Anger And Withdrawal From Everyone

[marshalynn]

Hello everyone, I learned about this site through a friend and thought I might possibly benefit in some way. My husband died a year and a half ago due to hepatic failure. I had him home with assistance from home health to check the basics. I still cared for him with baths, etc. I thought I had gone through the anger stage, but recently find it is surfacing again and I don't know what to do. I've been the route with counseling and am still seeing my shrink once a month to monitor meds. I thought if I stayed busy enough, it would help me make faster progression towards healing. So far...NO. I am so very sad all of the time. I have no patience with anyone and really don't care if I am abrupt with them. I think some of this stems from not having any help from family nor friends when I was going through such a hard time with my husband. I had to hire help to come in to help me with him because I could not pull him up in the bed myself. He was 6 ft. tall and weighed about 195. I am 5 ft. 2 and weigh 120. My daughter helped with the first two wks. of the hospital bed episode, then I sent her home to be with her 12 yr. old daughter because it was right before Christmas and I told her she needed to be with her daughter. This was my problem. My husband died Dec. 21, 2005. He was buried two days later and everyone scattered like birds right afterwards.Sorry for going on and on. If anyone has any suggestions to get past the sadness or lonliness, please share. Thank you.

[karenb]

MarshaLynn,

My husband will have been gone 2 years on July 27th. I still have those feelings, too, but they are lessening this summer with working in the garden, growing vegetables, going to a new church and also their women's group. Sharing with them helps tremendously as they are very loving ladies. Truly I feel, at least for me, trying to keep busy and interested in things is the key. I go to Curves 3 times a week and there is a lady there who is deaf so I'm teaching myself American Sign Language so I can talk with her. I have a little home business that helps, especially with "pin money" since I'm living on my husband's disability income. My sons are out of town buy my daugher is local so I do have a little family life as well. But there are certainly times, especially in the evening, when I really miss him tremendously. So I decided to crochet my grandaughter a big, cuddly afgan in order to keep my hands busy. I do have my wonderful big black lab who is a constant companion. Maybe you can find something you can be passionate about and nurture that. It just takes time but I know we're all going to get through this. There definately is no special amount of time. Some days are good and some aren't. I guess we just have to roll with the punches. Keep letting us know how you're doing. There are some pretty special people here just for understanding and caring because we're all going through the same things. Take good care of yourself and I'll talk to you later.

KarenB

[DoubleJo]

Marshalynn;

When my first husband died his family (out of state) didn't want to be involved. I did everything alone, including running the business. When my second husband died my father had died the previous year and had dementia. 2 months after Curt died my mother died. I took care of Curts death too. I have no kids, (not that guarantees anything), my friends were from the business so they disappeared totally and my neighbors were all new. Was I angry? You betcha. Especially at hospice support group. The people there talked about how they were " all alone". Then they talked about their kids, relatives, friends, etc. doing this and that. I finally pointed out that they may feel alone but they weren't alone! I had no one to call about anything at all. Even hospice,who was suppose to send a counselor forgot about me. (I guess 4 deaths wasn't important enough). I had to keep calling to find out what was going on?( not a computer glitch, they just didn't do it)

I got the heavy anger out, finally talking to a hospice counseler. My anger has mellowed into a simmer. Maybe I'm lucky. I didn't have fights with people over arrangements, etc., meddlers or troublemakers. I had things done the way I wanted them to be done without interference.

I had peace and quiet. Was the anger justified? Some yes, some not so yes.

Justified anger quiets down, the rest fades away.

Patience will come. Right now you are frustrated with your situation. Rightly so. You have every reason to feel sad and lonely. Be easy on yourself. It does change. It really does. By very best.

[shell]

Marshalynn,

Anger is so much a part of grief. And it will come and go. Just when you think you've "worked through it", it will fly out at you down the road. I'm in one of my angry modes right now and, like you, I thought I had handled that or at least was handling it better! But like all the other emotions of grief, it is valid and you just have to get angry, punch your pillow and let it out. My problem is I tend to hit something hard, like a countertop, and end up with a very sore hand! So try to get it out in a way that will be easy on you! It will pass, so hang in there!

Hugs,

Shell