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Goodbye Friends It's Time For Me To Leave.


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Goodbye friends, I think it is time for this old guy to leave - at least for a while.

It seems to me that I have very little in common with most people here.

Other than the fact that we have all lost a spouse or significant other, I just don't have much to share and I can offer very little, if any, support.

I do not have the strong faith that many of you obviously have, absolutely NO desire for a new "relationship". I am happy for those who have been able to move forward, while still remembering and cherishing their former spouse.

I just can't help others on this journey, because I can't help myself.

After over two years I can't honestly tell you that "it gets better, or easier".

I know that it does improve for many and that's good news for those looking for support and hope.

This group did help me "survive" since I lost my Jean, but just "surviving" is no real life.

Our favorite niece is getting married this weekend and I will be there to wish her well and because I know that Jean would want me to attend.

She would have loved to be there also, and I know that she will be present in spirit.

I will probably continue to read the messages here, just to see how former friends and others are doing, but I hope that you understand why I can't offer any suggestions for helping others cope with their losses.

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WaltC, I was thinking of you during these last couple of weeks, because, like you, I'm not sure how to join in or comment recently. I was actually going to send you a message to check on you. You and I have led very similar paths in this grief journey and I would hate to see you not post here. I would miss you VERY much! Everyone knows that I have lost my faith and don't feel comfortable encouraging people here to pray or ask God to help. I'm glad others can rely on their faith to help, but for now its not for me. A new relationship has not entered my mind, so I don't join in to those messages. That doesn't mean that others shouldn't, its just not for me.

WaltC, I have so much respect for you and you've been a great source of support to me when I have struggled. I will certainly accept your decision but wanted you to know, you've meant so much to me and I hope you will reconsider. Deborah

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WaltC, I understand and respect your feelings. I've traveled along with you through this.........I don't even know if there is a word anymore. Time is the only thing that has gone by and I actually have felt guilty that I've not progressed as many have. I am happy for those who are stepping forward and hope one day I will begin something "forward". I just wanted to let you know that you've helped me through some of the darkest moments and I thank you for that. And believe me my friend when I say you and Jeanie are always there when butterflies fly. On my desktop is the shortcut for "yellow roses" by Bett Midler.......thank you.

Stay well Walt.

Thank You

Always Gene!

Always!

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Walt,

I know that it hasn't been as long for me as it has for you, but that doesn't mean that you don't have something to give. As you have read in the posts that were posted earlier there are some that are in the same place as you. Yes, there are a lot of posts by those of us who can't stand to be alone and have started looking for a relationship, however there are a lot here as well that aren't ready for that and may never be. I respect whatever you decide, but remember this you have gained experience living day by day over the last couple of years and there is someone out there who can be helped by your experience. I wish you the best in the road that you choose.

Love always

Derek

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Walt,

I have not really posted until now, only a couple of things. But your coments have brought me foward. As I have said, I have been a Hospice Volunteer for several years, and I too have lost a great love recently. Even though I have volunteered, and as one said, perhaps aware of one s travel to find peace we all so want and know what to expect in weeks, months and years of grieving that loss. We are all differant, and at times do question our beliefs, our spiritual connection with a higher power. So, many times I have asked over and over, is there truly a "God" then why? why God, did you have taken him from this earth, so much he gave to so many people. Questions our own belief. Moving on, well, somedays we have to do certain things, thats life. But other days, can't seem to think what I need to do next. I have professional job and at a mid age of life, I try hard to remember all the things he wanted for me, times we shared, and how proud he was and encouraged me to be all I could and to continue to give to others. Even though its been a short time, 3 months, my life will never be the same. Best friends and love he gave to me, only come once in a life time, so I believe.

Where am I going with this? The first thing I do each and every morning is check this site, why?? I get a sense of so much love and compassion from all those here on this site, I find some comfort and peace within my soul. I so visualize each person that writes here, there lives, how life has changed for them. I see people reaching out, and those who can give back...

You d think with all the Hospice Training and experience of being with families, I could give something of real value( encouraging words) back to anyone here...sorry not within me right now. Some days one step forward and then several backwards, in my own progress of "healing", it is so hard to move or think ahead for anything but hurt and loniness, but I also try to put my thought s to some positive, you know I would have to hurt now if I hadn't met him, fallen in love, shared yrs of love,laughter and grown as I have, or be who I am today. nor neither would I have had such a wonderful experience to treasure forever..

Certainly your decision, but you have given me something and you are not really aware of it.

I am not so good with words on paper at this time, best at hugs and friendship. so hugs to you, and a friend to reach out to if you wish.

Tenderheart..

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My dear Walt,

You are one of the first to have joined our GH family. As the bereavement counselor assigned to monitor and moderate these forums, I have read every single message ever posted on this site (all 14,686 of them), and I can assure you that whether you choose to post or not, your continuing presence is noticed and highly valued by all of us, most especially by me.

