Alone On A Deserted Island

[Poco]

I have been searching my heart for ways to deal with the anger and bitterness that consumes me since my Mom died on May 1, 2007. So far the fire seems to grow and grow and I can't seem to find a soul who will give me the opportunity to talk about my feelings and experiences. I am not a spring chicken and feel inadequate to handle the pain of Mom's loss as a mature adult. I know life goes on, but I wake up every morning feeling no joy for a new day and can't seem to feel the joy of the blessings I do have.

[LoriS.]

I'm sorry Poco. It will get better...I promise. Just do what you can. Some days are better than others. Hang in there!

take care...Lori

[DawnG]

Hi Poco,

I'm sure we all know whatyou're going through, you've found the right place to talk about your mom and your grief, this forum has helped me so much. For some reason the people closest to you, seem to get further and further away when things like this happens, it's the kindness in strangers that guide us a long, at least thats how it's worked for me.

Hang in there

Dawn

[shell]

Poco,

Your feelings are very normal, so don't worry...it's been a short time. Remember, grief time is completely different than regular time and people don't understand that. Dawn is so right about this being a good place to have people to talk to. It's been two and a half years (my dad died in '05 and my mom just this past June) and I still have to really work at feeling happy, and enjoying the blessings I have. But some days are better than others and it will be the same for you. Hang in there. Your "alone on a deserted island" post topic hit home. When all this first started, I said I felt at times like I had been dropped onto a deserted island.

Hugs,

Shell

Edited August 27, 2007 by shell

[Poco]

Thanks for your kind words. Why does family desert at a time like this when Mom's death should have brought us closer. The tension is thick and I wish I could fix it for Mom's sake. I know she is crying in Heaven and it breaks my heart.

[Poco]

Shell,

Thanks for the shoulder. I am sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is tough. I got through the first month because there was so much to do winding up some of Mom's affairs. Now there is nothing to do but missing her dreadfully. The days and the hours seem endless. I always said, "This too shall pass," but I don't know now. Mom was 91, but she was my cheerleader.

Hugging your heart,

Poco

[shell]

Poco,

Thanks for the hug. My mom always said that too and I do, but I'm with you...I don't think this will ever "pass". But, then again, I wouldn't want it to, ya know? I guess there are things that will always be with us, especially the painful things. I hope the pain becomes "softer" as the years go by, but it will always be with us because we loved them so much, and maybe it's natures way of keeping them close to our heart forever.

Hugs, Shell

Edited August 28, 2007 by shell

[Poco]

Thanks Shell. I sometimes wish I could really really say what is on my mind, but am afraid of being judged. I know we all come from different circumstances as we experience this journey. Close family has let me down big time--they are not there for any support. Mom was always there.

Hope your day is filled with pleasant memories.

Poco

[shell]

Poco,

I am so sorry that your family has not been there for support. It's amazing how many times this happens. I don't have much family and the little left are across the country from me. We hardly ever communicate and the only one who does is my Aunt, who is only an aunt by marriage. She's been wonderful, but other than that, nothing from the others. My brother is the only one I have and he has been supportive, so I am lucky there! As far as my friends...well, lets just say I realized most of them weren't really friends afterall.

I think of the people on this board as my friends and most of us consider ourselves a family. This is the place you can say exactly what's on your mind and not be judged. We understand. So I hope you feel comfortable enough to open up and "vent" on this board. It really helps to get it out.

A big hug,

Shell

[rosanne]

Poco,

Sorry to hear about your lose.

You are so very blessed to have had your mom for as long as you did. My mom died at age 68 and to me that is too young. She past away in June 07

I have been going through a lot of soul searching and am still carrying for an invalid father. I like to drive or set and not listen to the radio or t.v. and just think..... It is so hard, and the week-ends are terrible for me. I loved my mom more than anything in this world, she was my life.

I really can not give much comfort other than say- you are at the right place.

We will find peace one day!! All of us!

[Poco]

Roseann

We will find peace one day, but I wish it were tomorrow. Mom's are that very special person in our lives. Every time I think of my Mom, I end up sobbing. It is comforting to know that others share the same feelings. I just hate it when people say, "She's in a better place. You wouldn't want her back, would you?" Well, right now I long to have her comforting shoulder and to tell me everything will be all right.

Poco

[lorikelly]

Poco

I understand how you feel and you can always come to this site and tell us your feelings. We all understand.

I lost my mom in july 06 and understand how you are feeling. I also lost my family. We have not spoken since. i have 4 siblings and have no contact with them. They don't even really speak among themselves. I lost my mom and my family. it makes this grief journey so much harder. i realized , i can't do much about it , except pray. i pray for them everyday and ask God to help me deal with this. i had to give it over to Him b/c it was consuming me. i am now better able to deal with my feeling pertaining to them. I miss my mom everyday and still can't believe she is gone. Our moms were such a big part of our lives, they shaped who we are. i still have days when i feel totally lost, like what it this all about. I then have ok days where i feel like i can make it. i have come to realize that this is a roller coaster of a ride and i just hang on tight. i am happy for the good days and when i am feeling really low, i tell my self i can and will make it through.

Keep coming back we are all here for you. Lori

[Poco]

Lori,

Thanks for writing back. This forum really does help. I only wish I had the guts to tell my sister how much she has hurt me by her actions and words. She is 10 years younger than me and I have been there for her since the day she was born--through 30+ years of a very rocky marriage, kid challenges, etc. Now she won't talk anymore--only on the surface. Seems like since Mom died she broke a link in the family circle of love. In her mind, its OK for me to feel lost and suffer. I think that maybe she thinks it's my turn since she felt that her own life was miserable for so long. She tells me that Mom's star comes out for her every night, but I can't find the star.

We will make it through this. I just hope and pray that Mom doesn't know what is going on. Her last words to me were, "Please always stay close to your brother and your sister. I'm OK with my brother. He was never one to share his emotions, etc. But, my sister and I have always been so close.

Thanks for caring.

Poco