel strong enough to love again, and you’ll feel ready to welcome another pet or two into your life. Until that day, please know that you are more than welcome here. Those you will meet here are animal lovers, too. We’ve all been where you are now, we know how much it hurts, and we want you to know that you are not alone. We care about you, we are here for you, and we are holding you in our hearts.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T