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Help/advice Needed Please


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Hi all, first of all I want to say that this is a great site, I wish I'd never had to visit it, but its a wonderful concept filled with some good people.

My question is: It's been almost 2 months since my mom suddenly passed away (she was 49), and I am finding it difficult to think about her. I know that sounds fairly normal, but I have great trouble remembering any specific events or even thinking about what happened. It's like my brain just shuts down if I start to think about what happened. I just can't focus on it for very long. It's not as if I don't think about her (I talk to her constantly in my head), but I just can't think about what happened or about her when she was alive... If I try to I get a sudden rush of pain and lose my ability to focus on her. I feel awful because I feel as if I am doing her a great disservice by not remembering her very well.... I could keep rambling about it, but I think I've described it as best I can. So, is this denial? Or is it just a natural form of grief?

Thanks, J.

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I think you described it exactly right. I had never put into words the feelings I get when sometimes I can't think about my mom...but you did!

I almost panic, because it seems like I am trying to think about her or remember something and it's like it's blocked in my mind. Or there are days when a thought or memory come into my mind and it's too painful so I quickly block it myself and think of something else. So for me it goes 2 different ways, either something is blocking the thoughts or they are too painful and I block them. I am sorry I don't have anything helpful to say, just wanted you to know you are not alone in these feelings.

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CFH,

Let me first say how sorry I am for your loss. In some way or another, we've all experienced some kind of loss here. What your going through is perfectly normal. Right after my Mom died, I couldn't picture her in my mind yet I could picture my grandmother who passed 30 years ago. My counselor told me it's our brains way of kinda going to a safe zone. Let it absorb things a little at a time. Denial, confusion, exhaustion is all part of the journey. Sometimes I knew my Mom was gone. Others, I felt like she was on a vacation.

Give yourself time. You have a long road ahead of you. You've come to the right place. We are a family here.

Missing my Mom,

Trudy

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CFH,

I think Trudy hit on it. It's our minds way of "dealing" with it, even though it doesn't seem like we are dealing with it, but we are. Like you, I talk to my mom all the time, but sometimes I just can't believe she's actually gone. I'm so sorry for your loss and I think what you are going through is perfectly normal. Two months is not long at all. Just let your mind go wherever it goes and don't feel guilty or that you are doing her a disservice. You will be able to remember clearly when the time is right. Until then, hang in there and just be easy on yourself.

Hugs,

Shell

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