Mom Died Family Selfish And Rude

[Raynee]

I am twenty two, and I have had the hardest life trying to let my self know for once that she is gone, but I believe she is not. My mother was 50 when she got lung cancer and the tumor had spread in her back, spine, brain, and lungs. After she was dignosed in August of 2003, she died shortly after in September27,2003. I lost a part of me that day, and I cannot seem to realize that she is gone.

Before my mom died, I was anorexic and dropped to 98 pounds. She was so scared that I would die of heart problems or something. I started to get better and understood my eating disorder, but then when my mom got sick I found myself losing control again, this time bad. My family was not there.

The day that my mom was in the hospital that my grandma, my moms cousin, and my moms sister. Started to really heat things up on me.

I have two brothers, and a sister. My mom would never wanted us all to dispute over her things just do it right and not argue. I wish. My grandma, moms cousin, and sister were the biggest control freaks I know they had to have everything there way. The day before my mom died my moms cousin which is a lawyer went in and drew up the will on my moms death bed. Right when she was on alot of morphine and could not even talk. My moms cousing kicked all the family out to draw up this so called will. Right then I knew that they were trying to take my moms things away from us kids. I was getting really angry, so a couple weeks after my mom died. My moms cousin went over the will with everyone and that all the stuff out of the house us kids wanted we would be charged with and the stuff we did not want would be sold in a gargage sale, the money from the yard sale would be used to pay my moms bills off. Yeah, right I found out that my moms side of her family we will call them were after my moms money for themselves and so us kids got nothing. I got a lawyer I was sick of the feud and he stopped the yard sale he was on the ball and all when all of the sudden TODAY was the yard sale how could that be when it was going to probate court I thought. The lawyer did not tell me he let it go, and when I did go and try to get my things my moms family had the stuff that I wanted with sale tags on it for the yard sale and people were wanting to buy it. How the hell could someone do that. I am wondering if anyone has lost a parent and had to go through this crap. I am so angry, I want to keep them from selling my moms house and I think by getting another lawyer that might help any help out there please I need to ease my pain some were. Raynee

[lost32yearold]

My mom has been gone for almost 4 months now. I'm not crying as much now as I was before. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with all of those problems with your family. I know it's a very normal reaction to be angry, event to people who deserve it. I think it's all part of having lost someone who was very special to you, who knows you and your history. It's very likely that you will experience a whole lot of different emotions, all I can tell you is to be especially gentle with your self. You should give yourself permission to feel sad, or angry, but don't let it control your life. I hope this helps you in some way.

[tattoodlb]

I'm sorry for your loss and all the extracurricular crap you are dealing with. I am also trying to deal with anger and grief at the same time. My mom had no will, so my sister got to act as "administrator" of my mom's estate because she lives in the state my mom died in (and lived in). The lawyer's advice (also my cousin) was bad, very bad....Well, my sister decided to do many, many horrible things to me in the name of being "in charge" and I now have a lawyer who is costing me tons of money but I don't care because I want what is right and what is fair. You should be mad! Don't hold it in! If your mom (and my mom) knew what was going on now, they'd be furious! I am trying to bring respect to my mom's passing and it seems like it is becoming a 3-ring circus! My relatives decided they didn't like the date of the funeral, so they made another one!! Can you imagine? Having 2 funerals? Ha..now I have 2 death certificates, too...and the cemetery got vandalized....this just keeps getting better.......ok, so I'm sarcastic now, but we are powerless over everything but ourselves...and sometimes dealing with this situation is hard and using sarcasm helps make it easier but not by much. I know how you feel and being angry helps us get motivated into action. Good luck.

[Penny]

My heart breaks for you all who have suffered a loss and are now having to deal with family strife. The loss itself is devastating enough.

I recently lost both my Mom and my brother. I have no other immediate family so I really don't know what you are going through. However...my thoughts and prayers are with you.

[christine]

I lost my beautiful Mom to cancer 4 months ago, she was diagnosed and 3 months later she was gone, she was only 48. I still cry everyday and sometimes I just can't beleive what has happened and I just want to wake up from this nightmare, feels like I'm in a Freddy Crueger movie or something. I can't beleive the emotions and thoughts that I am capable of, I could never have guessed before this happened. I have been through horrible anger, sadness, guilt and so many other feelings. Now four months later I still feel all these things but I am starting to see a little bit more clearly through the fog. My mom sacraficed so much to be my Mom and made sure that I had a wonderful childhood and a best friend as an adult, all she wanted for me was happiness and a wonderful life, so I have to go on and try for a happy life. It's not easy, I wish I could just slide under the covers and hide from this seemingly cruel world.

Anyway those are my honest true feelings and I want you to know that I too have gone through serious fights and anger with relatives and so called friends. You really see a persons true being when they are faced with something like this. My Mom's sister has actually said to me and my sisters that we do not respect our Mother's memory. She is horrible, and has absoulutley no grounds to say these things. It was over material things passed down to us, she wants them for herself I think and is mad about that. Anyway you can't imagine someone especially your Mom's sister and best friend saying this to you. Well the anger has torn me apart but I've realized that my health is the most important thing and I'm afraid that if I let this anger and sadness eat at me, well I'm afraid that I will get sick.

My Mom did not care about material things. My advise to you is to try to remember what was really important to your Mom. If your relatives choose to behave in a horrible way you can't control that, all you can control is how you feel and live the rest of your life. Well I certainly don't have all the answers but I just wanted you to know how I'm trying to get through things. Take care of yourself, cause your health is # 1.

[tattoodlb]

Christine, I understand where you're coming from when you speak of our health being number 1... I try to take care of myself and being bombarded by feelings that we have because we've lost someone very close and dear to us makes it all the more difficult. Having vultures for family members is also trying on ones nerves. My own sister turned against me after my mom died (she got to be administrator of the estate because there was no will and she lives in the state my mom died in), so she proceeded to take my mom's belongings away from my brother (that which she new my mom wanted him to have) and she prevented me from getting any information from the medical examiner's office regarding post-mortem samples....so I go to the gym every day and try to get myself and my mind in shape for whatever comes up.

For all of our varied stories and lives, the main component is that we've lost our mother or father and we are miserable, and also faced with other issues that make mourning difficult. I think of my mom every day and how angry she would be with my sister if she knew all this stuff is going on. I think of my mom and wonder what really happened to her, I have as yet no idea how she died. That is the worst part for me.

Thinking my sister might have been involved by giving her Rx pills in addition to what she had from her doctor makes me sick. My mother's brothers and sisters do not call me. Not one of my cousins sent me a sympathy card. It's like no one wants to acknowledge that my mom is gone. I guess then they would have to face their own mortality. ? Anyhow, to everyone who has posted, my thoughts and prayers are with you for peace and love, and to try to find joy in the life we have left and to remember our dearly departed with affection and warmth, that they are with us in spirit and in our hearts forever. I still have a hard time seeing things clearly...

Penny, sorry for your doublely hard loss....Hugs..