As I hope you will see from reading the other responses to your most recent message, whether you realize it or not, your presence is enormously helpful to others. One of the things that makes this site so special is the wonderful mix of people who make up our family. We are all at different places in our own individual grief journey, and that’s okay. Sometimes we mourners feel as if we’re in a class called Grief 101, and while everyone else seems to be passing with flying colors, we are the only ones who are failing the course! But when you have the courage to tell us that you’re not as far along as another member might be, you normalize and legitimize the feelings of every single person out there who may be feeling exactly as you do. You see, Walt, each of us is exactly where we need to be at any given moment, and when we are here on this site, we don’t have to explain ourselves or apologize to anyone for that. No one here is judging you for being where you are and where you need to be.

If you look at the figures at the bottom of the main page of our site, you will see that we have over 2000 members, and the majority of them have never posted at all. Some of us are more verbal than others, and some feel more comfortable writing. Others prefer simply to read what other members have to say. Some simply don’t have the energy to post; others may not feel as if they have anything positive to offer, and that’s okay, too. There is room enough for all of us here, whether we are visible and verbal, or quietly reading in the background.

When you have a moment, Walt, it may be helpful for you to go back and read some of the posts in this thread: Do You Think They Miss Us?

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Personally, I will truly miss the understanding and intuitive comments and feeling from OUR WaltC. I respect your feelings, however, and very much hope that you come back to us sometime and let us know how you are. I am a person that doesn't even think about being with another man except my Jack, even after two years. Of course, I still miss him. These "new" days are spent just trying to go forward, keeping busy. I really hope things go okay for you. I feel like I know you and Jeanie. You must have been wonderful together and some day that will happen again. Please try to take care of yourself, your emotional, mental and physical self. You need all three. Please take care.

Your friend, Karen

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Walt,

I can certainly understand your feelings. I almost quit myself when I remarried...I felt no one could understand. But I still needed all of you. And my remarriage is absolutely nothing like my marriage to George and I still miss him very much...how can you not miss your best friend? I feel sometimes like I haven't done anything right, like I've just made a muddle of my life...yet we didn't have a Grief 101 class to take, there was no book to go by, we're just floundering our way through with the help and support of our friends here. And you are one of those friends. You were here shortly before me, and your encouragement has meant so much to me. How can I begin to express how much? When you were in the hospital, we were earnestly praying for you. Regarding faith, I think it's something that was developed "before" and it is kicked in on autopilot when we most need it, yet it doesn't "feel" the same and it too has taken a course of its own.

I sincerely hope you will reconsider. You are feeling like a fish out of water, who of us doesn't at times? Yet I encourage you to continue to read what you feel you might relate to, and to post a comment when you feel led to. We miss you when we don't hear from you at all. We love you and value you, dear friend.

KayC

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  • 1 month later...

Dear WaltC,

I just want to say that i am glad to see u today on this site. It's been a long time that i havent been on this site too, and last night i read ur post about u staying away for a while and felt saddened by it. U have helped and inspired so many people on this site, including me, and i want to express my gratitude.

Please take care.

lyn

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Walt, your posts were some of the first I read when I first came to this forum. Even though I seldom post, I want you to know that I've received more inspiration from your posts and your expressions of your love for Jeannie than I'd ever dreamed possible.

Like you I have no desire for another relationship. It's unthinkable after being married to the love of my life for 53 years. I agree, survival isn't enough but for the moment it's all we have. I wish you more!

You will be sorely missed, by myself and undoubtably many others whose lives you've touched without even being aware of it.

Thank you for just being here for so many of us and being true to who you are Walt!

Tori

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As I listened to this song this morning I thought of all my friends here who have experienced a loss of a loved one. Thank you all for your kind comments. Some of you have been better able than me to “move on” and I am happy for you. It seems to me that those of you who have strong faith in a power greater than man have done “better” than those, like myself, who have less faith. BUT I do still hope and trust to see my loved one after this “so called” life ends for me.

As the song says – I have no reason to carry on through and my days are endless and my pleasures are few. However, after almost 30 months without my wife of over 40 years I am no longer in a “hurry” to die – she is patient and will wait for me and we will be happy together again for eternity!

If anything happened to you

Written by: Charlie McGettigan

If anything happened to you

If my worst fear should ever come true

I'd have no reason to carry on through

If anything happened to you

I cannot imagine a world

Without you around me to hold

My days would be endless my pleasures be few

If anything happened to you

If anyone took you away

Or somehow you wandered astray

There's nowhere I wouldn't pursue

If anything happened to you

So promise me you will take care

It's a wicked old world out there

I'd be devastated, be broken and blue

If anything happened to you

You can watch and listen here, but have a tissue handy.

