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Friends Dont Understand


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A friend called me to say hellow and starting complaning about her broblems loosing her credit card having to by new shoes having to get up early for her vacation.I felt like crying and Iwanted to tell her how luky she is to have her husband and this kind of broblems.I feel so emty and lonely especialy the weekend and I realy wish Ihad alot of other problems if only Icould have MY Yiany with me.I miss him so much I never thought THAT UNTIL DEATH DO US PART will feel that way it hurts hurts hurts. TENY

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Teny,

My heart goes out to you. I completely understand what you are feeling. You almost have to look back before the death to get some understanding. To your friends who are still married, those are the things that make up their lives, the little things or inconviences of everyday life. That is all they know. We were the same way before the death of our loved ones we didn't know how to handle things when someone we knew lost a loved one. When talking with those friends, we either listened or tried to talk about the everyday things going on in our lives. We didn't understand what the person was going through. Now as far as wishing you had a lot more problems to occupy your time. Be careful what you wish for. When Karen died, I did have a lot of other problems to think about. I had to file bankruptacy because I couldn't afford to pay all of the bills, my house needed a lot of repairs, I had a child to take care of. These things occupied a ton of my time and I wasn't able to truly grieve. As time went on and these things settled down, that is when it really hit me, and I had to feel the feeling I didn't want to feel in order to recover and be able to go on with my life. Now I know that you are further along in life than I am, but you can still go on with life, I am sure Yiany would want it that way. I envy any one who can allow themselves to feel those hard feelings in the begining. I ran from those feelings by filling my life with as much as I possibly could. I am sure my health suffered because of it. I litterly worked my self until I almost passed out. Looking back today I wish I had just let all of the small problems wait and just had taken time for myself and my son. Instaed I didn't want to face it so I made my self busy and didn't pay attention to myself and didn't spend that much quaility time with my son as well. Teny, feel your feelings, let them come in the long run you will be better for it. The sooner you can get through those feelings the sooner you can start to feel better. I hope that this helps in some way, I am still praying for you.

Love always

Derek

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Teny, My heart goes out to you. Your grief is still so new, so fresh, the rest of us grieve too but we are more accustomed to it, having been at it longer. I loved my George like you loved your Yiani, and it is a very hard thing to lose someone who was so much to you. It affects every avenue of our lives. A part of me will never recover, while another part of me has had to be strong and go on. Most of the time I feel I am doing better than I was two years ago, one year ago, but all the same, I have my meltdowns, my days, or weeks. It is true, what Derek wrote, people don't know anything except for what they have experienced...to them, those little everyday problems are their life, they can't comprehend what you've already learned and we know, that your perspective is forever altered when something of this magnitude takes place. Some days I want to lie down and never wake up, but someday, my kids will get married and I want to be there to see it. Someday I will have a grandchild and I want to know him or her. Someday, just maybe, I will adjust a little better and maybe build some kind of life with actual enjoyment, and I don't want to miss that. It seems like I've lost my purpoe, yet if I ceased to exist, who would my sister call, who would my daughter turn to, who would my son count on? My boss, he'd find someone else to fill my shoes, but my family, they would not. It is our family and close friends that matter. I feel like I don't have any real friends any more, and that is too bad, I'd like some. My best friend Cheryl hasn't returned my phone calls or emails in about 2 months. My friend Virgie spaces out and forgets me. But her life is very full right now. If ever she loses her husband, that will all change, just as it did for me. And if and when that happens, I want to be there for her. They've had their scares, he was in the hospital when my George died, and he's been back many times. The point is, we feel we've lost our purpose, but if we were no more, the world would notice and miss us. My John may not miss me as I do him or love me the same as I love him, but if I ceased to exist, he would notice, as I am probably the only one in the world that truly cares about him. We do have purpose, even when we don't think so. Hang in there, Teny, it will get better...three steps forward, one step backwards, and a day at a time. You are in our thoughts and prayers and on our hearts.

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I THANK you for answering so many times to my gread sorrow By saying that Iwould prefer to have a lot of broblems and have Yiany .I meant that I could face every thng by having Yiany.YOUr FRIEND from far away TENY

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I agree with you on that one, I would also prefer to have Karen with me to face the problems that have occured, it would have made things easier. At the same time though I am glad she didn't have to go through them. It is kind of one of thse deals that is like a double edge sword. No mater which way there still would have been some difficulty. Hope things are doing a little better for you

Love always

Derek

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Yes Teny, I understood what you meant...I know so well...we could face anything a whole lot easier if only we had them with us to face it with.

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