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it has been 8 months hrd to believe and go on .I went to visit the new doctor .He is anice man and advised me to ceep a diary of my every day feelings I did not do much of talking Iv spend the counceling time crying.MY son told me today that im angry with life .IM desperate with with life that is left for me to be alone I weel tray to go tommorow to our dreams summer house I dont know if i will stay or run away.Nightmares are chasing me .I mss his voice imiss his hug imiss heskiss imiss our LOVE. Please forgive my english .Ihope you understand. TENY

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Don't you worry, Teny....we understand your English! I am so sorry that you are not doing better. You DO need to start taking care of yourself. YOU are what matters and I'm sure your son wants you to, too. I am sure that you are angry - I think we all are, but since we ARE the ones left here, we need to do all we can to go on and take care of ourselves.

My Charlie has been gone a little over 2 1/2 years(so hard to believe!) and I am really trying to focus on myself. He would want that - he's ALWAYS wanted for me to do that, but I'm just now starting to see that that is what I need to do. No one else is going to take care of us, so I'm afraid we are on our own. Your husband wants that for you too!!!! He would not want you to be suffering so much. He loved you and wants you to take care of yourself. I hope keeping a diary will help you.

Keep posting here and we will ALL help you through this rough journey.

Hugs to you, Teny.

Patti

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Teny,

We understand you just fine. You may very well BE angry, that is very much a part of the grieving process. It's something that takes time to work through. I think it will be a help to you to keep a diary or journal. It's important to get your feelings out, express how you feel. It's part of the recognizing what is going on inside of yourself, being in tune with yourself. I remember another thing I did that helped me back in the earlier time of losing George...I couldn't sleep and I got up and I did an art collage of my feelings at the time and another art collage of what I WANTED life to be like. It helped me see a point A and a point B, to give me direction on where I wanted to go from there, something to work towards. I will try to scan them and see if they will upload into here for you to see what I am talking about. You can see the broken heart and drops of blood, along with the dismal colors and bad feelings. On the other one you see sunshiny colors and good feelings. The important thing is to not bottle up your feelings, to recognize they are valid and they count, that you are important. We are all pulling for you![attachmentid=135]

Here is the second part to that.

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post-914-1183753855_thumb.jpg

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Another thing I did is create a list of what I was to George and a list of what I was to him. This helped me to see clearly WHY I was so impacted by his death, that my feelings are completely normal and understandable.

Edited by kayc
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