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STARKISS

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Hi All,

I do not know if people know that I had to quit going to see my grief counsellor last year because my dad's first anniversary of his death... I have managed to make it this far without anyone to talk to except the website family but now I living to regret going to the counsellor I have some much bottle up that I do not know if it is all grief stuff or personal stuff anymore... I just do not know how arrange to go and see the person I was seeing without having time and away to get there... My sister thinks I am just crazy and does not want to hear anything else about it from me.... I can not live on my own because I just do not make enough money to do so so here I am going crazy and not just saying it but actually going crazy.... Please Pray for me.... Shelley

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Shelley,

I don't know if this will help, but try going somewhere where you can talk and no one can hear you. Talk out loud to yourself...just say whatever you want to. Cry, yell, scream, blame, get out all the feelings you have bottled up inside. I am alone for most of the day and I talk like this a lot. I talk to my mom and dad, and others who have passed too. I also talk to myself about myself! But in doing so, I have come to understand some of my feelings and have ended up feeling better most of the time. It's really nice to have feedback, but if it's not available, you have to give yourself some feeedback. Sometimes just saying something out loud helps a lot, even if you're the only one there to hear it!

Hang in there,

Hugs,

Shell

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Hi Shell,

Thanks for the ideals but I already talk out loud when I am all alone... It does help but I feel I just need that someone to share with what I am feeling... I think if I could just find someone I would be a whole lot happier than I am right now...Thanks for the reply, Take care Shelley

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I also had so much background info I felt overwhelmed where to start,especially since there are time constraints, but it's needed because it gives understanding to our feelings now. Here's what I learned to do:

I give a brief overview of a few highlights that connect to my feelings now. I explain that I realize there are time constraints, but this might help you to understand how I feel now. Then I talk about the biggest feelings I'm having right now, so immediate counseling to help me can start. I think they know things are complicated. You can go back to the background that connects to more feelings next time. Break it down into smaller parts.

I've learned in life that breaking anything down into smaller parts makes things managable, whether its' cleaning a house , doing paper work, or managing your life. Each time you get a part done is one part less to do. Before you know it, its' all done or is on a managable track.

Don't expect what you can't get from your sister. If her responses can't give you what you need at this time, call your counselor and explain your situation on the phone. Something may be able to be worked out. What have you got to lose? Take care, because we do. Doublejo

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Hi Shelley,

You said, “I just do not know how to arrange to go and see the person I was seeing without having time and a way to get there... My sister thinks I am just crazy and does not want to hear anything else about it from me....”

If I understand you correctly, you want very much to go back to see your grief counselor, but the primary concerns are making the time to do so, and finding a way to get there. Since you are dependent on your sister for transportation, you’re also faced with having to convince your sister of the importance of your returning to counseling at this time.

I’m reminded of a wonderful article by our good friend Peggy Haymes, entitled Top Ten Reasons for Avoiding Counseling. In hopes that it will encourage you to trust your instincts and do what you need to do to take good care of your own mental health ~ and in hopes that it may help you “make your case” with your sister ~ you'll find Peggy's list here: Are You Reluctant to Seek Grief Counseling? You might also consider printing out the article and giving it to your sister to read as well.

 

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Hi Marty T,

I just got off the phone with the lady I was seeing and she told me that they have phone appointments twice a day for one hour time frames and the cost is the same... So because she is not just a grief counsellor she has helped me learn some good techniques about becoming more independent that I am able to set up one phone appointment twice a week to begin with and than as time goes by I maybe limit it to once a week... Thanks for caring and I will keep you informed about what happens... Take care Shelley

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Thanks Everyone,

We will soon see if this works, Because of my problems not all being grief related I think she is a good match for me... My first call appointment is Tuesday of next week... Take care Shelley

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Shelley,

I'm so glad you're working on the inner emotional problems, and not just the grief related ones. That's a great step! I think grief can definitely bring up other problems too, maybe that we haven't faced. Makes you think about your whole life. I know it did for me and I thought a lot about different phases of my life, but it was good in the end to hash it all out in my mind! So I think this is a wonderful opportunity for you. Good luck!

Hugs,

Shell

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Hi Shell,

Thank you for your kindness and encouragement... I know that in time I should be the way God wants me to be.... Take care Shelley

Hi Marty T,

It is you who have made me realize that I was so dependent on my parents and now they are gone I have transferred the depence onto my sister... This will be away of sorting things out and becoming a new me in the end of it... Thanks for caring Shelley

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