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Annieo


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Thank you to everyone here...I was so surprised to see I was a "topic"...but what a nice feeling.

Friday was so hard. We met with the hospice people, they seemed really nice and caring and I feel it was the right thing to do. From there I went to the closing of my parent's house. The death cert.situation was handled so professionally , no-one ever even said the words. It was such a relief. I told the new owners I hoped they made as many wonderful memories in the house as we did.

I have been sitting with my dad everyday...not for long periods of time, but I am there everyday. His sister is there and many friends are stopping in to say good-bye. Everyone is thinking my dad will live a 1-2 weeks. I know he is leaving, when I am with him, he keeps asking questions about , "being on time, are we on schedule, we should just get going, did he get ahead of himself..who is driving, doesn't know what he is doing there". He keeps looking at a watch that isn't there. He keeps asking me for the "numbers"..I think that is going back to his finances...he and my mom always sat and went over their "numbers" when he retired. I am not sure he knows who I am but he seems more relaxed when I am there. One thing I had trouble with my husband and hospice believed we should tell my dad the situation and who they were. I wasnt' sure, even though I knew moments later he would not remember. I couldn't do it, so hospice offered to talk to him. My husband didn't want my dad hearing it from strangers, so he went in and talked to him. My husband has been my strength thru this. Yesterday I took a 4 hour nap, I never nap...then I got up for 2 hours and went to bed and slept another 10. Guess I was wiped out. So now I sit with my dad and wait. I pray this will go quickly.

Thank you again for all your thoughts and prayers...you all give me strength.

I wish you all a peaceful night.

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Annie,

I'm so glad the house closing went well and wasn't too hard on you. this may sound like a strange suggestion, but while you're sitting with your dad (if there is time when he's sleeping) you might try to find and read a book called "Final Gifts". I won't go into detail, but I think it would help you tremendously (if you read it, you'll see why). One thing in the book (which is written by Hospice nurses, by the way) is what some of the seemingly senseless talk of the person who's dying means and how you can interpret it and ease their minds, which will help them to "go on" more peacefully. It's easy reading and a remarkably comforting book. The authors are Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley.

Glad you got some rest! Bless your husband for being so supportive and helpful!

Will be thinking of you.

Hugs,

Shell

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Shell,

I have read the book and I thought it was really helpful( I read it when my mom was dying). I thought about it as my dad started talking about "needing to go". The book really helps me to understand some of the things my dad is saying. Thank you!

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Annie

I am happy that the house closing is done. I am sorry about your dad. i know that this must be so hard for you. i believe he is peaceful and just getting ready to go. i had to believe that with my mom. i think our loved ones come to meet them and they want to get everything in order before they go. it may not make sense to us but for them it is comforting. i wish we knew the whole picture and knew what happens to us. For me this is where faith comes in and i just have to believe. God Bless Lori

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Dear AnnieO,

I am so sympathetic to your story. My grandfather passed away in '03, and had alsheimers for a few years before he died. I remember seeing him go in and out of lucidity, and I'd often try to keep up with what he'd say, responding the best I could, even if I didn't understand where he was going I could tell it made him feel good to "be heard". During the days leading up to his death, after we made the difficult decision to take him off the life support, we'd spend time just sitting, being with him. Even if your dad acts like he doesn't know you, there are parts of his cognition that understand you are a person he can feel comfortable with. Hang in there, and tell him as much as possible that it is okay for him to go. That was the hardest part for my family, but we knew we had to tell him. I remember the last time I saw him I whispered "I love you, it's okay to go, we know it's time" and he sighed as if to say "thank-you". Good luck Annie, god bless.

-Chuckles

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