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Hi everybody, it's been a while since I've been here. June 18 was the first anniversary of Rick's death and Aug 15 will be the second for my mom. I was wondering if any of you have read The Secret?? This book has made an amazing difference in my life and how I now look at things. The Secret is about the universal Law of Attraction - if you think in a negative way that is what you recieve back from the universe and if you think in a positive way and are grateful for what you have and what you will have you recieve postive thoughts and experiences back. I think that the Law of Attraction first tried to come into my life in Dec when a friend gave me a gratitude rock - you are supposed to keep the rock in your pocket and when you touch it during the day or when removing it from your pocket it reminds you to be grateful for something in your life. At that time I was grateful for nothing - we were facing our first Christmas without Rick, I was so lonely, wondered why I was still living, crying all the time - things were very dark. I thought it was a nice thought but put it away in a drawer and felt I had no use for it. Then in Feb this book was featured on Oprah - I was watching it but not absorbing what I was watching and vaguely remembered the title or the show when my sister purchased the book for me for my birthday in May. She had not read it but had heard about it and gave it to me almost apologetically, thinking maybe it would do me some good. I thanked her but thought I would probably never read it but I started to look at it when I got home and I read the whole thing in one night - pretty good as I haven't been able to concentrate to read for 2 years. It started to completely change the way I was looking at things. I realized that I probably hadn't had a positive thought in 2 years, so when I knew I was feeling sad and lonely I instead shifted my thinking to Rick and how grateful I was to have had him in my life for 40 years and began to be thankful for all the good memories instead of concentrating on the bad stuff. Pretty soon I noticed that I was using this more and more and my life was becoming brighter and brighter, more good thoughts kept coming to me. I never knew that my thoughts and feelings were so powerful, that I was the one writing the pages in my life's book. I realized that there was indeed a life waiting for me to live and enjoy - I feel so empowered, that I CAN do anything, BE anything or Have anything in this life that I want, if I continue to live positively and continue to be grateful for the things I have, did have and will have. I can't believe I am writing this to you, I never thought I would work my way through this difficult grief process, I never , never thought I would be able to say I FEEL good about my life again. This does not mean that I don't miss Rick and the life we could have had , I love him more than ever and am not looking for another to "replace" him with, it just means that I can shift my thinking now from negative to positive and be happy once again and enjoy all the world has to offer. My other sister read this at both my mom and Rick's service but it means so much more to me know that I finally understand:

You can shed tears that he is gone

Or you can smile because he has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back

Or you can open your eyes and see all he's left

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him

Or you can be full of the love you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember him and only that he's gone

Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

Or you can do what he'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on

I know that I will one day be with him again, and I know he wouldn't want me to be the way I have been for the past year - he wants me to live my life to the fullest and with God's help (to me the universe is God) that's what I'll be doing. Hope something in this can help all who are hurting as I was love Jane

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Holy Crow, Jane! I can't believe what you just wrote, as I was JUST mentioning this in my last post (on the Pet Loss forum)!!....and wondering how to effectively work this Law into my grieving! Here, right before our very eyes, is a prime example of the Law at work, eh?!?! It's almost comical, it's so uncanny! I was just about to get going after posting, and checked the board quickly first.....amazing! I'd definitely like to chat about this whole idea more with you, since you'd know what I was talking about, but it will, unfortunately, have to wait, as I'm preparing for a trip and have tons left to do yet (and I spent my allotted time posting for today already). But I do get your points, and will be keeping them in mind, as I've been having trouble both grieving AND trying to work these principles into my grief work at the same time. I, too, though, have had some very positive results from The Secret (we have both the book and the video, and I read a part of the book every night before bed, just to stay sane), although often they've been in areas I've simply relaxed more about....like finances, etc. I've actually known about the Law for a few years, but wasn't very clear on just how to use it, so was very grateful to the makers of The Secret for 'compiling' a lot of the info. Absolutely EVERYONE on the whole planet should know about these principles, even IF they stumble with their 'mechanics'. They've validated SO much of what I'd come to believe personally, and read about, through the last decade or so. I find them especially useful for my scientific side, as it marries so beautifully with my spiritual beliefs, though I already knew that quantum physics had come to support those beliefs in the last 40 years, thereabouts.

