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Even The Small Things Make A Difference


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Hi All,

I want to add this because I have not gone through any really large steps when dealing with my grief but I have done several little steps but figuring they are just little steps not accepting that I have done anything is easy to do... Like yesterday when I returned to my old job and visiting with my old boss I just think that they are little steps and so I really do not consider them accomplishments at all... Things I would consider big accomplishments would be moving out on my own, deciding that it is time to do something with my parent's ashes and learning to be the new me I am suppose to be... What do you all think... Am I crazy for thinking this way.... Shelley

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Shelley, remember the famous line attributed to Lau Tzu and Confucius:

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Whenever I remember this saying, I think of the cartoon I once saw that shows a wise old man in a long robe, leaning on his walking stick, standing next to a young boy with a knap-sack on his back. They're both gazing at the huge mountain that looms before them in the distance, and the old man is speaking to the boy. The caption reads, "A journey of a thousand miles often begins with the realization that a thousand miles is a heck of a long journey."

The simple fact of the matter is that the only way to get from where you've been to where you want to go is by mustering the courage to begin, and then to take one small step at a time. Eventually, all those small steps add up to a whole lot of movement. Shell is right; it does not matter how big your steps, as long as you keep moving forward.

This writer uses another analogy:

Think of a car driving through the night. The headlights only go a hundred to two hundred feet forward, and you can make it all the way from California to New York driving through the dark, because all you have to see is the next two hundred feet. And that’s how life tends to unfold before us. If we just trust that the next two hundred feet will unfold after that, and the next two hundred feet will unfold after that, your life will keep unfolding. And it will eventually get you to the destination of whatever it is you truly want, because you want it.

– Jack Canfield, in The Secret, p. 57

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Hi Shell and Marty T,

Thank you both for your kindness and support, I think that some of the reasons I can not think I have accomplished anything is that I am doing this on my own and really do not have anyone here to share things that I am going through with... I know that people say you should not do it alone but I really did not have much choice... I work some many hours a day I have no time time to see a professional about any help... You see I do not drive and I will never drive so that is the way it has to be.... Thanks to this website and to all of you I am receiving some valuable help that I need and I think that is some of the reason I am slower with my grief too... Thanks again to you both for the help Take care Shelley

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Shelley,

I think it's pretty common for someone to "go it alone", I know I am too. Other people in our lives move on and we are left alone to deal with what we have no instruction manual for. There are lots of books out there but I seem to have lost my ability to focus on reading. This site is about all I have. There is a counselor in my tiny little town but I don't care for him at all, and I don't wish to drive any more than I have to (I commute enough) nor do I have any money for anything I don't absolutely have to pay for, I have been left pretty destitute. I talk to my family when I really need to but try to save it for those times I'm really needing it...you guys get the rest of it.

I think sometimes that we don't recognize how far we've come, our steps ARE small so we think of them as insignificatnt because we expect so much of ourselves. Instead we need to look back and see where we have come and give ourselves credit. This has been a very hard experience, it is deserving of our recognition, even if only our own applaud.

You are doing fine Shelley, give yourself credit for just how well you ARE doing!

Your friend,

KayC

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Shelley, I'm new to this forum, so I hope you don't mind me answering this topic. Everything we do in life requires us to take those first small steps before we can take the really big ones. Sometimes we never even have to take big steps--just a whole lot more small ones.

I've found it helpful when I'm procrastinating or stuck to not look too far ahead--to break it down into small, achievable steps--and then to take just one. And then take another one. If you look too far ahead to where you'd like to be, it can be overwhelming. But if you look at just that one little thing you'd like to accomplish today, it's not so frightening.

Right after my daughter died, I couldn't seem to do anything. So each day I would set a couple of small goals: call the bank, send a letter to oneof her creditors. By not putting too many things on the list I was able to work up the energy to do those little things. After a week of so of doing a couple little things each day I had done quite a lot of what needed to be done.

Maybe you could choose one small step each week.

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Hi Chandrasmom,

Thanks for your reply, and I think I am going to set things into smaller steps and try to do more small steps than bigger ones that I find harder to handle... Take care Shelley

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Chandrasmom is right, just take a few steps at a time. When my dad died I tried to do everything at once, so to speak, and I felt totally overwhelmed. Since my mom has passed, I started trying to do it all over again, but finally realized I had to slow down and take it a little at a time. I have to pace myself. At times like these, we just can't handle too much at once, and we don't have to.

Hugs,

Shell

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  • 3 months later...

Hi Shell,

I have tried to slow down and not worry so much if things are not done right away... I just feel like I am trapped in a big spider's web sometimes and the harder I try the deeper I slip into the web... Take care Shelley

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Shelley,

A spiders web...very accurate description. I keep faling back into the do, do, do mode and having to remind myself to slow down. I get overloaded and exhausted and overwhelmed and then I finally take a deep breath and say, pace yourself Shell. In fact the last couple of weeks has been crazy and I was going to start back into it this week and I decided to do what I have to next week and take some time for myself (besides all the stuff that HAS to be done!) this week. So take at least a day and go do something just for you. You are allowed and deserve it!

Hugs,

Shell

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  • 4 months later...

hi all

i have thought of this for a long time and decided to go to las vegas this spring... i will do this with my sister and some of her friends... i just feel that eventhough i will be sad for some of this i need to do this.. the next goal i have set for myself is to find a part time job outside of the house maybe some where like blockbuster... take care shelley

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Hi All,

I just wanted to send this message tonight as i sit awake and not able to sleep... I feel that i need to go to Las Vegas where i lost my mom but every night i try to sleep i only see the hospital room and remember the nightmare i went through while i was down there and end up sitting up crying very hard till i finally fall asleep... i know i should be farther ahead but i just think now it is a mistake maybe i should not return there ever again... shelley

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