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Well Its been a few weeks since I been around, the weather here brings my moods to a halt, I been so tired and depressed, I still haven't found my happiness yet, and the problems still continue, the A/C went out friday and the landlords didn't get it fixed till monday, and now I am in bad terms with them with my legitimate demands, I may be paranoid but I think they are preying on me, After my wife passed they always call me about the rent check that I always send on the 3rd, its not my problem if the postal service cant send a piece of paper 5 miles. The memories here are too much sometimes, I tend to hear a disembodied female voice here alot, and now I desire to move, though the consensus is wait 6 months or so, but I can't afford the outrageous expenses alone. Well thats my rant for now...sorry :(

William

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William, don't be sorry for your "ranting". Don't you feel it's a good thing to have a place to go where others really understand things? I know it's been extremely hot in your area and has been here, too. My poor black Lab is panting away most of the time. I don't know if we're meant to find our "happiness"...maybe just get used to what we have and work for better....I don't know. It must be hard to have a landlord always after you even if you do what you should be doing....sometimes they do prey on certain people. When you can, maybe you can change your living situation. I won't do that because I have a home here and I'll probably be here for the rest of my life.....I hope. Jack and I do have a lot of memories here that I just so honestly love.

You just hang in there, try to get some exercise, eat the best you can, and look for some beautiful and good things to be around. You sound like a very caring person so just stay that way. Take care.

Your friend....KarenB :rolleyes:

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Karen,

Its always GOOD to read your messages, I do feel safe here, I am used to being "single" I try to make the most of it anyway I can, But I am planning on getting

a manufactured home now since the situation was the bite off the tip of my patience, the landlords are close to the category of slum, and it never gets better, I agree a change of place and area will do me a bit of good, might be a bit soon for 4 months but I don't know, I can't see myself giving the jerks anymore of my money!

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Stallyn,

I know that it is generally said to wait 6 months to a year before any changes are made, however with you renting in my opinion changes a lot. This is a house that you are renting and not owning, a lot of us own our homes and it is more difficult to change that than when you are renting. If you are having trouble with expenses then to make things a little easier on yourself then see if you can find a cheaper place. I think that will give you more time to concentrate on your grief recovery and less time focusing on expenses.

Derek

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I got the memories also which daily seem to haunt me more so, the rent is not bad but the electricity in here is $265 for 1K Sq F! and the senseless landlord argues with me about it being "comparable to other apts of my type" I wish I could stay here but I can't keep thinking of wasting my proceeds to these who hahs, you are right, I have NOT been dealing with my grief for awhile, things seem always to get in the way.

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Stallyn,

I agree that it might be time for you to find another place to live, more in line with your budget, more stress-free landlord-wise. I lived in Phoenix a few months and moved back to Oregon because I couldn't take the heat, I don't know how one could bear it there without air conditioning or a cooler. It's HOT!

I'm not sure we find "happy", although if anyone does, I'm so glad for them. But getting used to our circumstances is a big adjustment and to be worked for. I am starting to get a little more used to living alone and it's been two years for me. I still miss George, I always will. I've come to the conclusion that what we had was very, very special and rare and will never be again, I was lucky to have it once, lucky to have had it at all. I am trying to learn to appreciate what I do have and be content. It's not what I wanted, I wanted so much more, someone to share it with, someone to have reciprocal caring with, someone to lend it all meaning...but I am trying to learn to value myself and to depend on myself and appreciate that it is all good even if just for me. Does that make any sense? I get scared sometimes, I feel alone most of the time, but I am trying to learn contentment. This is what I should have done before hopping into a relationship with someone else...a relationship that has cost me dearly and has not been what I hoped for or thought. I am leaving the future up to tomorrow, the Gods, fate, whatever, and living in today. Today I have a job to go to, animals to take care of, a home awaiting me, a dinner to fix for myself, and cards to make if I have time. That is my life TODAY. I don't know if I'll see my husband this weekend, I don't know if we'll be married next year, I don't know if I'll spend my life alone, I don't know where I'll be living in the future or if I'll have my job three months from now, I don't know if I'll make ends meet or be able to afford the home repairs that will be needed down the road. I can find a million things to worry about if I choose to, but right now, today, I am trying to live in TODAY.

Make what decisions make your life easier and try to be happy. We care about you and understand.

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Kay,

I know what you are saying, I learned the heat exacerbates the grief process, today I had a session with my counselor and I completely lost it, warped back into 4 months ago, I feel desperately lonely too, I don't have much to do with anything anymore and yet to find my purpose now, I somewhat adjusted to being alone and its not as bad as it was before, I would like to settle down eventually but waiting is the key right now, I am trying to renew my faith as it is the only thing that will save me from my own demise. I know things are working out for you, you are immensely strong in your life and it is encouraging to me, to know you and others showing me that I make a difference and loved. I thank the Lord in heaven for that.

Blessings,

William

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Stallyn,

Things are working out for me as far as I know but it takes tremendous effort and strength and it has been a very arduous process. I wish you the best, I really mean that, I wish that for all of us. We've all been through so much. Just be understanding of yourself and full of grace towards yourself for those "lose it" days. -_-

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Kayc,

I know this has been the most difficult 4 months for me too, always a up/down situation, staying alive in once piece is challenging, it feels like a limb was lost. Thanks for your faith,

Truly,

William

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