Flash Died This Morning

[MartyT]

Marty, I've been trying to post since earlier this afternoon but can not find any instructions on how to do it. Would you be kind enough to see that this gets posted? I would be so appreciative. Thank you.

Flash died this morning.

Today is Sunday, June 3rd, 2007

Flash is our 12 pound silver Tabby cat. I bought him and his sister Snuggles from the Cat Protection Society in Long Beach over 19 years ago. He was 92 years old in cat years.

This day was to be a day of celebration. I projected that today would be the day when I reached 50,000 unique feedback on eBay. At this moment I'm at 49994 so I know it will happen. But I wish I could stop it from coming. There's no room in my heart for any joy.

I'm having a very hard time.

I haven't stopped crying since I saw him on his pillow on our bed this morning a little after 9am It's now after 5pm. I glanced at him on my way to the bathroom from my home office and saw that his mouth was open.

I knew immediately. Cats don't keep their mouths open. I knew he was gone. I stroked him. He was warm but there was no response. I patted him. No response. I lifted his hind legs and let them fall. No response. I cried out "Oh no!" That woke Ogie up. She said "What?" I said Flash is gone.

I kept going into the bedroom from my office to pet him one last time, for many, many times. I couldn't help the crying. It never stopped. It was several hours before I could bring myself to wrap him up in a towel and put him in a cardboard box so we could put him in the refrigerator in the garage to wait for his casket to be ordered and shipped. I cried all the way down the stairs and couldn't stop when I finally closed the refrigerator door.

Earlier I'd called around to find a pet cemetery. There was only one, in Huntington Beach. It will cost about $1,000 to have him buried there. I decided to bury him in my back yard. I can't stand the thought of him being way down in Huntington Beach and Ogie and me here in Orange. I want to keep him closer than that. I have the spot picked out. I'm almost 70 and it's been quite a while since I've tried to sink a shovel into the hard pan clay in the backyard but I'll manage it.

My heart is breaking. I can hardly type this through the tears. I loved that cat. God, how I loved that cat.

Jim

[Maylissa]

Dear Jim,

I'm very sorry for your loss of Flash, your dear cat. Our Nissa (the grey one in my avatar) was 19 yrs, 7 months old when we had to have her euthanized while she was (already) dying, but at least we knew what was coming. Her brother, though, went so much younger and more suddenly, so I know how intense this pain can be, no matter how it happens. It's been over 9 months for me with Nissa's parting, yet my heart is still very heavy, this being the first summer I've been w/o either of my two kidlets in 19 years. It's the emptiest feeling in the world, so I can certainly empathize with your sorrow. Every day is still a terrible struggle for me, just to keep going in what now seems like such a pointless and heartbreaking life. I don't apologize for my huge grief over my girl, because she was our fur-daughter in my heart and I know I will always carry this sorrow, this missing her, this void, in some measure.

We also have had Nissa in our freezer while we awaited her casket by mail and the ground to thaw, and in fact, have not yet buried her, next to her brother, Sabin (who predeceased her by 6.5 yrs) in our back yard. I am still pondering the entirety of the service I wish to do in her honour, so am not ready yet. And one day, we will still have them both cremated (caskets and all), to be mixed with my own cremains and either buried or scattered together with me. So I think it's wise of you to have considered what will sit better in your own heart for Flash's burial and proximity to you. Once our dear animals are gone from this plane, they are only concerned with what will help us feel better, hardly any differently than when they were physically here with us.

Let your tears flow, for your heart and soul know they are natural expressions of your grief and need not, nor should not be denied. And if at any time you're up to it, please feel free to share and honour who your Flash was (still is, in spirit) with us here, as well as any parts of your grief journey that you wish or need to express. We all know how hard it is to lose such precious ones, but also how important it is to honour the importance of their lives through our pain.

In deepest sympathy,

Maylissa

Edited June 4, 2007 by Maylissa

[lorikelly]

Jim

I am so sorry for your loss. i know how painful it is. the pain seems like it will last forever. i work for a vet for 14yrs and have seen many things. i believe the bond between humans and animals is sooooo strong, until you truely love one you can not understand. i have , so i know the feeling. my thoughts and prayers are with you . Lori