Jump to content

Tomorrow Marks 2 Months Since My Mom Died


Recommended Posts

I am kind of in a stale mate right now, I think I'm in shock, not believing that ths is my life and that she is gone, when she was my life. My life is so empty with out her and it feels like it's been forever but only 2 months. I wish I had her back, I wish that they could have caught the cancer sooner, I wish the chemo would have worked, I wish something would have worked, some sort of miracle but it didn't. At her funeral I said

I'd like to share part of what I said at her funeral if you don't mind:

"i've thought about what I was going to say when this time came ever since she told she had pancreatic cancer, the only time I heard her or cry or say I'm scared was on that day, she never once said those words again.

Mom was our mother, father and best friend. She was my hero and idle. She has taught me so much about living life and being strong through rough times. There is a reason wy mom was inflicted with this disease, I think she toon on what others couldn't handle and another reason I think, is to show everyone how to live life, to embrace it and not just skate through it.

In the hospital I took mom for a walk around teward, ever time we walked past the candy jar, she'ed whisper to me, get me a hershy's, we walked by that thing 4 times!!.

While mom was being taken care of us, she was very content, happy and humorous at times. Mom said give me some psace and julie said, are we invading your bubble, mom said no this damn dog is, we laughed so hard.

She called me the drug lady, she would always say, what are you giving me now Dawn, one day I had to give her halidol,I put it under her tounge and she said Halidol, and frowned, then game a sheepish smile. She had the most radiant smile on earth.

I know that Julie, Richie and Shawn and I will cherishthe last week of her life by taking care of our mother who took care of us for so many years. It was an honor and a privilege, she was a very good patient. The one thing we all agree on is, everytime we here, "I gotta go pee" we will think of mom and smile.

She was a wonderful woman and will not be the best guardian angel." I aslo read the song wind benieth my wing bye bette midler and the last verse of how can I help you to say goodbye, by Patty Loveless. and a few poems

Sorry I know that was long, I said quite a bit more but I won't bore you with any more.

I just really miss her and want her back! tomorrow is not going to be a good day I wish I could just sleep through the entire day.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dawn,

Thank you for sharing. That was beautiful and funny and touching. Please share more if you want to! It's not boring, it's an honor that you are willing to share this with us.

It's been a little over two months since my mom died and I, too, sometimes feel like it's been two years and then sometimes like it was yesterday! I just move through life, hoping I'm going in the right direction, but sometimes feeling like a stranger in my own life, if that makes any sense at all! There is just this constant underlying feeling of sadness that is there even when I'm relatively happy. Just an incredible sense of loss.

My kitties are the one pure joy in my life and without them, I don't think I'd be doing as well as I am. I love them so much and they love me and they keep me going.

I hope the day is not too rough on you. If sleeping through it will help, then by all means do it! I'll be wishing you peace.

Hugs,

Shell

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dawn

Thanks for sharing what you wrote about your mom. She raised a wonderful daughter and sounds like a great human being.

My mom is gone 13 mos and i still don't want to believe it. some days i lie in bed thinking this has to be all wrong. i want so bad to hear her voice but i know i can't. i talk to her everyday and pray that she is listening. i took care of my mom but i wish that i had listened and talked more. I wish that i didn't get mad at her at times. i have learned this is all normal but i have quilt about it. i hope and pray that she forgives me and loves me. i would just give anything to hear her say it's ok lori, i love you always. she did say she loved me the day she died but i so desperately want to hear it again.

i am sorry that i went on and on. i just want you to know that i understand how you feel.

lori

Link to comment
Share on other sites

lori,

I know the guilt you're feeling. My mom had Alzheimers and when she first got it, I didn't even realize it, and would get so hurt at the things she would say to me. We had always been so very close and so together that the hurtful things she would say were so surprising! I would get hurt and say something nasty back. I regret that so much, but I had to finally let myself off the hook. When I finally realized what was going on I learned to try to ignore the things she said. It was a constant struggle to say "she doesn't mean it" and still feel hurt. But, we both did the best we could, because we are only human and have emotions too. It is so hard to care for an ailing parent who you love so much, the stress builds and we are going to "lose it" sometimes and say something harsh or not be as patient as we should be. So let yourself off the hook too. And, like you, even though I know my mom loved me and forgave me any time I wasn't "perfect", I would still love to hear her tell me! We just have to know that it's ok...we did the best we could and they knew that.

A big hug,

Shell

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...