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I know and feel your broken heart. I don't know how to handle it except for how I've done it. At first I cried and cried and cried. My husband died June 19, 2005 (Father's Day) and I don't even remember that first summer. I was in shock. I remember talking on the phone, writing on this site, writing letters to him on the computer (I still do occasionally). At first I was busy making calls, tending to business, arranging his memorial service, pictures, stuff like that. Then one day everyone was gone, the service was over, and I didn't know how to do my life. That's when the hard part started. Having to get groceries without him there. Having to do weekends alone. I must say, it's taken me all this time to get any better at it at all. I will say this: It does not stay at the level of intensity that you are at right now, it takes time, but it does gradually get better, so there is that hope. Eventually, if you work hard at it, you will rebuild some kind of a life for yourself. It won't ever be the same, it's a dream you have to let go of, but you learn to live with your memories to sustain you and build some kind of a new life. I know it's hard to conceive of, but it will eventually happen.

I wish you a better weekend.

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