So GREAT topic! Thanks kindly! And can't wait to be a part of this discussion, whenever I can manage it! Lovely poem, too, although I still resist a lot of the content....but at least I'm aware of that resistance... ;)

Oh, and I just noticed you're from Kenora! How's good, ol' Lake of The Woods? I had some friends in my youth who had summer cabins there, so went out there once in awhile - I'm from MB originally....geez, I miss all that water! Anyway, "hi" from a fellow Cdn.!

Edited by Maylissa
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Wow! That is an interesting thought. I hadn't heard of that book and don't have t.v. But I do think there is a lot to be said for positive focus and I don't believe we should remain "victims" but empower ourselves. We are responsible for our own lives. That doesn't mean we'll never have a "down" time, but rather that we won't let ourselves stay in it, but will pull ourselves up by our boot straps and keep going. Depression is a hard thing to fight though, I'm not sure positive thinking is always enough to combat it. But even if someone recognizes their need for medication or counseling, still, that is doing a positive thing and not remaining impotent in their lives. Thanks for sharing that.

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KayC....I'm taking a break from my home business, courtroom transcription, and wanted to know how you're doing. You were having a tough time here lately and I hope it's going better. You might want to pick up that book, Secret. It's got a lot of good things in it. And, also, Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Life. Lots of good reading there. Take care and I hope you're feeling better.

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Missing Rick,

Yes yes yes - I've read the book and its wonderful. Thanks for bringing it to everyones attention. I've been trying to carry a rock in my pocket ever since I read the book to remind myself about all the things in life to be greatful for. Its a wonderful book and a marvelous way to move through life - plus such good advise for those of us who have lost our mates.

Thanks for sharing,

John - Dusky is my handle on here

Love you Jack

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I am not as positive about The Secret as most people are here. But then again I am not a positive person and I know that doesn't help.

My adult daughter loaned me her copy of the book and after I read this quote I was going to take it right back to her:

"The only reason any person does not have enough money is because they are blocking money from coming to them with their thoughts...If you do not have enough, it is because you are stopping the flow of money coming to you, and you are doing that with your thoughts." - So there is no way I will ever have enough money!

I wish I had stopped reading at that point, but no - I just had to continue to read the SECRET about Health! Bad mistake on my part!- just about 28 months too late for me!!

Apparently if I had been more positive after Jean's terminal cancer diagnosis she would still be here today!

"Disease is held in the body by thought, by observation of the illness, and by the attention given to the illness. If you are feeling a little unwell, don't talk about it - unless you want more of it. If you listen to people talk about their illness, you add energy to their illness. Instead, change the conversation to good things, and give powerful thoughts to seeing those people in health."

I seriously do believe that one reason that my wife lived for over 3 months after her diagnosis of terminal cancer was her positive attitude. Perhaps if her negative husband had been more positive and told her she would get better, and believed it, things would have turned out differently.

I do recommend the book to those who still have some good reason for living, but for me, and unfortunately for Jean, it was just too late. :(:(

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After checking in quickly here and reading your reaction to The Secret, Walt, I had to make some time to reply tonight, as I fully empathize with the problem you have with the entire health concept. I've had the same reactions myself and in fact, this is the area that's the hardest for me to handle as well.

Sad (and glad, depending) to say, I actually have seen these principles at play, as claimed, in both myself with my own physical problems through the years, and with my own loved ones who were ill with different conditions and who did improve when I changed my thinking for as long as I could keep it up (not long enough! :( ), but who have since all crossed over. And so, I still believe that the principles are true. However, I also feel we can't really blame ourselves for not getting them down perfectly, even if we knew about them beforehand, as I indeed, did. Since we didn't exactly grow up with these concepts firmly entrenched, we can hardly be blamed for not being able to utilize them at a moment's notice and sustain them for as long as it may take. And of course, in your case, you weren't even aware of them when your dear wife took ill, and as so many of us must learn, we shouldn't place blame on ourselves for not knowing what we simply didn't know at the time. But I do realize all too well how we heap all the responsibility upon ourselves for any harm coming to our loved ones, even if that's not the complete picture, or isn't fair to ourselves.

