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Hi

This is the first time online. My name is Gail and I lost my husband Bruce 6 months ago yesterday. We were married 30 years. There are days that I don't think that I can do it one more day without him. We have three grown kids and it's so hard to try and keep a smile on my face when all I want to do is to just go and bed and never get back up. My husband and I went when we were young I was 17 and he was 22 and where married with in 10 months. I am so sad all I do is cry and everyone keeps telling me that it will get easier but I think that it is getting harder. Please someone help me to understand why this had to happen to us.

Gail

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Hi Gail,

I'm so sorry you lost that person so special to you. You were married a long time and I know how difficult it is. As you'll see from the people who will answer you here, we do know what it's like and it's so good to talk with people who really understand what you're going through. Six months is a short amount of time for this grieving process. There are so many emotions and feelings in this journey and, believe me, it is a journey. You need to take care of yourself, try and surround yourself with caring people, let the emotions happen as they will. My husband has been gone two years now and I still have "melt downs" where I so terribly miss him so the journey is a long one and different for everybody. I'm glad you have children to help you through this and don't think you always have to smile through those tears. You are allowed your feelings. Please take care of yourself and let us know how you're doing.

KarenB

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Hi, I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. We do know how hard it is and we try to listen and support each other thru the many phases of grief. It is a long and sad journey and if you were to read my posts, I have fought it every step of the way. Some adjust earlier than others but each of us has to grieve in our own way and time. You had a long marriage filled with lots of memories and it will take time. It is hard and it will change in different ways as time goes on. From my experience, it did feel harder after six months, I think because the reality of the loss begins to be real. Share your feelings and struggles and ask questions from any of us, we will be glad to share how we have managed to deal with the loss. Deborah

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My dear Gail,

Unfortunately none of us know why things like this had to happen to us, it is part of life. You said that is seems like it is getting harder rather than easier. During the begining I believe our minds tend to shelter us from the full realization of what has happened so we go through the first months kind of numb to everything. After awhile everything starts to come together, we start realizing that this isn't a dream it is reailty. This is when it starts to feel worse instead of better. If you have done any reading on this board you will have read that this is like a roller coaster you will have your ups and then downs as time goes on the downs don't seem as deep and te time between the downs gets longer and longer. Just remember, each of us are different and will experience grief in our own way and will recover in our own time frame. Just keep coming here and posting there will always be someone here to help.

Love Always

Derek

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dear GAIL IM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS .IT HAS BEEN 9 MONTHS FOR ME AND I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL .HAVING KIDS TO LOOK AFTER WILL KEEP YOU GOING.ILIVE FAR AWAY IN GREECE AND HAVING NO SOPPORT HERE IFOUND AGREAT HELP FRM THIS SITE .CONECTING WITH PEOPLE THAT ARE GOING THROUHG THE SAME PAIN HELPS A LOT .IDONT REALY KNOW WHY GOD SEPARATES LOVING COUPLES .I KEEP ASKING EVERY DAY .I WISH YOU FIND SOME STRENGTH. TENY

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I am so sorry you lost your husband. I echo the responses that have already been written here. I don't think there are answers as to "why" and it's probably futile to ask, but the important thing is learning to get through it. It does take time and eventually gets a little better, but it takes a lot of work to "grieve" and get through the process. You are entitled to your feelings and there is no particular time table. Just learn to be very very understanding of yourself and treat yourself with special care. Please come on line here anytime just to get your feelings out, we all understand are care about what each other go through.

Your new friends...

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