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Just Sitting Here


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I am just sitting here at my computer in a daze with tears rolling down my face like a fawcet. My mom's 2 month comes up on Saturday and it's just bringing up so many memories of taking care of her, having to whipe her and suction out her gastric tube and give her her meds in her feeding tube, unplugging her feeding tube. God the first night, that she came home, I had thought I overdosed her because she went number 2 all over we cleaned her up but I thought it was my fault, apparently the feeding tube was giving too much an hour, which I new!! I told my sister and brother that it should be @ 30 that's all she can handle, hospice said 50, well I was right, hospice called back and said bring it down to 30. She didn't even know that she messed, she just wondered what the smell was. I hate remembering her like that, I am remembering all this like it was yesterday, all the things that happened when she was sick, the stuff we said, she always spoke openly with me because she knew I needed it. God I miss her........

Edited by DawnG
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Dawn,

I took care of both my dad and my mom, so I can relate. I also think of the stuff I had to do and then I try to make myself think of something else. I want to remember them healthy and happy and it's not easy. Sometimes I have to just turn on the tv, read a magazine or book...anything to get my mind on something else! Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I hope you can find a way to distract yourself from these thoughts. I know how heartbreaking and sad and depressing they are.

A big hug,

Shell

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I too know how heart breaking it can be to see you mom go from one person to another. At the end my mother was paralized from the waist down and could not go to the bathroom on her own. She had a cathater and then was given enemas to poop. She hated it and did not want to live that way. It was hard to see her like that because she went from a vibrant lady who loved the outdoors, adventures, traveling, learning, etc. to bed ridden. It is heart wrenching for me to think about. Try to hang in there and remember your mom during the healthy years. That is what I do.

Libby

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