Hi. I'm New

[suzanne]

Hello everyone. I'm new on here and not quite sure I'm doing it right. I've been reading your posts for several weeks now and I realize I'm not alone on this journey. I lost my husband on March 2, 2007 and it is unbearable to say the least. He had been ill and I just never wanted to accept how ill because it might make it real. He was my soulmate, the love of my life, my best friend, my partner, my everythihg. I don't know who I am anymore and I'm at the point I don' care. August has been extremely difficult. My birthday, our 23rd anniversary and now my Dad is in hospice care and dying. I don't have the strength to help my mother because I'm still reeling from my husband. I had to go back to the hospital where Will died for my Dad and I thought I would collapse before I even got on the elevator. I have no support what so ever. The people I work with don't even want to act like Will even existed. He did and this is not going to go away by ignoring it. I've found what friends you have left grow tired of hearing your sorrow and heartache, yet I have to live with it everyday. It's not really living, just existing. Kind of like a plant. Your posts have made me realize there are other people who feel the same agony I do every single waking minute and there's lots of those. Yes I feel like I'm losing my mind and maybe that would not be such a bad thing. The tears and the pain just keep on coming. I just wish for a kind word, just say I know where you are and I am here for you. Nobody understands that in my circle.

Suzanne

[Bebekat]

You are NOT going crazy, although it might seem like it at times. What you are going through is perfectly normal. Please feel free to post here often. Sometimes it just helps to get it off your chest. Other times it helps to read what others post. You are not alone. We "get it" here. Try to be kind to yourself; get rest and sleep. And just keep taking those "baby steps"

I don't post very often, but I do try to at least read the daily posts.

[LarrysGirl]

Hi Suzanne, I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. You have found, like I, that people around you have a hard time dealing with our grief. I know rationally that they haven't experienced it so that can't understand but I still can't come to terms with that they could at least so some compassion. The people around me barely give me the time of day anymore. You decsribed what is perfectly normal for you to be feeling at this point in the grief. Its very hard and I know you feel alone. I just wanted to tell you that the people on this site really pull together and help with information and share the way they have survived thus far. Hope you will keep posting, it will help you in the long run. Deborah

[karenb]

You have found a spot with people of compassion, empathy and very much caring for what you are going through. All the feelings and actions of others are something we've gone through, too. It's hard to think of yourself as "normal" when normal just isn't normal any more. Many things will be new and things you may not want. My husband's been gone for 2 years now and I am doing very well....you really just have to "go with the flow." I'm sure you know there's good and bad days. I'm sorry about your Dad. I hope you find the strength to help your mother. Maybe you have other siblings that can help, too. And you're right, it is just "existing" for a while, your one hour, day at a time. Believe me, you're not losing your mind, just grieving and that's extremely hard. You just take care of your health, try to help your mother if you can and keep on going. You'll make it.

Karen

[suzanne]

Thank you everyone. Ironically enough, just when I thought no one would reply, I was listening to the Country Music Videos, (which I used to hate Country Music) on cable but it is something short and sometimes mindless, sometimes comforting, and it was "You Find Out Who Your Friends Are". I pray I have found some friends here. I'm pretty much at the end of my rope and don't understand why God would leave me here by myself. I'm not doing very well at it. My heart is too broken and it's just too much to deal with. I try to find strength in that each of you has walked this most unwelcome path. Just at my lowest seemws like God finds a way to some link. Just as He took Will away from me as gently and as tenderly as He could, I was allowed to hold him and see him to the other side.

Suzanne

[karenb]

It's been a short period of time since your loss. There are several people you'll hear from here that will give you some more guidelines and their feelings of what they've gone through. I hope that you have some faith behind you, that helps tremendously....at least for me. Keep watching the replies and I hope we can help you. Please take care of yourself.

Karen

[christe]

I'm so sorry for your loss Suzanne and we all understand what you are going through. This loss is very new in your life and you are just getting to the stage where it starts to feel real. I lost my soulmate,best friend, husband 2 years ago as the result of an accident and I was just in shcok for about the first 6 months. What you describe is exactly what I went through - I thought the God would surely just let me die also. But he didn't and I still keep going and now that time has passed and I have allowed myself to grieve I feel that I am starting to heal. I even laugh at times. There is enjoyment to be found in life later on.It has been the longest, hardest 2 years of my life but I have also learned more about life and myself that at any other period of time.

Be kind to yourself, Suzanne. Allow yourself to feel all these awful raw emotions. Cry, sob uncontrolably, shout - whatever lets you release another tiny bit of the dreadful grief that is in your heart.Know that this is all normal and part of the process. I attended a grief group for traumatic loss run by my local hospice at about the 1 year stage and that helped me a lot to learn of others people's losses.

Know that we all care about you here and understand everything that you are going through.

Christine

[kayc]

Suzanne,

I am so sorry you lost your husband. We have all been through the same thing you are going through and we do understand. All of my/our friends did a disappearing act on me too, and I have a hard time undeerstanding that. I know they don't understand, and I know it makes them uncomfortable and it's natural that people just want to be around what's happy and good, but I swear to God, if I ever have a friend that goes through this, I will be there for them. It is hard to face the hardest time in your life seemingly all alone. I say "seemingly" because it feels like you're alone, but you're not...God IS with you, it's just that part of this whole grieving process makes it hard to find/reach Him too. That too is normal and natural and will pass eventually. I find Him differently than I used to, but He's still there...now it's more like a sense of His presence, it's hard to explain. It's more like we are able to live on faith now than we did before, but it takes a while to get to that.

We will be here for you, any time you need to get something off your chest, we're here to listen and care.

[smhenglish]

Suzanne - I know exactly what you mean. My husband passed away 4 weeks ago after a brief illness. This happened 2 weeks after my daughter had a 2nd trimester miscarriage. My father is now dealing with cancer. Everything around me is just reeling.

