Heads In A Fog

[Gail_R]

It was 7 months on Monday that Bruce passed away and I have been such a fog this week. I cann't seem to beable to get anything done. All I have done is just lay in our bed and cry and feel sorry for myself. Like I'm sure that Bruce did not want to leave us but he did.I feel like it was when he first dead I am not sleeping or eating also having a hard time just thinking. Is this normal? Last night I had a dream about him well not a dream a nightmare it was him laying in the snow the way he was when he died and I am so afraid to close my eyes for fear that I will dream that again. I wish that there was a way that him could come and tell me that he alright. Then maybe I would find a little peace I miss him so much it hurts. My husband and I farm withour two sons so now it's me and the boy's and I just keep second guessing everything that I do. I how to hell that I am doing this right. I'm so scared that I will let him down and make a mess of the farm. I ask god everyday why not me. why did he have to take Bruce and don't think that I can do this without him. We live in a small town so there is know were to go for help but I think that I am at the point that I need some. So any help or advice would be of great help. Thanks to everyone for being there for me.

Gail

[kayc]

Gail,

It is about six months that some of the shock wears off and reality sets in and I have heard over and over that this is one of the hardest times. Be assured that it will pass and you will emerge through this. We are here for you, just keep getting your feelings out, it's important not to bottle them up.

[LarrysGirl]

Gail, I know you are feeling miserable. There are so many questions without answers. I have them also. All of this takes time. You will not be able to make much sense out of anything yet. I'm at 22 months and I still feel disbelief everyday that he is gone. Each of us adjusts at different speeds so don't feel you are not progressing or handling your grief well. You are doing it! I have been able to talk to a counselor which helped somewhat. At least I felt understood. I don't have much support in the way of family or friends, they all disappeared. Do you have someone, a friend, family member, pastor that you could share with? This site is a great source of support and understanding. Keep writing, it will help. Deborah