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Walt

You will see Jeannie again, she is waiting for you. And what a beautiful song. I don't know for sure if there is any moving on. Just accepting there is a reason and a plan for each of us. We don't understand it and can't see it. Have to have faith in the unseen. What other choice is there? I think our time on this earth has already been determined and they is no way to alter it. My husband had his dad's pocket watch from the railroad. I never paid any attention to the time on it until he had died, never even took it out and he showed it to me so many times, it doesn't even run. Got it out afterwards for some reason. Guess what time it is stopped at, 10:00 AM. Same time Will died on March 2nd. It made me feel as though someone was telling me the time had already been set.

Suzanne

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Walt, That is a beautiful song and a tribute to a great love that cannot be replaced. May your thoughts of Jeannie give you comfort as you look forward to being with her again.

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I have a question for those of you who are much more religious than I am. What says we will see our loved ones again? Where did that belief start, is that just wishful thinking or does this really happen do you believe? I know once when I was very sick from the flu when I was younger I passed out and actually saw my life pass before my eyes and saw relatives I had not seen in years but my Mom said I was out for only about 10 seconds. COuld this be what is mistaken as seeing our loved ones again? I hope it is true that we do but I wonder how they know this.

Love,

Wendy :wub:

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Wendy,

There are several references in the Bible that say we will meet again. One that I can think of (I don't know where exactly) is someone asks what happens when we marry here on Earth and then the husband dies and remarrys; who does he belong with in Heaven and Jesus responds that we will be like the angels and not given in marriage. Another one where Jesus says that he is going to prepare a place for us. I am not good at knowing where the verses are but they are through out the New Testament.

Love always

Derek

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Derek writes:

someone asks what happens when we marry here on Earth and then the husband dies and remarrys; who does he belong with in Heaven and Jesus responds that we will be like the angels and not given in marriage.

Derek,

I am confused on what this means, can you explain it to me?

Love,

Wendy :wub:

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My feeling is....Betty, Jack's first wife and my good friend, died of cancer....very much later we got together....very much later Jack died. I was honestly happy that he met her again and now they are my best friends in Heaven! I honestly feel we are so changed as God wants us to be that we simply are just "Love." And I feel that's love for everything and everyone, and I feel we still have work to do. Just how I feel.

LU friends, Karen :wub:;)

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Here is the passage from the Bible Matthew Chapter 22 Verse 23:

Marriage at the Resurrection

23That same day the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to him with a question. 24"Teacher," they said, "Moses told us that if a man dies without having children, his brother must marry the widow and have children for him. 25Now there were seven brothers among us. The first one married and died, and since he had no children, he left his wife to his brother. 26The same thing happened to the second and third brother, right on down to the seventh. 27Finally, the woman died. 28Now then, at the resurrection, whose wife will she be of the seven, since all of them were married to her?"

29Jesus replied, "You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. 30At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. 31But about the resurrection of the dead—have you not read what God said to you, 32'I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob'[a]? He is not the God of the dead but of the living."

What he is saying is that in Heaven, there will be a different existence, we won't be married in Heaven like we are here on Earth.

Love always

Derek

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So Derek does that mean that when my time comes we will not remember eachother or that we were married? I was hanging on to the hope that we would be together again and now I am confused. When I die I just want to run into his arms and get one of his great big hugs, and tell him how much I missed him so I guess that won't happen?

Love,

Wendy :wub:

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Karen,

I too believe when we go to Heaven we become pure love. You put it beautifully.

Derek,

The other verse you were refering to is John 14:2 "In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you."

Wendy,

I know how you are feeling. I think it is just really setting in that John is dead not just missing or away. It is very hard to think he will not get to see his beautiful daughters grow up. It is hard to feel the pain of loss, but it is also necessary. I never let myself feel the pain when Jimmy died I covered it and now I am left dealing with two losses. This time I am determined to finish my grieving so that I may be whole. Sometimes I cannot believe that I am now just doing my grief work for Jimmy, who will be gone 11 years this Christmas. I guess as the saying goes don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today is really true. I put it off for almost 11 years and the pain is incredible. I believe we can get through this together. We just need to keep posting and sending e-hugs. I believe hugs are very healing, I believe we get strength from each other through hugs.

Hugs & prayers, :wub:

Corinne

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My belief is that we will still know each other, believe me I want to do the same thing, I want to just give her a big hug. I will go into another story, Before we had Carson, we had 2 miscarrages. I asked our preacher after the 2nd one if we would ever know the children who didn't get a chance to make here on Earth. He told me that yes, I would meet these other 2 children and I would know that they are my children and they would know that I am their father. That tells me that right now Karen is in Heaven and has met them, she got to meet our other 2 children before I did, but I know one day that I will meet them as well.

Thanks Corinne, That was my mother-in-law's favorite verse in the Bible.

Love always

Derek

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