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It's been not a bad wekend until today. I went to church this morning and then went to Bruce's grave to put some flowers like I do every Sunday and it has gone down hill ever since. My sister had us by that I mean all her family my kids my mom and dad brother sister-in-law and their kids over for a bar-b-que and a swim in their pool all so going not to bad until the kids started throwing each other into the pool and all I could was my husband as he just loved doing stuff like that. I had to get my daughter to take me because I started to cry . I miss Bruce so much I heart aches. It's 6 1/2 months and I think it hurts more each day. When will this pain STOP. Sometimes I feel like I am making everyone uncomfortable and then I feel like crap. Sometimes I feel like just climbing into my bed and just staying there. God I hope that I sleep tonight I'm so tired.I feel like there is a black cloud hanging over my head. is this part of how everyone feels when they loss their husband?

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I think we all feel that black cloud here and there. It's been two years now since my husband died and I'm certainly not the same person I was before. I have a new "normal" to deal with. At church I sit alone (I don't have to) and that's just fine because that's what I like. I have some wonderful friends and my children (who are grown now) I just love, but life is so much different now. The really hard part is the evening and night. I am retired and my wonderful, loving companion is my black Lab, Sadie. She needs caring for and that helps. I feel you just need to go with the flow, try not to worry too much about things, cry if you want to, just feel your feelings. This grief is difficult to get through and I feel we eventually do learn to live this new life. An 88-year-old lady, who lost her husband when her children were very little and never remarried, that I visit at a local retirement center always says, "You never get over it, you just get used to it." It does take a long time to get used to it but you eventually will. I'm sorry we have to go through these things but we have had had a very strong love in our lives and getting use to them being gone sure does take some time. Take good care of yourself and this is a very good place to express your feelings. We all have them.

Hugs....Karen

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Tomorrow will be 16 months for me. Will the pain ever go away? I don't know. Does it get easier? Yes, it does. The pain diminishes as time moves on. You are still very young into the grief process. I will tell you it will get harder before it gets easier. I can remember a family get together at my sisters house right around the 6 month mark and I can remember going out to tthe back porch because I just couldn't hold it back any more. I sat out there for awhile and just cried. After awhile one of my sisters came out looking for me and we talked and cried together. The first year so far has been the hardest, you go through all of the firsts. The first holiday's, the first birthday's and so forth, and then the one year mark. The second year has been easier, a lot of reflection of where I was this time last year and so forth. I look back and I can see a lot of growth. You are just now coming out of the period of your journey where the shock is starting to where off, you will start to feel you feelings more intensly. Just flow with the feelings, you will learn and grow from them, I know I have. I wish I could tell you that it is going to get easier right away, but I won't be helping you if I tell you that. What I can say is that if youo continue to come here and continue to feel your feelings no matter how hard they are that it will get easier then. From everyone that I have talked to and from my own experience, the 6 to 9 month period is the hardest out of that first year. Get through this, and you can get through everything. I learned a lot about myself this past 16 months more than I ever thought possible. I have started to live the "new normal" yes I still miss Karen, I will probably always miss her. I am starting to be happy again and to live life again. You will be able to live life again, just take it one day at a time and slowly it will get better and one day you will look back and be able to see how far you have come, you will be able to look back and say that you have grown from this experience. I hope this has helped in some way.

Love always

Derek

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I liked what Karen quoted, "You never get over it, you just get used to it." It's true. For me the second year was harder, excluding the initial first months. Everyone by that time thought I should be more used to it. I can tell you that these times hit us, and even though I'm in my third year, it still hits now and then. The least little things bring back memories. It is finally getting better for me, but I'm not immune to these grief bursts hitting when I least expect them. I still miss him. As was already said here, allow yourself your feelings, experience them. The firsts are hard, I think it gets easier after going through those, but I had unique circumstances that necessitated I deal with other things that first year and I think that's why my second year was harder, because then I was ready to deal with my grief.

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I also believe that 6-9 month period, it HORRIBLE. i have no other way to explain, i thought i would not live through it. the first yr is bad. my mom has been gone 13 mos and i am praying that this yr will just even be a little bit easier. i am starting to dread the holidays and that makes me sad. i always loved them and so did my mom . this was the time she had all her babies, all five of us together. i am going to try and remenber this when the time gets closer. lori

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