As for those like me, who did already have an inkling, even then, it can be a gargantuan effort to try to rid oneself of a lifetime's worth of completely opposite, different and more 'earthly' thinking, even when one truly wants to, needs to....must! I tried to do just that, and failed when it really counted, despite having had great success with 'smaller' health problems. So, if I like, I can choose to blame myself.... TWICE! Once, for not being positive enough even in the normal sense, and again for already knowing about these powerful ideas but failing at them anyway! And in my weaker moments, I certainly do, but I try not to stay in that mode for long. I couldn't eliminate all my fears, I couldn't STAY positive every minute of every day when I was so worried. My natural reactions were fear and depression and although I tried to fight them, I couldn't block them out completely. I think it takes truly remarkable, incredibly strong willpower, and practise!, to do this and although there are those who manage it and survive the most depressing diagnoses, most of us find it far more challenging, especially in the face of diseases or conditions that are constantly being made to seem all the more fearful from almost every sector in the news today.

But I choose not to blame myself for nothing worse than living in the 'wrong' times, when ideas like this Law were NOT the norm, or for being a fairly normal person, with fairly average fear-based reactions. I might as well blame the moon for shining. We all did the best we could with what we knew &/or could handle at any given time. And we also have to try and forgive ourselves for simply being 'conditioned' to think the way we have, in this case.

And now that the worst has already happened, I choose to try my best to apply these principles to whatever areas I'm capable of applying them to at any given time, faltering many times, but still trying to push that envelope. They still give me hope....hope that I can learn to use them in conjunction with everything else I've been exposed to so far, and since then, to every new concept I might be open to in future, in order to effect some miracles in any way, shape or form, that might be available....if I only try hard enough and long enough. I have seen what I consider to be miracles before, from 'tiny' ones, to 'bigger' ones, but miracles all, to my mind. Perhaps the only one I'll ever effect is peace of mind (and that would be a miracle, for me!), but even one is better than none, I think, and perhaps that's the only one I'd truly need, rather than the ones I really want. (but I still want what I want, so far and I'm still working on those!)

But PLEASE, PLEASE don't blame yourself just for being, well, at least part human, in an energy-based body! Even had you known about such things beforehand, it may not have been possible to convince yourself wholly enough to have made a difference. We may be perfect spiritually, but we certainly aren't in the human sense. I don't want to get all religious here, as I don't even know your beliefs (and I'm not religious per se myself) but even Jesus said that death would be the last thing 'conquered'....and perhaps he really meant in our thoughts, where our power lies. And he also said we'd do even greater works than he did, but I assume, eventually, not overnight, and not w/o a whole lot of enlightening first! I know firsthand the angst such concepts can produce (live with them daily), but I'm sure your daughter hoped it would help you in some way. So in the same spirit in which it was most likely given, and understanding the way it has given rise to more pain for you, I will hold thoughts of healing and self-forgiveness FOR you and hope that might be of some help.

Edited by Maylissa
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I have read The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, I did a complete study on it, actually. That was before George died. I can't say as anything he said was really a new concept to me so I'm not sure I derived as much out of it as most people.

I believe in being positive, but I am also a realistic person that knows that sometimes that is not all that is involved. I understand fully what Walt is saying. There are bad things that happen to good people, yes, even positive people. It is not so much a question of what the outcome is, that we have to deal with in life, for life happens to all of us, but more a question of how we're going to deal with it. THAT is what I focus on, and take responsibility for.

Things are going better for me. Life is not as I planned it, but I am trying to take personal responsibility for ME by taking care of myself, reassessing things and basing my decisions accordingly, protecting myself, doing things to help ME be healthier physically, spiritually, emotionally. I have decided not to base everything on my husband, I need to be responsible for my own happiness and well being. Learning lessons a little too late...story of my life, but hey, I'm learning them! :D

Que Sara Sara!

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Maylissa - Thanks for taking the time last night to respond to my post! :)

I fully support the concept of the power of positive thinking that underlines the SECRET to good health!

My wife lived with progressive MS for over 20 years and although she did not read The Secret she never got discouraged by her increasing disabilities.

Even after she had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and "given" only weeks to live, she hung in for over 3 months.

She was proof of one's ability to overcome her diagnosis.

Unfortunately, those around her - including the Medical profession,and her husband, her best friend for over 40 years, did not have her same faith/belief.

I am looking at her picture in the hospital bed on February 14th, 2005 - by then she was supposed to be dead, according to her Doctors.

You would never know that she was concerned at that time! It was her daughter's birthday, and she had planned a surprise party for her in the Hospice lounge.

I truly hope that others will discover the secret before it is too late for them!