I'm the type of person who isolates when depressed. So I honestly expected no one to understand. I have found I have a lot of wonderful friends where I didn't expect them. I just recently joined this group, and I haven't had much experience with this grief (less than you), but I know from experience on other support forums that the friends you will find here will keep you together when you most need it.

[suzanne]

Sarah

I am so sorry for your losses. You are right, the people on here know what it is like. I feel as you do, everything in my life is just falling apart and I can't stop it. I wish I can ease your pain or say something but I know there are no words. Your pain is still so fresh and raw and I remember that. Just being on here and knowing that others understand and feel the same agony you do helps. I can't really give any advice because I'm still not sure how to cope, especially with my Dad dying right before me and I can't stop that either. Just know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you. I've learned that sometimes the best thing is to just say, I'm here and I understand and I feel your pain.

Suzanne

[smhenglish]

Suzanne - I'm horribly sorry... I realized as I read your response to mine that I took your story and made it about me. That wasn't my intention when I posted, but in retrospect, I was being very selfish.

Please accept my sincere condolences for the loss of your husband, and the impending loss of your father. I can't give you much encouragement because I'm way too raw to see anything past my own issues. But I do understand how you are feeling, and how devestating it will be to lose your father so shortly after losing your husband.

[Loren]

Suzanne,

This is my first time posting a response to someone in this forum, and my loss is very recent so I don't have a lot of advice or anything to give. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that you're going through the terrible things that you are and that I hope you find the comfort you need, when and how you need it.

I just said a prayer for you... can't hurt, might help.

Take care,

Loren

[walter/Erica]

Dear Susanne and Sarah, my heart just reaches out to you both when I read about your past losses, your impending losses and the emotional trauma you are both currently experiencing. Your grief, if thats not bad enough, just in its pure form has been complicated , and is therefore much more painful., What can I say except that I earnestly pray that God will supernaturally intervene and help you both to cope, that He will strenghten you and comfort you both

I too lots my husband in March this year

I have become aware that grief truly is an active process that we need to be involved in, and that somehow will steer us forward... One day you too will be feeling better

[Guest moparlicious]

Hello everyone. I'm new on here and not quite sure I'm doing it right. I've been reading your posts for several weeks now and I realize I'm not alone on this journey. I lost my husband on March 2, 2007 and it is unbearable to say the least. He had been ill and I just never wanted to accept how ill because it might make it real. He was my soulmate, the love of my life, my best friend, my partner, my everythihg. I don't know who I am anymore and I'm at the point I don' care. August has been extremely difficult. My birthday, our 23rd anniversary and now my Dad is in hospice care and dying. I don't have the strength to help my mother because I'm still reeling from my husband. I had to go back to the hospital where Will died for my Dad and I thought I would collapse before I even got on the elevator. I have no support what so ever. The people I work with don't even want to act like Will even existed. He did and this is not going to go away by ignoring it. I've found what friends you have left grow tired of hearing your sorrow and heartache, yet I have to live with it everyday. It's not really living, just existing. Kind of like a plant. Your posts have made me realize there are other people who feel the same agony I do every single waking minute and there's lots of those. Yes I feel like I'm losing my mind and maybe that would not be such a bad thing. The tears and the pain just keep on coming. I just wish for a kind word, just say I know where you are and I am here for you. Nobody understands that in my circle.

Suzanne

[Guest moparlicious]

Suzanne,

I am new to this site also. My soulmate, love of my life,best friend, father of our children and the only life I have known for the past 24 years has went to Heaven, to be with Jesus, on 8/20/07.My husband was 41 years old and died from terminal cancer. Watching him this past year has been pure Hell. The vomiting,the pain and the disease having a mind of its own. I to like you feel like I have no direction, no meaning and no worth in this world. I think about dying all the time and want to do it, but too many people love me.I don't have a job and cannot face the world most days. I was fired from my job of almost 3 years for taking too much time off of work to care for my sick husband. Now, I am drowning in debt and have no friends(till I found this site) I posted my own thing, but no one has replied. That's ok, I know everyone cares in my heart. Hang in there, as I am trying to do, for I wake up only to look forward to another day, one step closer and another day closer to aging and being with my loved one. I am so lonely and miserable without him, my entire body hurts. I do not wan to make this all about me,this is about you.May Gog bless you in many ways, I will pray for you. Love, Kim

[karenb]

Suzanne and Kim - Welcome to this place I, myself, only found a few months back. I lost my husband, too, but about 2 years ago. Your awful pain is so new and it's plain "tough" to try and get through it. I am very sorry you lost ones so dear to you. I guarantee you, based on my experience and the experience of others in our situation, you will get through it. Granted it will take some time but you will get used to your "new" situation. You won't get over it...just get used to it. You'll find that you just get through a painful feeling, a little quietness and then another will find its way to you. Whatever you're feeling, it's genuine and just go with it. It's very important to stay in as good health as you can and surround yourself with those that care for you. Evem then it's very hard. My heart is with you both. Just take care and keep coming back. You'll find the people here really understand.

Your friend....Karen

[WendyJ]

Hello everyone, I too am new here and I also lost my husband in March, actually on the 7th which was 6 months ago this past Friday. I am amazed that as I read alot of these posts, even though I am new that I have been doing a double take to make sure it wasn't my own post. I too wish I could age faster so it would be sooner to be with my Steve and then I think will I be with him again? DOes it really work that way? How do we know? I just know that the pain is too much and I am so tired of crying and puffy eyes and basically not living any more just surviving each and every day.

Wendy

[kayc]

Wendy,

I am sorry that you lost your husband too and pray that you find comfort and encouragement from this site, as we all have.