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KayC's description was so accurate. It is like bursts of erupting pain. I once had the perception of pain as like a funnel and the pain starts off big and slowly recedes as it heals. This is before I experienced a pain that was too big to handle in one hit. I think the pain is broken up into bursts so we can process it. I experienced posttraumatic shock after the death of my husband and that was weird. I was so out of myself that when I showered I felt like I was touching another person. When the pain came in it was like a bomb. I would struggle to breath with the intensity and then I would climb on top. Just when I thought I was getting a bit better BOOM another wave would hit me.

I felt I was back at the beginning of my grief every time this happened. At first the gaps are so close together you can’t see a progress and you feel like it is never going to end. I tried to focus on the increasing gap between major down times and looked to that for hope. Even though you feel like the grief is never going to end, what you are feeling will get a great deal better and better.

From the depths of my heart I want you all to know this. I assure you that in time it changes so much that you will be able to live happily again. You are not back to square on when this happens, you are moving through a process.

Your body and heart can only deal with so much pain at one time. Think of it like a filter and slowly the burst go through your system until you can finally adjust and cope with the reality and the loss.

I hope I have explained myself ok. I have hung around in here this week because I identify with all of you so well, particularly the members fighting to exist. Every part of me wants to reassure you that it does get better. I realize the hard part is the hours of thinking time. I would encourage you to not only pray but also find activities (anything you can think of) that break up the hours. Now is a great time to Asses who YOU are and what interests YOU. As a part of a couple we put many things on hold or aside so when something like this happens it can be a good time to pull out those things to fill up our time. It is not selfish, its survival. I know you wont feel like it at first but please try. It is still healthy to grieve but who wants that 24/7

When we loose ourselves we need to find ourselves again. Be kind to YOU and God Bless YOU heaps!


Edited by Gods Princess
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