I don't see how the secret can help people like me, but I am sure that it can help many others who follow its principles with regard to HEALTH. There is plenty of scientific evidence that a positive attitude can lead to improved health and even "miraculous" cures. Unfortunately, I haven't read or heard yet of any human being returning from death. :(

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I am sorry, I didn't mean for you to doubt yourself or question whether your dear wife would have lived longer if you had been more positive. My mom was only given 6 weeks at diagnosis and Rick was never given a time frame because we didn't want to know but he was stage 4 at diagnosis and died 10 months later. I don't know that I believe that if I had been more positive that there could have been a different outcome for either of them. I am just grateful the The Secret has given me the ability to stop dwelling on all the bad feelings that I was having ( not even wanting to be alive) and has let me see the real possibilities that lie ahead for me, and wanted to share that with everyone in case it could be the same for someone else. It feels remarkable to not be searching for a dim light at the end of the tunnel, but to be standing outside of that tunnel, in the sunshine and appreciating the world around me again. I never thought I could feel this way again. Love Jane


I'd be glad to chat with you more about this when you can. I hope you have a great trip. Lake of the Woods is beautiful--the water was really low this spring but we have had plenty of rain and is perfect now. We have a camp on Queer Island - don't know if you ever were out that way. I struggled all year with going there but am able to now - just need to perfect my boat driving abilities??? love Jane

It really is a small world isn't it??

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... I realized that I probably hadn't had a positive thought in 2 years, so when I knew I was feeling sad and lonely I instead shifted my thinking to Rick and how grateful I was to have had him in my life for 40 years and began to be thankful for all the good memories instead of concentrating on the bad stuff. .... This does not mean that I don't miss Rick and the life we could have had , I love him more than ever and am not looking for another to "replace" him with, it just means that I can shift my thinking now from negative to positive and be happy once again and enjoy all the world has to offer...

(((Jane))) - 40 years is a long time and no doubt there are plenty of good memories to help you be happy once again.

I know that I also have many many more good memories than the few bad ones. And I do know that:

I have shed tears that she is gone and I smiled because she has lived.

I have turned my back on tomorrow and lived for only yesterday, but I want to be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

I can cherish her memory and let it live on. I will try to do what she'd want: smile, open my eyes, and go on.

I know that I will one day be with her again, and I know she doesn't want me to be the way I have been for the past two years - she wants me to live my life to the fullest.

Thanks for your words and thoughts Jane. There is no need for you to apologize for my negativity.

Instead, please let me say Thank You for starting this positive thread. :):)

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(Forgive me for interrupting, but I just feel a need to insert this thought ~ You dear, sweet people never cease to amaze me. You take such good care of one another. I am so proud of you, I treasure each and every one of you, and I love you all dearly :wub: )

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Thanks for that, Marty. I think we are all trying to help each other...

I actually bought the Secret some time ago and have yet to read it. I'm thinking that this is the perfect time to do that, tho, 'cause things have not been going well for me lately and I could certainly use some positive thinking!! Thanks "missing rick" for bringing it back to mind.

As they say, our destiny had been "written" long before we came "here", so I don't think that positive thinking would have changed any of our outcomes. I have to agree with Kayc that it probably would have helped us "deal" with the situation(or situations) better... Positive thinking sure couldn't hurt anyone, right?

I'll be back to THIS thread after I finish the book....

Hugs to all!! And let's think positive!


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I personally don't like the secret. i have alot of problems with it. i watched a interview on dateline i think on this book and it only confirmed how i felt about the book.

i think positive thinking is great but i think the author is a little wacky with her thinking. just my opinion . sorry

i did however like the purpose driven life by Rick Warren.


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HI Im Teny from greece .I just read about the book .Im feeling sad and lonely and I cant see a life waiting to live and enjoy .I only cry cry cry .Iwould like to find the book in greece .Can i order from the net?If you have any information please contact me.THANK YOU My far away friends.

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Hi Teny, your not far away to us my friend! About the book and it has a DVD, I'm sure you can order it from Amazon.com or if you just put in The Secret into Google search I'm sure there is lots of ways to order it. I would say that this isn't a book about grief in my opinion but it may be helpful in looking at life in a more positive way. But for me, thinking positive during this time wasn't of much help. Maybe you will find it helpful to you. I was thinking of you and I know you feel lost. I do too. There isn't a way around this grief, just go thru it. We are here listening and sharing. Deborah

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amazon.com has "The Secret" both in book form and on DVD, used and new.

The following is a link to it...


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