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Hello dear friends, i felt so good this morning, there was definitely a slight spring in my step, but I feel the spring waering off a bit now. I find myself so reluctant to acknowledge positive feelings, or to admit on certain days that I am feeling better, for fear of losing that feeling. Is this normal?

The weekend looms ahead, and I have learned to plan activities. Fridays are very bad, cause Walter and I used to meet every single Friday evening for supper straight after work, so I find myself wandering around in Shhopping malls till around 8pm each Friday

I pray that God will be with each of us in a really special and unique way this weekend'

much love, Erica

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Erica i know how you feel. It has been almost 7 months since I lost my husband Bruce. Yes weekendss are the hardest. I think that all week we are busy with other things like work etc. But weekends we spent with our beloved husbands. Like you we have things that we did together every weekend and now it is so different. I know how hard this is and like you I am finding it hard to be without him. But one day at a time and somedays it's one minute at a time. So just know that we are here for you. If I could tell you only one thing is to keep posting it help there are people here that have gone through what we have.

Gail

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Walter/Erica,

What you are experiencing is totally normal...we try so hard to find a way to feel better and when we do, we feel guilty for feeling anything positive. The best thing I know to tell you is to acknowledge to yourself that it is not a betrayal to your loved one to experience something good, any joy or happiness we can get in this life we should welcome and congratulate ourselves for experiencing. It takes a lot of effort to bring our lives around to a positive experience and we should commend ourselves if we can get there. Just as the Bible talks about us not having attained (perfection), neither do I think we attain when it comes to happiness, but rather it is an up and down process.

What you are going through on Friday nights is not only normal but you are handling it well...you are looking for a diversion so you don't have to be alone with the pain, which is about all any of us can do. I, too, hate to go home alone to an empty house that just accentuates my loss...I used to avoid doing so by going to a mall, a restaurant, a friend's, anyplace, but now I have my son's dog to walk and have to come straight home so I'm being forced to face my aloneness and maybe in time will get more comfortable with it. It's been 26 months for me so you can see this is not an overnight process, it goes on and on, but it does gradually get better. If anyone would have told me I'd survive 26 months of this back in the beginning, I would have had a hard time believing it, so I guess that is an accomplishment in itself.

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I get those feelings too, Walter/Erica. It's like if we don't feel sad we will lose contact with our loved one. Our last feelings was the terrible sadness when they died, so we tie ourselves to that. We have a hard time associating happy things with them, even though we all had happy times with them too.

Everyday we are alive and healthy is a wonderful blessing. I tell myself it would be almost a sin to not try to appreciate it and enjoy it. Keep a-goin.

This is a difficult time but time does move forward. Take care- Doublejo

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Erica,

Doublejo touched a point there, as many times I don't allow my self to be happy since sadness consumes me most of my waking hours, its a huge undertaking daily to live for ourselves now, I often tell myself to do what my wife would want me to be happy and it works often. stay strong...

William

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