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1st Post And Missing My James


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I have been reading your messages and it has been really comforting to be able to share feelings with people who understand what I am experiencing. I lost my boyfriend James on the 29th March 07, he was killed in a car crash. He was 31 and the suddeness of his death has left me really confused, hurting and feeling completey lost. Nothing in life makes sense anymore and I feel I have in a way stopped living when he died and am just existing. It has been 3 months since he died and I have been crying everyday and miss him more with each day that goes by.The pain is so raw,and at age of 33 none of the people I know have an idea of what I am going through and there are no words to describe the intensity of my pain.

He was such a fantastic person and we loved and adored each other, and life feels really empty without him. He was my friend, my lover, companion and we were really happy together. We both had a lot to look forward to and I feel we were both cheated of what could have a fantastic future together.

For a while, everything just felt like a really nasty nightmare and was hoping that it will all be over and I will have my James back.I went back to work 3 days after his funeral and carried on with work like before. I now think that "autopilot mode" has worn off and the reallness of my situation is very painful. Does the pain get any better?

Jessica

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Jessica, I'm so sorry for your loss. As you know from reading the posts on this site we are all sharing the losses and pain that we are going through. Some more recent like yours, some further down the road. I'm at 19 months and I can say that for "me" the pain is still a daily companion but it has changed from the early grief. Its not easier, just different. Grief has so many stages and each of us have our own unique time table. It will take time and you'll see improvement in the intensity after a while. Just take it slow and come here and share, that will help you more than anything. Deborah

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Jessica,

I offer you my condolences, I have lost my wife several months ago also, it has and still not easy to adjust to the loss at this time, however difficult it may be, there is a part of him in you always and forever, what you are experiencing is completely normal, I too walk around most of the time in a daze or extremely tired, allow yourself to feel what you experiencing and here is a open door always.

Truly,

William

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Jessica,

I am sorry you are going through this. Everything you described is how I feel, still, and it has been two years for me. I remarried, trying to fill that void, that empty pain and loneliness, but nothing seems to help. Noting stops the pain. I will say that throughout the grief journey, it eventually gets a little less intense and we adjust somewhat, although we still go through all of these feelings to some extent, we just learn to live with them, and we have our ups and downs. As was mentioned, we have our own timetables and our own ways of dealing with things. I can't say anything's really right or wrong, just our own ways. This site has saved my life, and many others. You are right, there are people here who understand, we've been through it, and we go through it together. It helps to make us not feel quite so alone. You say you feel cheated and you are, we all feel like that. It leaves us feeling powerless and like we don't have control over our own lives or destiny, but eventually we learn to counter that and somehow take control. It's not easy and it's not overnight but you will make it through this. We'll do it one day at a time and we'll do it together.

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Hi Jessica, I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your James. I lost my Josh on March 5, 2006; he was also killed in a car crash. I was 26 and he was 27. Yes, it is hard because no one our age understands, thankfully so because it is a miserable experience. I think 3 months after he died was one of the hardest times for me because I came out of being completely in shock. I know it may sound cliche but right now all you can do is survive each day. I even had to look at each day as 20 minute intervals to survive the overwhelming grief and pain. This site was exceptionally helpful for me as was reading books on grief, talking to a counselor, going to grief support groups, keeping a journal, talking to friends and family, especially Josh's mom. I felt I needed to face my grief face on and not avoid it. And because of that, now at almost 16 months, I feel alive again. But it is a very long, lonely, and painful road. It is nice to have company along the way sometimes, and we are here for you. Many hugs, Kelly

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Hi

Thanks for your kind words, it is reassuring to hear that you all have been through the similar experience and are here to provide comforting words. it is really difficult and some days are worse than others. Today has been really difficult, could not do anything but cry, I feel extremely exhausted and numb. My mom came over and it has been nice to have another person in the house.

Thanks

Jessica

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Jessica,

Hang in there ok? no matter how tough it is we are here for you, I know its hard for anyone outside to understand and have compassion, doesn't help but here is a refuge of sorts, Take care and let us know how you are doing,

William

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